my eyes are tired from watching the clock
my heart is weary of beating so hard against my ribcage every time i think you might be close by
your eyes, clear and pale,
search me with urgency
but all i see are two bottomless oceans
and the distance between them
i'm not strong enough to tread those waters
and yet i remain close by the window
wearily watching
tired and waiting

he found her off guard
quietly and contently observing her new life
he never pried at her
or got down on his knees begging,
"sweet angel, be mine!"
he let her tilt her head in playful curiosity
he let his mellow charm do all the talking
and she let her graceful heart do all the moving
when she gave in to that kiss in the pool hall
after that, he knew he'd never have to beg
she was the one whispering
"sweet angel, be mine!"

I keep smelling you on the clothes you left behind
But you’re nowhere to be found
It’ll be a week tomorrow
Since I lost you to that greyhound bus
But all day, all I look for
Is your body to wrap around

I finally heard your voice this morning
As close as your head on my pillow
The bright sun melted away a week’s worth of loneliness
And I glowed knowing I was on your mind
I bet nobody’s ever missed you
Quite the way that I do

All I can daydream
Is what we’ll do together
In that big grey city of yours
But when I’m really there
It’ll be painted with the brightest of light
And the darkest of ambition

We had such routine
In that little room of ours
A world all our own
I lived on your skin
And you survived on my word
And then we reluctantly left town

But I bet nobody’s ever missed you
Quite the way that I do

why do little boys scream and defy?
why do they kiss the leaves and hug the sky?
where do they go when they close their eyes?
they keep the angels awake when they decide to cry.
why do little boys pretend not to be afraid?
why do they think they are fearsome and brave?
where do they go when they've lost their way?
their soft little eyes beg you to stay.

I simply cannot forgive
myself for the restlessness of my heart
for I have burned
and I have splintered
and I have crushed
the hearts of others
And so, exposure
brings back the demons of the past
and the hurt and the loss
I have caused
and I have endured

Keeping the pain close by
Also keeps the beauty of the memory from being forgotten
Remembering the electricity of the
Moment sends a shock through my concience
And all I can do is learn and grow and be

be the pain. be the memory. be here now.

i heard you whisper
when you thought i was asleep

we had allowed our minds to get away from us
the insomniac's insanity
somehow kept us awake for hours upon miles
the elements pushing us along the pavement

but when the sun went down, you turned off the radio
and you told me that we were the music
so we lost our voices to the wind

in the morning, even the warmth of day couldn't move us from the sheets
the two of us
drifting and dancing in conscious dreams

and in the moment
your words were safe to flow past the dam of your teeth
you thought i was asleep

and your heart softly burst beside me
simply and dangerously
i tried my hardest to keep still
the rhythm of my breath like a swing

but i heard what you said
and even though you could blame it on the delirious ramblings
of a mind lost in space
i know you secretly wanted me to hear it

starlight sparkles through the evergreen above our heads
and the freedom I've longed for swims through my veins
I breathe it in
and it sustains me
my toes sink into the soft earth
and my roots wind and spin within each other
like the smoke that unfurls above me

your eyes are like lanterns
their green light leads me across a proverbial bay
like some kind of symbol from literature
my mind is anything but quiet
and yet you remain all that is calm

I hardly know how to speak
your softness distracts me
there's something in the way you laugh
that makes me feel like a child

my world feels brighter
here in this northern air
my lungs feel bigger and stronger today
there's life all around me
and my thoughts are so high lately
and I don't even mind that sometimes you're silent
because all I can do is smile when your name lights up my pocket
and I'm flying free through these warm nights

The birds are awake before the sun
They warble and tweet
just like birds should
The sun is groggy and dull
She can't quite make it above the mountain range
So the birds grow louder
Their calls are creative and neat
and slowly
the grey light becomes blue
and then bright
And the mist lifts off the hills
And the birds find their way home

the cold presses against my skin
but the air is oddly calm for january
almost as though spring is trying to sneak in
a current of clouds slowly slides along the shores of the universe
covering the moon with a soft veil
her edges have softened and spread
her face is blurred and she has been disguised
her light, though, gives me life
it brightens the edges of those rough places
and in this winter air, i'm warm
i have freedom!
i'm flying
not far enough away for my heart
but far enough to give me hope
enough to get me high
and get me fast
and when my feet reach the ground again
i'll bask in moonlight
until i've got strength to continue

pound the pavement
time is precious
life is short
whispers of existence are among us
no one seems to know they're there
yet gratitude still survives
and somewhere out there
a love holds strong
as long as it lives within each gift
each generation of cherishing that love
helps it live on

in a sea of missed connections
dozens of footsteps
and swinging arms
and focused gazes
the air pushes aside
and even through the dusk of mild spring
the shape of a meet cute
revisited
some kind of quiet determination begins
untangling knots for more than just the sake of it
breathing in
always just a sound away
from such profound thoughts

intrinsic
lights, dimly flashing
all is well
yet, all is chaos
crevasses in skin
shine through
each scar for each pain
each smile for each hurt
a photograph keeps the dead alive
and brings back the pain of time
the joy of a beating heart
long since undone
and the sadness of never knowing
the way a heart can beat without its companion
is almost as terrifying
as knowing all too well
when that last rhythm has ceased
and those eyes will never shine
as permanent
as the picture that holds them true
and real
almost alive
but gone enough for acceptance to commence
and remembrance to hold steady
this is where memories are truly born
or where they may be butchered
or perhaps imprisoned in a glass case
never to be nurtured
always preserved
always cherished
never set free

my body
had been recycled in this way
and I was too eager
for ****** revolution
to even notice the damage I'd notice
in the future
as I'm thanking the universe
that my mind is still so free
and my body
is beautiful

arms outstretched at lengths i can't perceive
i'm waiting at the door
with endless sky before me
and battered terrain beneath my feet
there's a sea of lost souls
crowding at my way out
and it's all i can do to swim through them
because with destiny calling
i can't not answer the phone

i may be chilled to the bone
but that cool spring breeze keeps me alive
cause its that new clean air
that brings the summer to life
and with every laboring sigh of a breath
i feel cold liquid embracing my lungs
and i long for a chest to be pressed against mine
to share the rising and the fall
and the rhythm inside

it's a perfect little tragedy
a complicated coincidence
easy to think about
hard to explain
that the most awkward turn of events
begin to feel just fantastic enough
to make important things not matter as much
where does it go from here
200 miles north of here
right here when I come home
right here to the place
where it all started
that night that may never have happened
that night was what we needed
when the rest of the world was crashing down
around us

even though you're drunk
and i'm leaving
(apparently over you but
the songs that play beg to differ)
your regret still stings me.
i can't see you but i know
you're picturing my body
and it hurts
my mouth burns with your aftertaste.

my body
is a furiously perfect thing

my body is
undeniably forgiving

when I told my body a terrible lie
and denied it of it's true instinct
it remained graceful
it remained peaceful

for all the recklessness
all of the invisible pain
I have put my body through
it still loves me

and I am so grateful to my body
for somehow protecting me
despite myself

it is everything I need
to allow my mind
to feel beautiful

She had been driven mad by the notion
Of the skin she had only begun to memorize
Removing itself from her reach once more
Her own body ached and cried
And she found herself tracing spirals on her thighs with her small fingertips
It just wasn’t the same
For it wasn’t the physical notion of touch she longed for
But the elation of senses their locked eyes created
And when she buried her face into his chest to feel his heartbeat
She could feel it
And when he told her things
She truly believed them
She told her heart to slow down
And keep time with her brain
Her wishes fell on deaf ears
Since (she should know by now) there’s no use telling the heart what to do
All she can do is continue to feel
To long for the skin, the truth
All she can do is listen to her brain and follow her heart

i see my house
when the floors were covered with old wood
and plastic
and our dog was black
and our counter tops weren't finished

we loved to dance in the kitchen
she would come in from a cigarette
and i'd surprise her with her favorite song

and we'd dance

it would go past my bedtime
and i would look up at her for a second with worry

but she just kept on dancing

god only knows what kind of clear liquid was hiding
behind the cabinets or in the bathroom
but that was the beauty of the neivity of childhood
i always just thought she was happy to be with me
happy to be free
just dancing in the kitchen

You love him,
you do,
and here's the miracle:
he loves you too.
You are allowed
to lick off the color from his lips,
to listen to the hymns in his pulse,
to bask in the sunlight of his voice,

You are allowed
to have him.

You love each other,
you do,
and here's the tragedy:
it's not enough.
You are allowed
to watch the sun swallow him whole and burn him up,
to stain your fingers to the bone holding him together,
to count the constellations in his eyes as they blink out,

You are not allowed
to save him.

I am nowhere near the ocean, yet
salt water stains my cheeks and
it's only because I'm afraid to
know why you evaporated into the air
like the smoke that rolls over my lips as
they ache to be used for
memorizing the way the salt on
your skin tastes.

You were the red star the sky gave to me
after I begged for your voice to come back-
darker than the sun and further
away
A piece of the oldest part of my heart

I'm pushing my hand
into my wild chest
as hard as I can push
as it flutters under my fingers
so that you might feel
how tightly I need to be
against you
how deeply I've drown
in the flood of your eyes
and in the shivering
of the leaves
all I hear is my name
on your voice

five times five
plus hours of searching
for hiding spots
plus hours of pining like a schoolgirl
to songs you played for me

seven days since
plus hours of listening
to the very muses
inspiring the chemicals
in my brain
to hear you tell me
I'm your dream girl
and I should have known it

148,920 hours
since you touched my hair
or looked at me at all
and today you tell me
you see me every day
and more

I never understood how much that time has mattered
until you
couldn't keep it to yourself
anymore

if my mouth
were ever to breathe
out
towards another
it would be yours

for all those words you say
i can only just hope
your mouth would follow through

but who knows when every other minute
is silence
and uncertainty

and, nowadays
mouths are only meant to be covered

It could almost be mistaken for
being in the same room
as we study the lines on each other's eyes
and sing to each other the harmonies
of pain and lust.
I could have sworn, just the other day
we were using fingertips to study the way
our cheeks rise when we make each other smile
and the creases around our mouths
are heavy with thought.
It's almost as if I'd give anything
to press my forehead against yours
as if to transfer some kind of light between us.
But instead, it seems, I'm doomed to be trapped
in the two hours of space lost to the thousands
of miles from your body to mine.

what an incredible thing it is to be a human being
to hear music and to understand
the labyrinth of emotion behind it
to know and desire to create more life
to use the unknown power within your body
to see a tree
to see a tree and come to terms with what it takes for that tree to live
what an incredible thing it is to be a tree

my ***
is like hearing a song for the first time
unsure, unexpected
my body
soft, but strong
the most feminine i could possibly be