my throat is a forest fire,
a burning map that never leads to
'the depths of virginia'

your hands are made of water,
icy cold and haunting and
I don't know what else to say except
"please"

I sometimes think that we should have a history book
rewritten with our names, because I'll be ******* if
we are not rewarded for the way we forget about our past

I WONDER IF WHAT WE TALK ABOUT AFTER MIDNIGHT
HAS ANY IMPACT ON THE WAY YOUR HEART BEATS AND IF
IT DOES IS IT WATERED DOWN BECAUSE OF BEFORE
AND I WANT TO KNOW IF MY WORDS HAVE THE SAME
EFFECT ON YOU AS YOURS ON ME AND I WANT TO SWIM
in the James River and forget how to sway my limbs around to float

this is not a love poem
this is not an "I miss you, come back" poem
this is a confession
this is a love letter
written on the palms of my hands because I know
you'll never get over how badly they shake

maybe I'm confused or lovesick or homesick
for a home that can only be found inside of warm chests
but I needed to write this for someone, for myself

maybe my questions don't need answers,
maybe they just need to be heard.

Your eyes dilate as they stare into mine
My name trickles out of your mouth like a song
The stars align concocting your ****** structure
Lovely is all your smile can be
Arms grasping my body like hope
Water trickles down your cheek; revealing the thousands of lives you've lived
Breathing the air of subtle beauty
The sun beamed it's rays to create your shine
Twinkling lights fill your thoughts
I shall need you until the day I'm not allowed to
I will bask in your words until they cease to speak.

The drops dissipate below the clouds.
Asking themselves why the sun has become transparent.

That feeling of agony,
Then comes the thunder.
In the pit of despair,
It just can’t get worse.

And then, the lightening strikes.
The cloud begins to seep into the dark,
Reaping havoc,
Moving along.
The winds hiss out in treachery.

The broken tree sinks into the forgotten.
The land lay still,
Silent in numbness,
Forever marked by the destruction of your storm.

How does this engulf me
Physically
Mentally
Emotionally

I'm addicted
I'm hooked

There's always something to mourn

It's easy
It's depth full

I can only feel sullen
How does this feel so uplifting
While simultaneously so crushing

I can't think straight
I can't walk straight

It's taking over
I'm sinking
And I don't want to be saved

I was 3 years old
When I pretending to love this
"It'll be just a hobby"

I was 7 years old
When you told me I was good
At this game I played

I was 10 years old
When I began to love it
Just for you
And our time together

I was 13 years old
When you told me to try harder
I was a mere teen
You shouldn't have pushed it

I was 15 years old
When you told me I was awful
I cry all night
For you no longer see it

I was 17 years old
When I realized I was more
Than some silly game
That I pretended to love