we ride to the edge of our destiny,
turn around, and flee.
we're fueled by reckless thoughts,
we despise being careful,
and yet we're so sensitive to the opinions
of all those other fish in this big blue sea.
we're good at what we do,
lying to ourselves to make due.
living with things we hate,
hating what makes us happy.
knowing that nothing ever works,
but settling for what happens.
keeping the tension, even though we know
it's killing us,
it's what we're good at,
it somehow makes us strong.

my mind is at the boarder of two places at once.
one half twists and writhes like smoke in a glass,
the other is still and rigid and heavy.
i walk alone under a canopy of cornstalks
smelling my childhood,
bewildered by the way i've changed.
it feels as though i've been shifted to the left, just a few inches.
nothing looks the same
even though it's just like i remember it.
all i seem to do is wish for things the way they were.
i can't remember how to love anything other than dreams and faux realities.
i can never have my only desire
as long as i keep killing my own ambition.
i can't figure out how to feel anymore,
still just learning how to hide from the connection.

hundreds of minutes have passed
thousands of ticks from the second hand
photographs
empty glasses
empty classrooms
empty dreams

what happens after starting over?

my moon is covered in a lacy veil of clouds
but her smiling glow still lands softly
so the pavement sparkles back
with happy songs of glassy light

my moon keeps watch over a sleepy city
and the stray cats howl
just to be sure they're still alive
and the sidewalk rests under an icy blanket
but my thoughts are warmed by the orange glow of streetlights

my moon keeps me calm
as the wind blows away her grey veil
and her face, like that of an earthly goddess,
keeps still in my dreams
she never falters, never fades
and allows me to breathe in deeper than my own lungs ever would

the ground reflects the stars that surround her
as she rises over the spider-legged treetops
frigid air cuts at my face, like the frost under my feet
but each time i open my lungs
a warm rush of moonlight infiltrates my capillaries
and the stray cats call her by name
as she leads me back home
and sings me to sleep

i think of you, and my memories begin to wrap around me
each breath gives me less air as the python of my anxiety squeezes the life out of me
you toy with my heart
you see these emotions that decorate my sleeves
yet when you speak, your words are cold and swift
as if your eyes have been tightly shut
any kind of tears i could produce would be lost to the ground before you could begin to care
and you let me go on burning
you let me go on, stifled
you go home to your girl
and i'm left reading your words over and over,
pleading with them
begging them to change
i'm left begging you to open your eyes

you draw me in just like you always do
and my skin begins to buzz
daylight shines and reflects in your pale eyes
your frailty hides behind the snarl in your lips
and i've never seen you so focused
as you watch the smoke slide away from its chimney home
as you watch my skin slide between your fingers
i breathe you in as much as i can hold
only you can give my body this freedom
you bury your face in my hair
and you slide your fingers across my chin and towards my throat and
softly, like a leaf cutting ripples through placid water,
they create a path in my skin
i'm silently begging you to stay here in this bright room
as you bring me back to those nights we'd lay together
awake in the flickering blaze of the television
lost in each others' skin
thank you for cradling me in your long arms one last time

I keep smelling you on the clothes you left behind
But you’re nowhere to be found
It’ll be a week tomorrow
Since I lost you to that greyhound bus
But all day, all I look for
Is your body to wrap around

I finally heard your voice this morning
As close as your head on my pillow
The bright sun melted away a week’s worth of loneliness
And I glowed knowing I was on your mind
I bet nobody’s ever missed you
Quite the way that I do

All I can daydream
Is what we’ll do together
In that big grey city of yours
But when I’m really there
It’ll be painted with the brightest of light
And the darkest of ambition

We had such routine
In that little room of ours
A world all our own
I lived on your skin
And you survived on my word
And then we reluctantly left town

But I bet nobody’s ever missed you
Quite the way that I do