Stop scoring my heart with lashes so deep I'll bleed forever.
Let me breathe without you shoving hurt down my throat.
I've been so careless.
I'm downtrodden, walked all over by your heavy actions.
Why would you leave so sudden?
You walking away left ****** footprints all over my translucent skin.
You weren't wasted time,
You were wasted concern, pain, and love.

I'm sincerely dreading the moment when I see you this weekend
and your back will be turned
and it'll take all of my strength not to touch you
and it will destroy another piece of me.
I'm honestly dreading the moment when I see you, too, Friday
and you'll spot me first
and you will feel hurt again
and I will continue to feel my guilt.
I'm apathetic about the moment when I'll avoid your gaze Friday night
and you'll resist the urge to talk to me
and I'll remember that I'm just bad news
and you'll apologize, but not to me.
I'm unsure if I'll even see you Friday or Saturday
and I will act perfectly normal because that's what you need
and it will only confuse you even more
and I'll lie when I tell you "I love you too."

I see you and only wish to hold you.
It's all I want to do sometimes.

Sometimes my heart aches with the thought of you in my arms.
It encompasses me and engrosses me.

Me, something that loses meaning with every use.
You, an idea that never ceases to escape.

Escape is for the ill-willed.
I'm perfectly content living in this home-made prison.

Prison is a concept not alien to me.
But if I had the choice, I'd choose prison over the old "freedom" I once claimed.

You're all around me,
Inside of my head.
I feel the ghost of your touch from merely minutes ago tracing circles.
I feel the softness of your skin beneath my fingertips and I'm lost.
Lost in the sensation.
Lost in you.
Lost in all the wants flashing through my mind.
Lost in the echo of your voice in my ears.
Lost in the lingering scent of your intoxicating perfume.

Why did I want you to rescue me last night?
What was going through my mind when I called asking for your number?
I'll never know.
Why did I start crying, lying on that floor, with him all over me, on the phone with him?
Why was I craving your disappointed gaze,
Your angry disapproval,
Your tired recklessness?
Why did I think you actually would come for me?
Why did I want you to feel some emotion towards me, even if it was distaste at my actions?
Why did I want so badly for you to be there for me one last time?
Why didn't I just do it?

Love.
In Love.
I am in Love.
I am desperately in Love.
I am desperately in Love with you.
I am desperately in Love with you, so much, it breaks me in two.
I am desperately in Love with you.
I am desperately in Love.
I am in Love.
In Love.
Love.

I find myself looking around,
Searching for your eyes.
I won’t find them here, though.
But it feels like I should.
It’s a different world here.
It’s like I’m living in two different worlds.
One is here, in this city, eternally seeking you.
The other is back there, home, where you are.
I want you to be here.
My comfort level would increase insurmountably.
And then this throbbing in my chest might recede.
And then this feeling of tears nearby would diminish.
And then this ache for you would be eliminated.

Break me free of this directionless Hell.
I'm lost inside a prison I made for myself.
I'm crumbling as I want to scream.

I'm dying to show you what you may already know.
I'm dying to know what you fear to show.
I'm loving the show that I know.
I'm loving the show that I fear to know.
     How can I love you?
          How can I convince you?
               How can I fear you?
I'm craving to know you.
I'm craving you to know.
     What don't you know already?
           I know,
The.
Answer.
Is...

Breathe, into me.
Show me the pathway to all that charm you keep locked up inside
     that guarded heart of yours.
Show me all that beauty that I’m dying to see, silently begging to see.
I admire from afar, biding my time, but I know it’s all wasted.
I can’t be what you need.
Wasted time seems to be my specialty, but I don’t want it to be with
     you, my own special brand of splendor.
Wrap me up in the exquisite silk of your warmth and let me know
     what it’s like to be genuinely quiet.
The quiet that only you know how to do.
The quiet that will comfort me in its perfection.

Whenever you step into my life,
It gets ****** up.
I get torn up.
I don't even love you anymore.
You broke me.
Ripped me apart.
I hate you with every fiber of my being.
And yet,
you still manage to know me.
And destroy me thoroughly.

I want to tell you everything I'm thinking.
I want to hold you and whisper sweet everythings in your ear.
I want to ask you the questions I'm dying to know.
I want to condemn my heart to the blackest of nights without you.
I want to wrap my arms around you, breathe you in, and melt into the
     essence of you.

All I know is the fight going on inside of me.
There's always war being waged.
But I've gotten lost in the beauty that is you.
The battle now is of you.
The aching in my chest won't recede.
Armies fighting near my heart, making me cry tears of blood.
Hear this now,
the battle is near over.
As for the war?
I shall not know for a few days longer.
I shall not know until the moment my eyes are laid upon you.
I shall not know until the very second I touch you.
All things will be clear.
The dust will have settled.
There will be one defined winner.

I'm done with all of this.
I'm sick of never doing the right thing.
I'm done with hurting over this.
I'm sick of always wanting you here when you can't be.
When you won't be, when you don't want to be.
I don't want to see your face in my dreams,
and be haunted by it for days.
I'm done with craving your touch.

When I look at you,
I'm looking into a still blue lake.
Seeing a reflection,
Not identical to me,
Yet, underneath,
The meaning is still the same.

The words you speak,
Are the words I write.

When I look at you,
I see a river.
A flowing that never ceases.
Spreading love in many branches.
Your silence, your actions,
Have strong undercurrents.