To carry a big heart
To open more
To feel more
To give more

To believe
To sacrifice
To dream

To be exposed
To teeter
To be shaken

I refuse to be eaten up by nothing
By the coercion ******* the flowers
Rooted in my lungs
The heat from my cheeks
The dazzling fierceness which
Propels me to bounce to
The ***** of my feet every morn,
Burning like a furnace that in my rib cage.
I tire of hiding my teeth
Of living in lukewarm tragedy
Of living a crescent life
Granted, the rain pelts ******* hard
With a terror that threatens
To buckle my knees
My thoughts at most times stings
Like a hive of angry, angry bees
And my sight becomes hollow
Or I shatter inside
An extremity,
Channeling the world
Into saturated hues,
Sickly and taught with
A crackling tension
My heart thunders in that dangerous way
My palms sweat with
Static energy
My tears beg for them, to me,
To stop
Yet, I continue to climb
To touch the sky when day
Folds into night,
When there are those perfect
Pockets of light
When the golden rays kiss
Where it hurts
When the world tilts into magic
When I know where there is so much beauty,
A naked, honest beauty,
She rules from her throne
At a moment of in between,
I know, too
I will be okay
With myself constantly shifting
From full, to crescent, to nothing
But always, eventually,
To something

The weight, the tug
The pains which lace
The thoughts which peck
The eyes which thwart
The inner caches
Shift under light
Collecting change,
Giving more away
~A window,
A candle aflame
A breath of summer sweets
Rushing in the chest
Still under renovation
Paint the walls anew
Settle in down with wild flowers
A buzz of bees,
A trickling creek
Build a skylight
Allow the night to heal
A heart to be
A heart to grow
A heart to cup
With warmth

I’m small
I’m nothing
I’m not but a speck

I click and rattle
Each waking moment
Clink, clink

Yet with each breath
I bubble with mirth
I paint a dream

I reach

fazed, wandering the summer night
of ricocheting melodies,
orange infused and bouncing
as crickets shoot like ping pongs
and cicadas echo over
the green, rolling hills
pockets of light encased
within our laughter,
a cheek to cheek grin
a composition bestowed
of teetering vertigo
and unsettled dust,
the chaos rolls and crackles
plugging the ears,
snatching syllables,
eyes steel shut and we yell,
scream, crackle and smile,
our hammering hearts
closing in orbit

what am I
but an impression in the world
a twilight of life
an ephemeral speck
a temporary flame
a fleeting beauty
of bones and soul

reminiscing in sweet memories
savoring the laughter, cheeks
sore from laughter
and hearts flushed with
warmth and desire
and with these memories
often leave a bitter edge
a yearning for it
when it's all not
quite
true

the magic of looking, breathing
and drinking
~drinking the light, sounds
movement, emotion,
the story~
that is the magic
of art making

drink in the sky,*
the moon, the stars
the puddles in the streets
and the quiet moments
where souls hold breath
on the brink of a clattering
*downfall

feelings can
tear me apart*

yet I have the strength  

to collect the pieces
and paint them under

*a new light

perhaps she doesn't know much else
lifting her feet flagstone by flagstone
and breathing with a fierceness
which trailed behind her gaze
she fumbled under the twilight haze
mumbling with half shadows and half light,
her life captivated by half truths and half loves
stranded on an in-between
like coral reefs and rolling fogs
she dreamt of a life of absolutes,
crooning with morning calls,
so deliberate in their musical merit
yet she walked with half steps
and lukewarm indignation,
her reach falling short by indecision,
So she anchored in what unearthed her heart
with fantastical reads and splash of color
and afternoon gold-drenched walks
she yearned for a full truth, a clarity
yet little did she know the coral reefs
housed by far the most beautiful
of creatures

my heart betrays me
knowing, witnessing a definite pitfall
I've run through these toxic hills
have heaved for breath
and quenched the consuming fire
with slow, deliberate pails of water
as flames scorched my everglades, my morning dew
and golden grass fields,
I have tasted these winds
and ash already collect on my tongue
I betray my own
for I hope

pillars of light
spill like bubbling mirth
so sweet, so healing

a heart which still quakes
a hand which throbs awake
welcome, to all, I say

looking for you
is like searching for a
gap in the clouds,
under the blanket of night
scattered with ocean sprays
whilst searching down alleyways
lit with fountains of light,
so with a punctured vision
and clothes drenched cold
through a city I don't know
I still search for you

the cold cement and buffeting wind
a gentleness to the moon

the rustle of night's reign
blanketing the world unseen*

Alone I walk, dreaming inside
with an ear to ear grin

melodies bouncing like light
with the heat of the sun

*inside my stomach

while reminiscing through
the thickly pined forests,
the gurgling streams
and fiery sky, blinking
through the notches and scars
with blazing beauty,
with sea's gentle drumbeat
and silvery descendant of heavens,
caress my numbing hands
with a mitten woven with
precious gems and
heartstring

like watercolors,
like light leaking
and souls breathing
like scribbling ink
like fragrance of dusk
and friendships caught
in embrace
the dearest, the closest
to heart
crumble like that
of fragile earth

flutter of fain keynotes*
chiming of icicles
rattle of soft hurts
and embraces of affection
flowing warmth
*and desire for artistry

I wade through clouds and sea
through these souls note awake and carefree
eyes locking and hearing sporadic
we all feed envy and cruelty*
*and in return desire zeal and love

soar high, high up above*
past the withering carcasses
of hollow dead-eyed fellows
high, I say!
far above the parasitic perpetuations
and petty misdemeanors,
far, breathe untouched air
witness the blissful expanse
of open, pure sky
so there you can witness the flirtatious moon
and noble sun waltzing lovingly,
the flight of clouds sailing
like in pursuit of treasure
of feeling your body untethered and free
*of soaring with joy succumbing to sublimity

a stray needle stuck within the knitted sweaters,
thick wool of dark forest green,
or that of soft spoken orange
stitched with reds and blues
of a sunset setting behind evergreens,
the swift stroke, a patch of red
and tight fitted turtle necks
to tickle the hair, the ears
worn under the brilliant cascades of snowflakes
falling, whispering, sighing as the air
shimmers with a piercing blue
and snow melting on the flushed red of cheeks
the stray needle slips from hug to embrace,
from kiss to piggyback,
pricking pain far further than spilling blood,
the crackle of pain and echo of loneliness,
the sear of rejection and haunting isolation,
so it slips unnoticed,
twinkling under the moonlight

be kind to yourself
as the tempest sweeps over
be gentle with your folly
as pain laces your spirit
be allowing of acceptance
on those days of
unimaginable pain

like stones in a pocket
the aches of the past
persist to haunt
in my waking dream

the sliver of days
morph into senseless pain
pushing love away
while all the way craving it

recoiling, I cry out for haven
far, far from the torrents of pain
I see my spirit is not of one half
but rather laced

with that of human imperfection

she leans into the wind,
feeling her gravity tilt,
the world trickle into sparks
the whistling burrows
into her ears,
the sun streaks grandiosely,
leaving glowing pockets of flesh
like gold sweetened with wine
as the warmth hits
the side of her face,
and she smiles, grinning mischievously
as gravity encases her and she falls,
head first towards the mossy, steaming earth
a cool mists roll through valleys,
and as she banks into total darkness
she climbs through only to find
her hair whipping like fire,
her muscles taught with life
and eyes bright as silver
as she soars through the skies,
finding her haven was waiting, patiently
beyond the trenches
of defeat

my blood boils,
reeling thickly through my veins
my limbs swell with red,
breath quickens and hastens
for an explosion of incoherent material,
simply permitting the emotion
to tremble deep in the marrow
of my bones like the way the earth
rumbles with exhilarating fury,
the world vanished and I'm consumed
with this parasite inside of me
and I fume and tremble,
anticipating the impeding scream
building in the hall in my chest,
its digging fingers creeping through
the cavities and pulsing throat,
and I open my mouth to shout, to scream,
yet nothing escapes...
I walk silently, the quaking of my knocking knees
and darting of my eyes
betraying the sizzling coals
boiling the red I feel
pooled in the pit of my stomach
and like spit fire, my fury collapses in
its own exhaustion,
so simmering and flickering,
I burrow into an empty shell...
waiting for my wounds to heal

I long for those
nights, those shining days
where I streaked
with such youthful
vigor

a hazy blue evening,
the sun receding
like the slivers of ocean's sleeve
blemishes of bright purple and pink
strokes of red and green
pacing through the buffeting wind
and strongholds of damp sand,
my mind wanders aimlessly as such,

rich aromas of food
sweet splendor and sticky adventures
a current of fluttering notes
and laughing conjecture passes by
as blank as grey on a wall

my feet travel, my mind unravels
my feelings coil and roil
so I lose count of my breath,  
sweet with loneliness and wine
to escape from such
harsh resentment, suffocating
with a worthlessness of mine

my life thus far
have been finding a home
a living space to house my love
a kindling hearth
to trust and fall

door slamming in the thunder,
rumbling blemishes
and coiling swaths of color
a brisk bite of chilly autumn air
and the swinging of the ground floor,
window panes taught from the strain
leaves pouring through the neglected window
crackling peels of paint
and lazy glows of aged bulbs,
a house toppling as the tempest endures
a house resisting the urge to fall,
you see, look closely
through the knocking of the storm,
the walls cannot fall
and nor can the roof,
there is a treasure to protect,
and memories to cherish,
all the lifetimes of happy fishes
and warm pies to relish,
a house of this kind cannot perish
it guards the kisses
and the starry night wishes

love...
love?
love.

cup my heart*
with dawn's pink down

ease my stomach
with pine's brisk aroma

heal my sores
*with water's gentle touch

two notes of laughter
interweave like stream water*
trickling and shimmering
two voices who
love one another

a companionship
which eludes my grasp
trembling and sinking
I stand feeling like
*an alien

my words, they halt like rusted hinges
they feel down and heavy,
translation of my inner whirlpool of feelings
thoughts and ideas, interests and loves
held on mute, so all I receive
is static noise or echoes of a ghost self,
the inner chord which rings with every step
which put a bounce in my cheeks
and a shine to my hair,
where has gone its magnificent self?
it's tugged, dragged down, deeper and deeper
into the chasm of cracks
which pried itself open with
the hauntings of loneliness,
so that the warmth and admiration
pooled in my stomach recoils and gets ****** in
to what feels like a icy numbness creeping
like a parasite without hesitation
a pit writhing with black snakes
and I'm left plucking at air, at a nothing
to which I am no longer aware,
and when will this aching strife
cease to be, when will this pain halt
its seize, when the loneliness shrinks
back to its corner of the world
and I left to smile and breathe?

I collect rocks where my heart
felt light and soul bright
and love infinite in the sky,

I collect rocks
to anchor my earnest dreams

The walls capsized
Revealing massive luminous structures
Lights spilled, dancing and careening
In the lakeshore northern air
The water swelled, breaching the concrete
And music ballooned through the echoing streets
The sleeping giant tumbled onto wakefulness
The arrow of unconventional beauty
Shot into the climbing night

the expanse between
my ribcage
feels like nothing
like grey,
it's cold and heavy
numb and blind,
wading through it all,
my spirit is shrouded
with fog
its tendrils spill through
the rig bones, consuming
as it goes
I hide in a shell
clinging to the things
which I do know
to weather this storm
of stillness,
as I search for a light
of a magnificent source

I remember when hurt
bolted my smile
I remember when pain wailed
ceaseless and cruel*
I remember when laughter
trickled like gold
I remember tenderness and love
*healing my sores

nothing surpasses the beauty,
the spectacular rhythm
whirlwinds of enthused notes
bejeweled like ripe dew drops
on clear, crisp cerulean-blue sky days
when the world is teetering into a ricochet of memories
and an unfurling of colors
behold, their magnificence
casting storms, smudges, highlights
in the structures of our faces
in the marrow of our bones,
the melodies criss cross and intertwine
clutching onto the remaining casts of
sunlight's glow, a swelling feeling
in the canals of my chest, flooded with
the emotions carrying the sediments
from dominances far, far from those days
of silence, of a quiet which
eroded the ebb, the pocket of singing voices

would it be nice*
for a change
to fall asleep, knowing
I'll never be completely
alone


~love

stuck high, high in a fog
glistening bulbs, whispering
reminiscences of gold and pinks,
of blues and greens,
wading through a marshland
crisscrossing streaks of dreams
wishing upon a falling star
rustle of trees, savoring the breeze
the sweet, crisp wind and icy glares
melted, blasted into watery gazes
with the grinning avalanches
and warm, warm smile,
a mystery, a marathon mystery
twisting through woods
and bridging mountains to the next
a marathon mystery
an ongoing memory

feel the weight
of its fibers give
under each touch,

the slick sound of canvas
and wood creaking
under each human thought

gaze upon the mark making,
the presence of emotional ailment
of a joy and grief

watch, soak up the arc of the hand
of the eyes whizzing past
bright and intense

the colors overlap,
the hues sing in harmony
or clash in discord

these thoughts careen,
slicing like slick sheets of ice
screeching with a spare of strife,
a wiping gesture and a breath of air
sprays of cold grey
and cascading slivers
of doubt,
of a gnawing sensation
leeching the warmth
from the lining in my stomach
watch the weather pass, the
clouds sailing, unfurling with direction
round and round with the wind
thinking with purple bruising
and shocks of lightning,
I feel the rubber insoles
pounding the pavement,
crunching over gravel,
sinking into dewy grass
my mind unwinds like film
my thoughts fly
would I ever know
where to go

the salty air
choppy, blue-green shore
two figures walking,
swaying, reminiscing*
breathing
*sharing

fear sits in the joints
of these clumsy hands*
like a stagnant pond
half drowned in shadow
which syllables could I string?
what words belong?
oh, how fearful these fingers
uneven nails and all
betray my feelings with
its trembling and nervousness
I fail to commit, to uptake
what they really want to say
and never mind the sound of the words
I'm far from ready to hear their notes
writing out would be the first step
to committing, and oh how I fear
that they would have
*never belonged