****, I guess my legs aren't working quite right lately.
I'm taking awkward steps you know.
Some big, some small,
and they're all mixed up.
And I don't seem to be going in any direction at all.
Some times I go right, then sometimes left.
And I walk backwards. A lot.
A whole lot.
Some big steps, some small steps,
even when I'm walking backwards.
Just imagine how tough that is.

These days I sleep naked
so it could be like our nights of deep slumber.
Only now its just myself.
Caressing my own arms,
tracing the outline of my own face.
My own breaths keeping me awake.
I liked it better when yours were to blame.

On a more disturbing note I found a man that was half dead in my bed this morning.
He had a picture in his hand of a woman.
Probably one he had never even met.
She was naked and beautiful
Too beautiful
For this man to have.
There was no chance that a man half dead such as this could ever walk along side a woman of her caliber.
She was the artist, in his mind at least. When he closed his eyes he saw her face instead of the actress.
Imagined her ******* instead of the actress
Her hair instead of the actress
Her ****** instead of his hand.
But
All there was, was this half dead man with a vivid imagination.
The artist was far away
and didn’t even know about his feelings.
And so I called her and described this half dead man on my bed,
And she said
“no I don’t know him. I don’t love him neither.”
And that was it. Just enough to convince me that I was this man, not half dead ,
But dead.

The sun is up,
it's beautiful.
My window pane is no barrier for such a force.
My clock is reset,
my eye lids are up.
Extending my limbs past my head
my ears get momentarily cloudy.
When I sit up,
it's beautiful.
My window pane is hardly a barrier for such a force.
A sibling's groan,
It means they're up.
Thank you sun for setting my clock.
My window pane is hardly a barrier for your grace.
I feel heavy,
but my eye lids are up.
My mother died this morning.

Sometimes I lick my lips,
pretending it's you with me.
But my tongue is far too rough.
And it doesn't fit in my mouth the way yours did.

You're pretending to know what you want,
so next time you reach for my neck
I'll turn away.
I can't waste my time on moments like these.

This cough's my grandma saying she'll be right next door if I need anything.
She never sleeps,
her eyes are closed but she never sleeps.
She's warning me that he's coming for me,
I'm just not ready to admit it.

You said we can't kiss till Easter. 
Who says I'll want to kiss you on Easter. 
Who says I want to kiss you now. 
Now you want to kiss me, 
After changing your dresses and hair and nails. 
And after 
getting-it-out-of-your-system, you want to kiss me. 
I want to kiss you on Easter. 
I want to kiss you right now,
I want to pull your hair and and smear you lipstick.
But I won't tell you that. 
Last time I did you ****** on my tires.

Just got off the phone with you.
Hope I didn't just hear him in the background.
Maybe it's my self doubt causing hallucinations again,
but I'm almost certain I heard his murmur from behind you.
It was a nice conversation.
You spoke normal enough.
I pictured you lying in bed,
the darkness made your skin look gray,
and you were just smiling with one hand on the phone
and one hand under the covers.
Then I heard his murmur,
something like one or two words,
and the picture changed.
Please tell me it was my echo.

We can be together if you want.
I'm indifferent i guess.
Actually I'm not.
Not at all indifferent.
I'd like to be with you.
so that I can sit next to you
any time I'd like.
And we can hold hands,
If you want.

You make me so very happy
when you turn your cheek.
I reach for your lips
but instead I get an ear.
What?

I'm sweeping up the last bit of your hair.
I've already steamed the couches and rid them of your scent.
You're gone.
And now my memory is jogged.
From time to time things jog my memory.
Things like walking out the front door, those times you tried to run away.
And taking a bath, you bathed here once.
And laying in my bed where your warmth was welcomed.
Mundane things that I can't escape.