Once I had thought that wizards existed
and I was king of Persia.
I drew with chalk on the ground
and sang to the birds, thinking I could speak their tongue.
(In my mind...)
I could fly, far to distant lands.
I could morph into animals and warriors,
defending the Queen Grandma from the evil villain Grandpa.
(In my mind...)
Long ago, those dream were real.
There was no difference.
(In my mind...)
I was invincible.
(In my mind....)
Then life hit me.
(In my mind...)
Grandma and grandpa could no longer play horsey
and aged to a ripe old age.
I morphed into an adult, with bearded chin and hairy chest.
My wings were clipped and I was forever grounded.
(In my mind...)
The birds tweeted, and my chalk broke.
My crown was tossed into the bin with my childhood.
(In my mind...)
Wizards only exist in books. Persia is long gone.
Where did life go?
Give me my wings back.
Crown me again.
Let me fly high, let me be king again.
All of this, in my mind.

Count every calorie
1,2…Too many
Try each quick trick,
power shake,
weight loss,
fat *******,
muscle building,
fiberlicious,
piece of ******* I can get my hands on
Take the stairs, not the elevator
Walk to work, then walk home
Jog in place,
Do 10 push-ups,
Jumping jacks,
Tuck jumps,
Sit-ups,
Scissor kicks,
You name it I’ve done it
I’ve stuck to my diet for so long
My menu has consisted of a million and one ways to say bland
I have looked into low-fat,
No fat,
Fat free,
Sugar free,
Sodium free,
‘Feel free, to leave me on the shelf because I taste like dog ****’
versions of every name brand in the produce section
and now…now I would **** for some cheese fries,
Or a giant cake just for me,
An entire package of Oreos dipped in Nutella,
Or simply a candy bar
Dieting takes will power,
But vending machines take mere pocket change.

I have been used
I have been abused
But you wouldn’t know that

You say you see me
You say you know me
But you don’t
You just want
To see what you want
To hear what you want
But you wouldn’t know that

I was mistreated
Misunderstood
And hurt
People looked down on me
And treated me like
I was nothing
But you wouldn’t know that

You look through me
Not at me
You hear me
But don’t listen
You ignore my words
And ignore me
But you wouldn’t know that

I have been talked at
Not with
I have been told to
Not asked
I have been laughed at
Not with
But you wouldn’t know that

I’ve been treated
For so many different
Problems
Your head would spin
I’ve tried so many
Medications
You would go insane
But you wouldn’t know that

I’ve tried to work past
All the beatings
The darkness
The bullying
The abuse
It hurts
But you wouldn’t know that

I’ve told my story
To few others
Because the few I’ve told
Don’t believe my story
Because I’m me
Because I’m happy
As happy as can be
But you would believe that
Wouldn’t you?

And as you sit there
reading
You don’t know who I am
Where I’m from
What I do
What I want
What I wish
What I need
Because you simply
Don’t
Know
That
Nor
Do you care.

I sit here
reflecting,
wanting to be
somewhere else.

I can move,
but I can't.
I'm stuck
in this place.

I watch people
walk past
not knowing
who I am.

I hear people
talk,
not knowing
I'm here.

If they do
know that
I'm here,
they don't let on.

But that's
okay,
because I'm here
reflecting.

Not giving
a care,
to what goes on
outside.

Because I'm here,
reflecting,
but I don't know
why.

Do I think
that what I think
will help me
pass time?

Or is it simply
a way
to forget that
I'm here?

Do I know I'm here
or am I somewhere
else
dreaming.

Dreaming and
sleeping.
Not giving
a care.

Because I'm here
reflecting
Not giving
a care.

My words
Are my everything
They make me
Nay they are me

You ignore what I say
You ignore who I am
What makes me
What I am

You simply
Read these words
Not feeling a thing
You ignore what I mean

How dare you
Take away
What I am
Who I am

By not listening
You stop knowing me
For at least the brief time
You don not know who I am

If you do not listen once
You probably don’t
Ever
Which is a shame

Because I try
To get you
To hear me
And know me

Through the words I say
I form who I am
What I am
Myself

Because
My words are my everything
My only thing
Me.

I heard the beating of our drums.
I heard the howling of our voice.
I heard the pounding of our feet.

I am lost within the dancing-
Within the tribe's own soul
as if its spirit found me...
                                 and chained me...
                                                       and claimed me...
                                                                              ....and refused to let me go...

When life took me through doldrums
And times of distress
I looked to the future
And dreamt of success
When I came close to crumbling
My dream carried me through
The days I faced failure
I dreamed instead I could fly
For years I had plans
I knew I wouldn’t be like the rest
Settling for practicality
I would be the one who made it
But society called me crazy
For daring to try
I decided to settle
I looked through a filter called reality
And with a dull knife
Dipped in regret
I clipped my own wings
And sometimes I remember
The dream I once had
I can feel it coming up
The song I once wanted to sing
So I choke it down
And pretend it’s not there
I painfully swallow the ambition’s I had
Then turn a blind eye to the pain in my heart
The voices of practical and new dreams
Console me each night
And they tell me the payoff is
That my dreams don’t get crushed,
But that’s only because
I’ve crushed them myself.

You raised me on your own.
You kept me,
Even though I am the constant reminder.
The reminder of my father.
He beat you.
He starved you.
Yet you kept me.
Raised me.
Never regretted me.
Do I look like him?
Do I remind you of him?
You left him.
I thank God that you did,
Because if you didn’t
I wouldn’t be here.
You don’t need a man.
You are strong on your own.
You taught me to be strong.
Told me to be strong when I needed to be.
When that was all I could do,
Was try to be strong.
Even though I am far,
I won’t be for long.
I love you Momma,
With all of my heart.