But all i ever am is true
But all i ever said was the truth
I live with a black cat he follows me daily
I see it in his eyes
I was interrupted by the truth
The reaction of jealousy
And sometimes i beg for it
Noise is too loud
And i drink
I drink but i love it loud
My being is too intense
My power is the magnet repelled
Therefore i show myself
I deserve better
Witching hour
I wish it would snow

When every other breath was smoke
Sprinkling hiss of night
Copper and blue
Creeking amphibians
Disturb the foggy blithe
What do we not hear
When the time has yet to cease
Unto the darkest shadows of now
Ringing in the buoyancy with
Its epileptic fright
I can't understand the friction
Of old love and fault
When there is no clarity
In the ones i can't combine
I will breathe in my own conviction
By the route of the
Bathwater's wake

The chandeliers
The tapestries
Our golden curls
And deities
Shift dress and ice cream
Yelllow light and silent gatherings among us
And in circles
The sharks swam around us
Our anger became one
And in this dream our souls
Became symbols
And the sisterly flame
Stirred within

I am the reincarnation of my mother's murdered spirit trying to rise

Do i go
And where
Moon has led me
To my kin
It is up to which part of me
Who thrives in best intentions
Never unfaithful implications

Let stubbornness subside
Teach in mind of love
New patterns painting plans
So hurtful hands shall never bear
An equal
Or a heart left to let go

two lovers run blind
through the meadows in the sun
milkweed and clover
breathing fast and just for fun

still it’s cold inside the thoughts
which palpate for tragedy
so we'll speak of heaven in human form
beneath the willow's wishing tree

tell everyone how it hurt
lover, it’s the only way
make sure they know its soft-
the wound you bare for me

i’ll tell them all you tried to swim
but pointed fingers turn to fists for you
in an ocean full of mutiny
the bad man beats the
weak mans blues

i saw my former love in the shadow of the moon
for a short time my desire ensued
the grass was grey and the dark was night
cold fear and change were evil delights

the ghosts whispered songs to their body’s decay
spirits spoke of words the living could not say
heavenly heartbreak, bittersweet end
i shared my solitude with what i didn’t know then

i felt the books the candle’s read
beneath the bindings were my thoughts all dead
remember your pain if you’re anything like me
write it down and kiss it, then set it free

foresaken  scalpels
dig close to past lacerations
i think regret did me in long before you
there are pictures in a box
i remember burning
all the ashes ingested like memories through music
youre strong now at my expense
cant say im feeling like coming around
theres a song i used to hear
its to remind us of an end
we write to move on
but im still choking beneath my wound

a gull
 i saw myself in a gull
wet and tethered wings
spread the span of my life
as i knew it
as i blew it into the ebbing tides
drying the salt of summer
through the fading sun
struggle and suffer
until the south wind blows again
i cannot wait 
i cannot wait
much longer to fly
i cannot wish
i cannot wish
to be carried

Love awaits
When the glass spider
Finally shatters
All that ever remained
Is a reminder
Of what should be- always
On the other side
Of letting go

this is the dwelling where wind is a bell and a beacon for death.
where youthful pursuit is punctured by family names or famine of fortune.
boys in bands buoyed by Onos and shared women.
lawyer fathers and social ***** mothers whose children are forbidden to **** up.
one street reserved and smothered by talking townsmen
whose belligerent brides keep tabs on their fellow middle-aged malicious
minded low-lifes
engorged in gossip are the parading fat men who rise early to feed off ones business capital tragedies
****** shortcomings of the stuck and single prey off tweens tweeting of body glitter and b-cups.
clique chick coquettes play house with their shiny image seeking male counterparts
who sing songs of their leather faced lady friends with plastic claws they now admit they would never marry
antagonizing cute couples secretly copulating with former loves' lust
only to mingle with conspirators molding to dominant thought
once a waitress always a waitress
with overdrawn bragging rights and unemployment checks
serving snobs like themselves who sip savignon
self-righteous polo popping perverts accompanying their prized play things
who join the charles river emigrants and stale french pastries
scouting the waste colored palace of prejudice.
now blades of winter draw months of blue blood
bringing forth frozen thoughts slowly dripping onto thawing skin.
another warm summer sun  forthcoming
foreshadowed by this wind-chafing forlornness.
though i will fall in love again
and bridge rats will always be kings.

here comes the covetous queen
peering down with her bulbous blues
seduction tricked her minion man
"a servant's life for you"

farewell to your well-wisher friends
songs sung and summer's glee
her slow-burn scowls
and gloating glares
turn life to memory

suffocate and choke your cries
you've been deceived by a skeleton face
a spider waits with silent demands
to ****** without a trace

conceited veil of pride and triumph
beaming fire with her frown
there's no beauty to her majesty
just a pitiful, tarnished crown

you made a mold of me
kept it in your idle hands
blamed me for the past
i know its fair
in hopes of
keeping peace
i succumb to every
speaking truth
forget solicitude
i owe my thirst to
devotion
now peaceful and pleasant
we are nothing but
ambivalent
we feared an empty home
now we live there
falsely atoned
i am too young
i am too young

a liar in love
a crow in the cold
beginnings ascend
from the carcass of folly
what remains is the will
what survives is what
was there all along
courage is knowing

i shattered his stone coat
snug around his idle core
by my fist of strong will and liberty
behind it bearing the beat of a newborn
simple and soft
radiating and revealed
to fruitful camaraderie
bionic boy bound by his brothers
craving delights they say a man should
thundering still with lust's vehemence
piercing through cyan lenses
i sliced it open
tore it out.
denied him at birth.
****** love
it's not enough.
it will die without saying so.
gathering stones

a man with my heart
a boy with my hand
an act of duplicity
resonates within my unkempt
illusiveness
i killed the bird
i trapped its burdens
surfaced replica
of first born freedom
fly south
grab what you can
cradle your needs
with a wounded hand
delivering sin
in balance with persuasion
i can trap your heart
i can convince myself
i am a liar within
i am nothing without.

i will pull you down
i will tell you why
in depth
in doubt
my heart's alibi
torment upon cranes
hovering above you
delirium schemes
to keep you nearby
you're strong and still trying
i demand silent while lying
and really i hate it that way.
curves of crucial comments
capitulate our scenes
cinema and photographs
living beyond our means.

this is the first time i've been grounded from my oblivious regime.
i'm downing gin and happiness to find out what it means
to lose the one you're looking for and gain what's meant to flee.
sentiment is temporary when you wake up from saved time.  
easing out and pulling back im playing with thickness.
nursing dangerous plays. heart attacks with a static clutch.
beautiful universe

follow me
to my stone
my rock of woe
my base alone

emptiness
has no place
a haven built
of hands and face

birds of thought
a carriage below
memory burns
i will not show

hold my hand
or hold my heart
longing cuts
our will to part

follow me
detached and free
singing now
forever you'll be

somber steps
of a misinformed man
knowing without knowing
is worse than the end.

'youre wrong about me'
he says a final word
scraping against my lips
but no longer settling so deep
that i am succumbed and entangled.

because of this long term unsettling
i am far from safe
i dove for discomfort
i was compelled to compromise

results are obsolete
when no one wants to change
our future holds the objects we carry
displaced by
misfortune in time.

i am the depth
i am the road
i am the impossible
you long to hold.

mundane
poems
of
heartache
bleached
curtains
dull
skin
scenes
of
fury
once
alone
longing,
oh
shape
shifting
black
crows
pecking
at
new
life
fantastical
frenzy
leading
me
down
to
the
purgatoryof pretentiousness

i fell into freedom
my last sickness bled
wounded knees
are my omen
for fearing the regret
blindness ensued
by the art of decadence
lapping my loneliness
to heal what must be forgiven
suffocate in my web
of self care
mistaken for truth
support but no input
secure yet unprotected
cut out and crystalized

****** drifters travel free

illusions, confusions
they all seem true
when i think of the past
i think about you
into the deep end
its natural but it'sblue
i wonder and i wander
its complicated but it's you
in times and scenes
its seems and its real
its hard to accept
but anything can feel
abyss and release
interpret
conceal
confiscate the obvious
retaliate and deal
my hands are old
my conscience isn't clear
manuscripts and confidence
the truth can never
steal
will it ever be
the questions in my mind
marriage and soul commitment
are really hard to find.

feel and be felt
hearts and its pelts
of truth and meaning
souls corrupt obscene
flicker of reaching
and believing
what it does not want
to hear.
undo but remember
tell all to forget
the joy and beginnings
the emptiness
of new identity
results and regrets
misfortunes and placed bets
ensue and form
equipped with unknown
murderous sights
grip my longing
to push until broken
loved yet unwanted
felt but not kept.
the cancer of curiosity

oh, beautiful illusion
grazing my glorified point of view
misleading wants
biased selflessness
trains in sight
translucent and always late
old music tenderly swooning
emotions of my moments
i am the pretender
i am the fear within fear
of leaving
i'm regressing towards
love's slavery
forceful freedom
and sheltered
unknowns

dusty dreams
heavy hearts
fleeting folly
of this happy home
bed making afternoons
love and loss
objects of affection
waiting to be felt
empty voices
soothing sounds
take refuge here
apparitions of ambition
manifest in well lit rooms
delicate moments
dwindle in the lamp-shade of longing
nesting in the shadows
is the bright light
of beginnings
but i still grasp for broken glass
i still cherish the remains
i paint exits
cover doorways
and wait alone
i cannot fear
what i haven't touched
i will never leave
what i miss so much

mercy
you're rising now
tempting the lines
of personal decadence
uneducated
with numbers
just feeling
and wonders
unearthed and exhumed
by treacherous admittance
four years of commitment
composed of sinful self sacrifice
caused us unrest
left us unchanged
corrupted and pleading
for lampshades and cradles
nesting in suffered sheets
why are you alone?
beginnings break free
when you battle the best part
mercy
you're alive yet unwell
in your dreams for fair weather

feel my skin
touch my heart
accept my undertones
adhere to its sympathies
embrace my struggle
ponder my curiosity
braid my hair
bare my courage
take pride in my potency
sing to my soul
penetrate my light
trace my outside world
consume my life
enjoy my blood
cut up my thoughts
shove my spirit
endure the unknown
**** me dry
fear, not do.

please stop calling
the window is falling
down to the crown
of your head
theres no opening for challenges
ive resented
and vented
now im jumping myself
into pain
rewind and you'll see
i was there, when free
now im committed and stretched
dim and diminished
stop trying
it was love
and its dying
flicker and flutter
at dusk
with another you will know
it was your father
who put me away

ceilings see
the better part of me
i envy whats above
the answers are within
fingertips in fall
predict the freeze
in forward thinking
the sign is on the missing door
elements are lost
mind between frequencies
tuning into whiteness
executing blindness
roads of temptation
lead to regret
hallways on the sidelines
where i live alone
placing bets
4 for never, 1 for today

what i know is enough.
its fated and now its tough
im a coward in this cluttered room
pleasing results into personal gloom
when life is simple to anothers ideals
but to me it's not fair
its not true
it isn't real
expect me
direct me
but glance to grey matter
understand me
demand me
to just stay.
wish for my happiness
stay in the lines
i'll escape with my thoughts
and remember the times
who knows me
not you
not me for very long
love me, always
if i sing to your song

this is love when you're tied down
this is love when you're never found
i am writing to your last life
correlating new fights
lessons learned
found your turn
carved it in your eyes

over and far away
across the sea
the ghosts i see
they see through me
silent mockery casts
around my steel composure
decays my hope by
truth's overexposure
i seek shelter
in my contradictions
i seek power
in my prided perceptions
raindrops on starboard recall
beat me to mud
i am blinded by
what is misunderstood

they hold me to every word relayed
always remind me with a nod
that i'm always searching
for those lost at sea
always returning
to my journey
to the dead

they're comprehendible
never moving
never touching
just between
real love
and imperfection
i coast these waters
at my own self speed
i long for something
which doesn't exist

first time since june
it was all in my head
but in a puddle of my moods
i knew right then time
would never move
forward with you again
backwards we fled
a solid hole in my hollow heart
i'd try to disintegrate with hope
something in between
kicking at my face
but my eyes refused to see
nothing's what it seems
back to our graves
soil suffocates our faces
covering the roots of every
thought and place we felt and saw
as one
smoke stuck to the stars
turn the aimless ticking
for who is to blame
this is just to say
ive woken up to you

Each past fortifying moment
tends
to be concluded
by a bitter fall.  
Once I awoke
from my
empty dreams.
Standing there,
you were in the distance
with your will
to pervade
all areas of my life.  
as I dwelled,
you descended yourself
close
to my reach
as I clasped at
only the amount
of which I could
apprehend.  
I was fully aware of
your strong inclinations.
Believe I wanted
nothing more than to
emulate every touch
your heart felt.  
But mine was so
incapable of
saturation.
My tender attraction
to torment
fastened me in my
chair of
possessiveness
I was
so faithful to.
My dawdling
from confusion
was so misgiving
until
everything was falsely led.
Your hostile anguish
I comprehend now
so clearly.
So time faded what
was unwanted and
I have this memory
relaying a
message  
I am too aware
of now to discount.
Days are just numbers and
distance can
dispose in the past.
And it’s this second chance
I can’t do without.
And this devotion I’ve recovered
from the deep depths
that’s been with me all along:

My subconscious hope was the epitome of you.

There will come a day
When sights
And sounds
Will melt into
The air and say.
“why have you held on?”
and I will reply
“because my heart
is too strong”
I’ve ripped and
Torn through
The endless
Fabric that
Wraps around
My senses
And keeps
My conscience
Warm.  
Warm enough
But reserved
For a night
When you leave
Her for me.
“a day my friend,
of no guarantee.”
To love is to live
To be hopeless-
My life I’d rather give-
Away with this heart
That’s
Beating
Me.

Music is my strongest scent
When the softest tune
Triggers all of what it meant
To come to grips with the end of sentiment
I traveled far in this bed
Came to a tunnel
At the end of my head
And in the light I saw a dream
Where I froze all memory
In a tray next to my hearts glow and gleam
I pull it out when the melody begins
Love letters and holiday inns
Cubes of desire in glasses of gin
In dreams, in misfortune I try to melt
All of which your heart ever felt

So to ravage these eager glimpses of grins so restricted
Will these hungry hearts ever get their fill?
I find anorexic love is such wasted time
It’s like martyrs without a meaning
A world apart
Three worlds from your heart
Forever is such a crowded sound
vibrations of time compete with the voice of a stoic.
Despair is the birth of a constant decay

there was a fleeting ebb
to what was once
adored-
an irony to emptiness
when you're so hollow
you are self absorbed.
and i taste the salt
above my skin
i remember
an ocean of love
in summer-
an affair without sin
a bitter gust delivering
sudden alterations
as i stand against it
to combat change
in this destiny so delicate.
but i breathe it in
just to miss you
for it's something
close to nothing
but grains of memory
are revealed in sand
and i'll feel the cold heart
of winter on my sleeve
in time for summer
to live again-
to hold comfort
in my hands;
to forget
what it's like
to leave.
for i've learned there's more
to life worth keeping
than the arms of a boy
whose soul is weeping.
isolation was your
closest thing to closure
while these breezes
turned to bruises
and all instances
refreshed my past.
driving away or
driving me away
either one was
to justify all of which
you wish you could say.
you said "love is not a toy"
but you were just a boy.

This is the avenging of my mediocrity
Altering into virginal happiness
My ventilated train of thoughts
assist the obsoleteness
of the impression i had
of love.
my reverie of hope
a simple consideration to hold
something i've never come to grips with
for i cant hold on
to what the other has let go of
my knowledge grows
my hand's been raised
for quite some time
an indifference for beings
saturated in ignorance
for they're just caught up
in the years that have passed
my soft feelings
have turned to rock
by the beast himself
i held such languish
but now i toss it all to the killer
i'm walking across the line
of bitterness and betrayal
and grabbing what i missed:
a chance
for things to be
new again.

my alternative inspiration
has long been deceased.
but the clarity of dreams so aspiring
arose from the grave
so succumbing to the doubts
formed by my misfortunate past.
there are letters written
to an empty room
where a callous man lay
in his unfurnished chair.
i breathed exhausted air
into his deserted lungs
and abided the escalation
of his deflated heart.
in time i reached a parallel conclusion
where these hollow endings between lust and love
had disconnected with hearts and heads.
i sympathized with his fevers
and disappointments in desires.
i have forgiven our distance
for solitude was only felt in our beds.
i have forgiven this silence
for it was a gift from my head.
i do not long for anyone that was-
just the feeling;
just because.
i see films of deceit
i hear time pounding through the window
and its consecutive ticking
reminds me these cursed scenes
can be repeated.
i rely on afflicted moments
as steps out the door.

lover’s lament is a foreign phrase.
the failure to follow through
after days and days.
a night well spent amplifies
the objection  of your heart.
the only self-reverence in your hands
is the skill to erase.  
i am desperate with intent
and you’re high off the assumption.
with a whiff of my willingness
your power is content from presumption.  
desire is essential only when
you fear I don’t need you.  
i react to negligence and
all it does is feed you.  
your eyes have averted
as you’re fully aware.  
my will is good but
nothing to spare.  

i need an end to this name
i’ve been given.
i need a start to this life
that’s become bedridden.
you need a friend
in this karmic
game of resentment.  
what decadence a fair-weather
friend will give
for their own contentment.  
i look around and
i’m the only one still trying.  
your poor heart still bleeds
it still bleeds.
it’s still dying.
like a silent revenge
fallen upon my deaf ears.  
i still hear you.
expose yourself but
conceal your regret.
it’s your own self-doubt
you find hard to forget
attack for full control
that you accuse me of stealing
a gift in exchange to retaliate
your warped feeling.  
to be afraid,
to be afraid,
to be afraid.
is to be free.  
and you’re just like me.

when you can’t tell the difference
between clouds and smoke
peaceful heavens or
an eventual choke
when you can’t feel the flicker
of an endless delight
or the flames of a love
no longer in sight.
calloused hands of a brooding man
holding tight to his fear-filled plan
how he kept her heart close
by the rope of his desires
the friction of selfish dwelling
set summer’s glow afire.
his fists were now sore
she could love him no more.
he again, a martyr of love
for her to adore.

falling in love with ghosts
that's what i miss the most
no time, and there's so much space
freedom's a lonely gift
but not that lonely if
you leave no chance for it

i'm chained to your deepest fear
buried in words unclear
what's missing is all i feel

im pressing our moments thin
reflection's deep within
direction i am without
spirits pass by me now
but how can i touch them, how
my soul's stopped reaching out

to the grave my truth will land
memories, grains of sand
breathing's what keeps me real
what's missing is all i feel