Standing by the elevator
I gather my strength
Walk in
Try to make myself push the button
I need you near me
You don't want me there
The urgent knock on the door is strong
But I'm still here
Paused
In the elevator

You fill me with all of me
You are
(Too little)
Of my past
You will be
(The focus of)
My future

You were:
The begining of something new for me
Helped me out of my rut
My old routine
You are:
What I live for
Everything amazing in human form

The stinging reminders of you
Running horizontal
Across the length of my legs
The power of what you did to me
Showing up
Where no one can see

The tears running down my face
I don't understand
The things you do
Why you do them
What goes through your head
While all this is happening
I cant even think straight
My life now
Is me stairing at a wall
Blankly
Consumed by sadness
That you selflessly piled on to me

Monotony
Day in
Day out
Same thing
It is
My life on repeat
It is what my life has evolved to be
This is
My deadening
Monotony