No one begins purging
In hopes of becoming an addict
In hopes of falling from grace
In hopes of having every bit of control
Stripped from your being
Caused by the one thing
That you hoped would give you control.

I started
Because everything was being taken away
I was out of coping skills
And I needed to get a handle on my life again.
The stress was unbearable
And still is.

I did not expect
That I could not stop
That even if I wanted to
Holding my meals down would not only
Present a mental challenge
But a physical one as well.

My mouth waters when my body wants to purge
Everything I eat
I think of how it will feel coming up.
I have lost friends, have isolated myself
My voice has suffered
My grades have slipped
My emotions are not in my control
I do not sleep through the night.

Who is this person
Or lack there of?
As if I was not already a vacant ruin
Of a once pleasant human being
I have now managed to be the reason
That she is losing everything she ever loved.

My entire life
Has been
dedicated
To creating
A web of lies
Stronger than
Any wall
The hurt
Dare to build

Nobody
knows
Me
Not even
My blood
Those whom
I call friends
I've hurt without
Them even
knowing
There is no
Secret lover
Who I've confessed
My sins
There is no
Stranger I once
Found redemption
In
And there is no story
Out there in the world
That it's truly mine

Not even these
Poems
I wrote to lazily
To make rhyme

I find more and more that the simple things make me smile.
The things that make life make sense.
I keep a list beside my bed.
It makes me smile to know
The sun will rise every day,
Though there is dark, there is light,
Sugar will make my coffee sweet
And two plus two will always equal four.
I smile knowing
That music will never die,
Nor will hope,
And that even death,
Can't **** an idea.
I smile at the simple things,
For they are the most beautiful.