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 Aug 2013 Erin Kay
Insomnimaniac
Do not fall in love with people like me.
People who will woo you
Easily
With pretty words
And love songs
And made up dreams that they maybe had at 2am when they might have woken up and thought of your face before anything else.

Do not fall in love with us.
Because we are liars.
We say exactly to you
What we wish you would say to us.
And when you don't say those things
We close off
And say mean things
That ring with more sincerity
Than our descriptions
Of the made up dreams.

Do not take our pretty words
And tell them to yourself
Over and over.
Because,
To be completely honest,
We may or may not even mean them.

And most importantly
Do not expect us
To fall in love with you.
Because we won't.
We only take pleasure
In making you fall so hard for us
And our lies and false confessions
And empty promises.

We take no pleasure
In letting ourselves fall.
Because we believe
That all people are like us.

We believe
That nobody will be there
To catch us.
 Aug 2013 Erin Kay
Lauren Sherman
we left
we left every party that got too loud
the movie that was too long
dinners that were unsatisfying

we left whenever it started to rain
or when it was too hot
and when your feet started to hurt

we always left when there was someone with a new name
and you didn't have the energy to introduce yourself
but enough to get up and leave

we left because you left
because you hate the unpredictable
and I left because I can't stand being left
alone.

But my feet never hurt as much as yours.
I used to love being in the rain and it was always better when it was hot,
I was that loud person at parties and a movie isn't a movie if it is under 3 hours.
Give me bad food, I don't care, as long as you sprinkle it with some salt and good conversation, Ill eat.

You came along and I left behind what I was, what I liked and who I wanted to be.

My poor judgement and your inability to see how I used to look.

So the next time we are at a party, with distasteful food, and your feet hurt and there's no AC and it's raining outside, you don't know anyone's name and it's so loud you can't hear The Titanic playing in the background, try and get me to leave. Grab my arm and whisper "hey let's get out of here" in your sexiest voice. You aren't fooling anyone anymore, so go ahead, say it. You'll be lucky to even hear me say, "I'm staying".
 Jul 2013 Erin Kay
hkr
rough
 Jul 2013 Erin Kay
hkr
my chest feels so empty
and my eyes feel so heavy
and it's only 3:30 pm

on days like this, i wonder
how i got through it
before you

because the after is
proving to be
rough.
 Jul 2013 Erin Kay
Deborah Lin
There are some things that
I’ll never understand
like why I engraved “F A D E”
into my upper left forearm
and trace over the uneven markings
a little too fondly sometimes.
I didn’t mean for it to be funny,
and I didn’t mean for it
to actually mean something
But it did.
Because scars don’t always fade,
and I wanted the ones left on my heart to
and I wanted the ones left on my arms to
remind me —
that life will hurt you
but life will heal you
and when it does —
Let it.
Let it.
Let it.
When she touches me, I feel her touching
Herself, though she circles my shape into
Oneness, I sometimes feel— detached
Within those arms.  
                                   In her startled-fall
To sleep, imperceptibly, she gathers
The room from her vexing childhood.  
Drawing the air and curling in waves—
My hair, as if she were weaving some kind
Of shelter.

When I touch her, it is with desire.
My reach untangles the very dream
Which took thirty five years of dull
Existence to unmuddle— to imagine,
My soul's other.

                         Ten fingers envelop her body
Like splits of lightning— rippling skyward
From wholly, bone-dun-desert, floor and there,
In that rose-journey of unbridled touch,
The shock of thunder makes a mother
Of the sky.  
                     When she breaks her water
The blighted earth that was sung— given
My name, becomes her light, awakening
Child.
 Jun 2013 Erin Kay
Lyra Brown
ER
 Jun 2013 Erin Kay
Lyra Brown
ER
i spent last night inside of
an emergency room
they took my blood and an X-Ray
of my chest
i let them see all of my insides
which was an intimate thing to do
they wanted to make sure that my insides
weren’t completely shattered.
they told me the wall of my heart
was inflamed but i didn’t know
if they meant the wall i had built around it
or the wall other people had built around it.
the inflammation
was supposed to explain the reasons behind why
i felt like someone had stuck a knife into
the left side of my back, twisted it
and left it there, for the show must go on. it was supposed to explain
why i felt like my heart was going to stop beating
at any second because every beat
was an excruciating struggle. it wasn’t supposed to explain
how much i still miss you or need you,
it wasn’t supposed to explain the way i broke my own heart
when i sent that letter telling you why
you were evicted, why there is no room
left for you now. my heart is too full.
it wasn’t supposed to explain how afraid i have become
when it comes to being loved.
they gave me anti-inflammatory pills
and by 5am, i was safe at home. but i can’t help but wish
for emergency rooms made for shattered hearts and broken minds,
hearts that ache with yearning and confusion,
hearts that forget how to beat but never forget
how to love.
i wish i could go to an emergency room
like that.
i think my heart was trying to warn me
to be more careful with it because
it’s the only rhythm that taught me
how to dance.
keep dancing, it says,
*the show must go on.
 Jun 2013 Erin Kay
Shanee Suenos
For taking love and not giving
I am greedy
For seeing love and not knowing
I am foolish
For wanting love and not waiting
I am impatient
For shunning love and not keeping
I am ungrateful
For needing love and not loving
I am selfish
For receiving love and not returning
I am unworthy
For loving love
I am human
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