I am not a girl in your eyes
I play basketball with the guys
I work on cars
I willingly get *****

But I don't fit in.

I am not a guy
I like dresses
I like to look beautiful
I willingly suffer in 4 inch heels

I don't fit in.

I can't cook like most girls.
I can't act like most girls
But I am a girl.. technically

I am a singer
Of any and every song that can be sung.
I am a writer
Of tales of truth and treachery
Of secrets and stories
Of love and loss
I am an artist
Or so they say

I don't fit as a guy
I don't fit as I girl
I don't fit in any one group
I fit as me

And I am the only one

And some times being the only one
Means being alone

You say you won't come, but you never leave
Then say you don't care,
                                But I don't believe

Still promise a chance for me to see you soon
Just step in a dance to a song in tune
My song's made of words that lure you in
Every move filled with pure sin

You say you don't look, say you don't see
You say you won't listen,
                                But I don't believe

I join one hand with yours as the other lingers
Tracing your body with gentle knowing fingers
Listen to my voice sing a minor melody
Feel my eyes enchant you with the love you see

You say you aren't hooked, say you will leave
But you don't pull away,
                                 And I don't believe

Respond to the beauty you know you can't resist
My graceful harmonies and taunting kiss
You can't pull away for a moment, always come back to me
You might be refusing, but you know you won't leave

You said you'd never love
But you don't believe

I miss you
I mis your eyes
You know the ones
I want to stare at forever
I miss your smile
You know the one
That I cant forget
That always made me smile
I miss your voice
You know the one
That made me swoon
That made me feel safe
That made me happy
I miss you laugh
You know the one
That made me laugh too
But most of all
                         I miss you...

In my eyes can you see
All the tears I've refused to cry?
In my eyes do you see
The pain I've hidden behind a smile?

When I dance do you see
Who I was, am and could be?
When I dance do you see
How much I just wish to be free?

In my voice do you hear
The hesitation, the confusion, the fear?
In my voice do you hear
All the words I can't bear..

To say aloud.

Some days I wish I was invisible
Nobody could hear me
Nobody would see me
It would be as it was
It was so much simpler then.

I didn't have to laugh
Every time someone made a joke
I could be in the shadows
And be alone

Its great to be heard
When I have something to say
But I don't want to talk
Just to fill a space

Its great to be seen
When I think I'm invincible
But I don't want to pretend
I just want to be invisible

I wish I could let you hear my memories.
Of the sound of a baby who laughs at a smile.
Of the sound of a tear as it falls.
The sound of a gentle hand wiping it away.
Of the sound of the tread of my shoes
Along a path in the woods
As I follow the sound of a waterfall.
The sound of the waterfall that was just out of reach.
The sound of a cello playing
As if a life's soul was being played.
The sound of a choir singing
With everything they have
Because they need to be heard.
I wish you could hear it.
I wish you could hear what I hear.
You would love it too.
I wish you could hear the music
In the whistle of the winds.  
I wish I could let you hear the way I do.
The crash of the waves against the shore.
The seagulls crying.
The whispers of life in the air.
I wish you could hear life like I do.
Everything in life is a symphony.
Life is the most complex yet simple,
Chaotic yet harmonic,
Discordant yet perfect
Song of the heart, mind, and soul.

Just for a minute
Could you let me see
See all the things
I wish I could see

Just for a minute
Could you let me think
That you think about me
And all I wish we could be

I just wanna know
If you ever wish
That you could hold me close
Or give me a kiss

I just wanna know
If you look at me
And see all the things
I wish we could be

Precariously perched pidgons
Coo with cautious curiousity
Wondering why we wander
On faltering feet rather than fly

Just  little ditty
A quiet play on words
Just little rhythms and rhymes
That are fun to be heard

Waking up the next morning
The cross burns on my chest
Reaching, stabbing to my heart.

A one night stand
A single hazy passion
Now only a life without you

And I know when you find out
Your heart will break
And I'll break too

Maybe though,
You won't find out
Maybe...

But the skeleton hangs
Stark white in my closet
Waiting for the world to see

The cross burns deeper
As my cheeks burn, embarrassed
That I thought to lie to you

Then I see you
The chain tightens
Choking me

I can't stop myself
I tell you everything
Thinking maybe you'll forgive me

But no..
You just walk away

Dreams are crushed by a cold blank stare
She fell to the ground
Of death not even aware

She stepped in front as the bullet sped
And yet my life
Was barely spared

Broken hearted I fell to my knees
Life in turmoil
I didn't want to see

The dark red blood mixed with my tears
I heard her last breath
Confirming my fears

I stood by her as the killers came near
They took my life
My blood seared

I fell beside her as life faded from my eyes
I took her hand
As I died

I talked to her last night
As if she was here with me
I cried for her last night
As if she could see my tears

I whispered to her last night
As if she would respond
I sang to her last night
As if she could hear my song

I wrote for her last night
As if she would see those words
I said sorry to her last night
As if she had never been hurt

I dreamt of her last night
As if dreams ever come true
I loved her last night
As if she loved me too

Beautiful darkness encloses once more
The smallest sound echoes, my tears falling to the floor
The shadows hide me from my fear of the light
And my tears show silver in the absense of my fright

The day wears on as the sun moves across the skies
Soon the night will come to silence all the lies
I only wish the day was shorter than my loving night
I seem to only live when the moon gives me life

I'm lost in my thoughts so I son't see the shadows fade
The sun sun has crept his way to the safety that I made
I look up in fright as the light shines in my eyes
But I don't melt or burn, nor do I feel myself die

Odd I think, that it doesn't steal my soul
In fact I think its warmth has made my spirit whole
I leave the whispers that sung only shadowed words
Because when I step into the light I feel music I've never heard

Are you  crying little angel?
While the day turns to night.
Are you sighing little angel?
As the stars begin to light

Is your heart broken little angel?
Because love left you behind
Is your heart looking little angel?
For the love you want to find

Are you bleeding little angel?
From the cut that cut too deep
Are you weeping little angel?
When you fall to eternal sleep

Is he waiting little angel?
When you get to the golden gates
Is he smiling little angel?
When you look upon his face

Are you happy little angel?
When you get your silver wings
You are free little angel
When your soul finally sings

Is it beatiful little angel?
In that paradise above
You have found it little angel
That everlasting love

Like the lives that only live for the love they haven't found
A single soul is searching for peace in the hell of lies
Like the fire burning in the pit of insanity's home
A single life is barely controlled by the bounds of being alone

Like dreams that only dreamed of the dark called death
A single shadowed dance gave life to her last breath
Like the sun setting fire to the earth when it leaves
A single brightened glance gave her peace when she last breathed

There are lives that only live for the love they haven't found  
But still their broken hearts are too shy to make a sound.
There are fears that only frighten when the soul is bound
And only a single fear could always make her drown

There are dreams that only dream of the dark called death
But only a single tear will echo her life long debt
There are songs only sung when one draws their last breath
And then a single weeping child is all that is left

A fire burns inside my soul
Searing away the pain
Your body pulled close to me
Your hands keep me there
Heat and passion fill my heart
Never letting go

But you left and took my heart
I thought it would return
The pain I kept, the love I lost
Off the edge of the world
I step

Longing to feel your love
Wanting you for myelf
Feeling your arms around me again
Your lips I long to touch

Far away my heart is happy
Very far away
So close am I to your sweet touch
But so far away...

Is love

walking in the shadows
Lost
I'm looking
to the world
but for just a moment

that love would come
then singing
wishes left unspoken
and singing of
pain and heart ache
singing of
broken promises
but singing of Love's
beauty
and the world's
Love
and the world's
beauty
but singing of Love's
broken promises
singing of
pain and heart ache
and singing of
wishes left unspoken
then singing
that love would come

but for just a moment
to the world
I'm looking
Lost
walking in the shadows

I think if I were an animal
I’d be a magpie
Collect all the wonders of the world

Collect all the stories across continents
Written, read, and told
New worlds, old ones,
All the knowledge I could hold

Collect paintings, sculptures, symphonies
Till my heart has no room
Hallelujah chorus ringing deep inside me
Starry night swirls to the tune

Find the magic in a hummingbirds wings
Find beauty as a church bell sings
Find peace in a soft trickling streams
Find the wonder in collected dreams

I hope the day reality hits me
Takes its time in coming
With the blow

I want to spend my days dreaming,
Wishing on shooting stars,
And believing the world is somehow
Beautiful

I hope the day I take off my crown
Takes it's time before I have to realize I'm not
A princess

I want to spend my days fighting pirates
And thinking happy thoughts
So I can fly to that place
Where my dreams really do come true

I hope the day I have to grow up
Is still only the day I have to come home
From Neverland

I want to dance in the sun
And play in the pool and pretend I'm a mermaid
I want to believe
I'm something more than just
Me

I hope the day reality hits me
Is a long time coming
Because the beautiful world I live in
Is all just make believe

Tell me you love me
Take me by the hand
Whisper sweet nothings
Tell me stories of far off lands

Write me a story
It can exciting or put me to sleep
It can be awful or a beautiful creation
But write it just for me

Tell me good morning
With a smile or "my angel"
Start my day with a little laughter
Tell me I'm beautiful

Draw me a picture
Of anything or everything
In stick figures or perfectionism
But draw it just for me

Protect me from harm
From people and broken hearts
Fight for my love everyday
Like you fought from the start

Tell me you love me
Till I know it must be true
Make me feel special
And I'll fight for you too

"My angel!" he calls
"I long for your touch."
"My angel," he cries
"I love you so much.."
"My angel!" he yells
"I need you here.."
"My angel," he whispers
His eyes full of tears

Me, the voice inside my head,
Me, the voice that creates my words.
Myself, the life that fills my lungs,
Myself the life that sings my songs.
I, the eyes that see the world.
I, the me the eyes of the world see

Feeling lonely
And kinda tired
Of living
But not of life

Once I thought
My time had come
To leave this world
For the next

Life was trouble
Not worth the pain.
I tried to die, then
I had to learn to live again

I longed to live
A life full of joy
I never thought
All I had to do

Was to just keep
                    Moving on

My eyes turn blue for you
Every time I cry
The coldness inside
Turns my eyes crystal blue

When you see me smile
Don't be fooled
Please see the reflections of truth
In my sapphire eyes

I know you spell it with an i
But that would have been to easy
You know I had to make it rhyme
I had to make it cheesy

Close my eyes,
Breathe soft and deep.
Feel the music
Wash over me.

Release my worries
Step away from life
Sway with the rhythm
Dance in the light

Close my eyes
I don't need to see
The music surrounding
Shows the world to me

Music is my voice
When I cannot speak
Music is my sight
When I don't need to see

They are my life,
My soul,
My heart.
How do I let that show
They are my words
My creations
How do I let them go

I say I want to be heard
But do I want them to hear me
Do I want them to know me
Once I speak, it can't be unspoken.

Every word is a memory
A part of me
How many parts
Do I have to give away
How much beauty,
How much love,
How many words
Can I say

I say my voice is power
But I manage to remain silent
I say I want to be seen
But I manage to remain invisible

They are my life,
My love,
My hope.
How do I let that show
They are my breath,
My song,
My spirit
Everything of me nobody knows

They are my heart beats, my dreams
They are everything I believe
My words are everything
Nobody seems to see

              Still...
                    Do I want to let it show?

Glancing up to the clear blue sky
Seeing the beauty of endless time
Never knowing what lies beyond
But hearing small hints in nature's song

I spin in a circle in a green clearing
Seeing the birds, and a mere cat leering
I settle on the ground and watch the world
Knowing I'm a small part, merely a girl

I may have no voice,  but my heart sings a harmony
Making my own song with nature's melody

Like a life that is searching for that echo of lost love,
Your single soul is searching for truth in a hell of lies.
Too long have you waited, simply keeping silent,
Waiting to leave the dark that sings only shadowed songs.
Unlike dreamers that only dream of the dark called death,
Your single heart is dreaming of finding a breath of beauty.

A photograph of a memory, your only memory of beauty,
Reminds you always of the joy and pain of love.
Reminds you always how a breaking heart feels like death.
Reminds you always of how many times you believed his lies.
That photograph of your memory, reminiscent of all those country songs,
Is the reason your heart is still and your voice, silent.

But something inside is yelling, telling you not to stay silent.
It knows your pleas to find a way to believe in beauty.
Listen, it says, life sings the most discordant yet harmonic songs.
Listen to the symphonies in nature and fall in love.
Fall in love with waterfalls and the winds, not the one who lies.
Listen for the laughs of lives that have defied death.

For too many days you have seen only the black of death,
For too many months your world has been silent,
For too many years all you had been told were lies.
But it only takes a blink of the eye to see the light of beauty.
It only takes a moment to fall into the rhapsody of love
You only have to take a chance to be the melody of love's radiant songs.

Then again.. who are you but the sharp note that belongs only in forgotten songs?
Who are you but the smallest breath just waiting for death?
Who are you but the thorn on a rose given in love?
Who are you but the echo of a whisper, almost silent?
Who are you but the nightmare that breaks a dream's beauty?
And who are you to believe you are these lies?

You are a single soul searching to find truth in this hell of lies,
A soul fighting to leave darkness that sings shadowed songs.
You are a single heart dreaming of that light called beauty,
A heart refusing to dream of that dark called death.
You are a beautiful voice that won't be kept silent,
A voice singing with a soul that knows there is love.

You know there is more love than lies.
You can hear those once silent songs.
You know you can fight against the death of Beauty.

Clipboard oh clipboard
Oh where could you be
Right when I need you
Please don't hate me

Clipboard oh clipboard
I have homework to do
Clipboard sweet clipboard
Where are you!

One last time
May I say that I love you
One last time
Will you hurt because of me

One last time
May I call you my own
One last time
Will I say "come home"

Women sit on the laps of drunken men
Each man has claimed his *****
Only one man sits alone
Nursing a bottle of Jack

His eyes downcast and shadowed
Are filled with fire and doubt
A fire that burns sharp and bitter
Much like the liquor in his mouth

Woodsmoke covers the sweet smells
Of *** and Black and Milds
As all fly higher, they care less and less
The energy becomes primal and wild

Slowly they separate in groups of two
Each pair to find a tent of their own
The clearing empties, the fire dies down
And only one man is left alone

Lift off!
Feel the pressure on my chest
Ears popping as we climb west
The big city fades
Crisscrossing, curving city highways
Turning to mere lines, grey against the green
Still rising
Past the first layer of white misty cloudy
Emerging above the cotton candy mounds
Gentle pillows, pale against a brilliant blue sky
Soaring through the air so high
I feel like I'm on top of the world

Smells intoxicating
When you open the skin
To the juicy citrus center
And what lies within
A zest on your fingers
And under your nails
Leaving you with a memory
Of the orange peels

Each time I see you dance
My heart just skips a beat
Love and rhythm
In perfect harmony

You couldn't be more perfect
When you're dancing to the beat
Motion and music
In perfect harmony

But when the music stops
And reality strikes the beat
Drama and heart ache
Have the only harmony

I'm dancing alone now
To my lonely heart beat
Love and heart ache
In perfect harmony.

A pheonix rises to greet the sun
Ashes falling from a life just begun
Against the hollow depths of the shadowed night
This bird rises in glorious flames to fight
With songs of the soul that can't be kept silent
He lifts his wings high into the darkening dusk
But the last rays of the sun turn this pheonix into dust
His shadow joins the darkness of the sorrowed skies
And the life and light in his eyes slowly dies

He seems to be lost, but as the sun rises to light
He flies across the sky sharing his fire of life
As he soars through the air, hope on his wings,
He vanquishs the midnight with the beauty he brings

When you photograph a memory
You keep it for life
For tears, for laughter
For love, for hope
For remembering those golden days

But an image fades
And it disappears in that file
Alone in the dark
Till maybe one day
Someone will see it
And smile or shed a tear
To see your life
In that photograph of your memory

Burning light
Sears through the night
His tears reflecting
The fear and anger, bright.

Dark brings chaos
Like none before
In only an instant
Life breathes in him no more

The sounds of gunshots
Echo through the streets
Piercing women's screams
Make even the strongest weak

How do you know if you're still a poet
When all your words have simply gone silent?

Do you have to go back and remember
The times you lit fires from embers?

Do you have to write and sing
Only hoping the music will ring?

Do you have to find the stars at midnight
Just to wish for the hope of a sunrise?

Do you have to dance to silent music
To inspire all the words that are quiet?

What do you have to do
To prove the poet's still inside you?

Maybe just write a curious poem
About a soul that has lost its rhythm

They say if you're a poet at twenty
You're twenty
But, if your a poet at forty
You're a poet.

I feel like I'll never make it.
Some times I wonder why
I'm a poet,
Or more why I believe
I could be
A poet.

The only time I write
Are the days I cry myself
To sleep

Will I always have to cry
To be able to write
What's bottled up somewhere
Inside?

Will my words only come
When my heart feels broken
And my world begins to go
Black?

I hope not..

Silvery flakes fall
Glittering in the pale light
Of the full moon

The raven flies
On silent wings
A silent shadow
In the quiet night

Only a quiet whisper
A single dreamer's voice
A single hopeful song
Echoes through the shadows

A silvery wish
Glittering in the pale light
Of the full moon

My words will flow
Like the waves or a breeze
To touch every heart
I hope to put at ease

Though my breath is gone
And my body still
My voice is strong
Still here to help if it will

Perhaps a smile or laugh
Is all you remember
Perhaps thats all you need
To my love remember

My life will live
Through those hearts still here
My love will flourish
Through those hearts not tears