I'm done with all of this.
I'm sick of never doing the right thing.
I'm done with hurting over this.
I'm sick of always wanting you here when you can't be.
When you won't be, when you don't want to be.
I don't want to see your face in my dreams,
and be haunted by it for days.
I'm done with craving your touch.

See my strength.
I'm not as weak as you think I am.
I'm not going to break with the slightest weight.
I'm not a camel and you are not the last straw.
Hear me when I tell you I am not fragile.
That I can support more than you think.
That I've done it before.
That was more burden than you could ever dream of being.
You will not crawl into my nightmares as burden.
You will crawl into my nightmares as being lost into the blackness.

How do you love when you're filled to the brim with hate,
Intolerance for the one person you loved so much once upon a time?
I don't want to destroy what I've tried so hard to create,
And I've found myself leveling off with pure internal crime.
How do you keep on going with life when you're blind,
Unfaithfully stumbling to find the beautiful new you?
I've loved and lost and found you locked up in the same bind,
Hopelessly hoping for something not quite the same hue.

I'm sleeping in a calm dream,
Images are spilling out of reams.
Hold me,
Take me,
Throw me out into a castle of beams.
Slay me,
Shank me,
Bury me in a field bursting at the seams.
Hurt me,
Slap me,
Shove me into an ocean that'll no longer gleam.
Bite me,
Slave me,
Drown me in your evil scheme.
Kick me,
**** me,
Make me a part of your supreme regime.
Love me,
Hate me,
**** me with your glass-shattering scream.

I want to tell you everything I'm thinking.
I want to hold you and whisper sweet everythings in your ear.
I want to ask you the questions I'm dying to know.
I want to condemn my heart to the blackest of nights without you.
I want to wrap my arms around you, breathe you in, and melt into the
     essence of you.

Your skin,
so sweet,
so soft,
so smooth.
Your taste,
so addicting,
so dangerous,
so luxurious.
Your eyes,
so beautiful,
so daring,
so cunning.
Your lips,
so lovely,
so consuming,
so overwhelming.
You,
so perfect,
so loving,
so intoxicating.

All I know is the fight going on inside of me.
There's always war being waged.
But I've gotten lost in the beauty that is you.
The battle now is of you.
The aching in my chest won't recede.
Armies fighting near my heart, making me cry tears of blood.
Hear this now,
the battle is near over.
As for the war?
I shall not know for a few days longer.
I shall not know until the moment my eyes are laid upon you.
I shall not know until the very second I touch you.
All things will be clear.
The dust will have settled.
There will be one defined winner.

I find myself looking around,
Searching for your eyes.
I won’t find them here, though.
But it feels like I should.
It’s a different world here.
It’s like I’m living in two different worlds.
One is here, in this city, eternally seeking you.
The other is back there, home, where you are.
I want you to be here.
My comfort level would increase insurmountably.
And then this throbbing in my chest might recede.
And then this feeling of tears nearby would diminish.
And then this ache for you would be eliminated.

I've sat and stared at that one word so long, it has lost its meaning.
Love: its taste in my mouth as it rolls off my tongue sends shivers down my soul.
Your smile: its beauty is radiant enough to bring warmth to my ever cooling core.
You: you relit the flame inside me, but now you've nearly blown it out.
you didn't mean to, I know, yet here I lie, embers where a volcano once erupted.

Love.
In Love.
I am in Love.
I am desperately in Love.
I am desperately in Love with you.
I am desperately in Love with you, so much, it breaks me in two.
I am desperately in Love with you.
I am desperately in Love.
I am in Love.
In Love.
Love.

I ache for relief.
I ache for you.
I ache for so many things I'm not allowed.
I shouldn't ache for you, not any longer.
I shouldn't ache for relief, not any longer.
Yet,
The ache is still ever-present in me.
I ache for what had been between you and I.
I ache for what had been seven and a half months ago, before you, before relief became a thing of the past.
I ache for stability.
I ache for you.
Can't you feel me?!
Can you feel anything?
I'm not sure I can anymore.
All I'm left with is this aching inside my bones.
All I'm left with is this horrendous trembling in my muscles.
All I'm left with are memories of days gone by.
All I'm left with are unfruitful days without you.

Talk,
To me.
Tell Me,
the things you've kept locked up for weeks.
Please,
I beg of you to open up.
But,
As I type this you become more closed off.
I Feel,
believe it or not I do.
I bleed,
that too.
I won't,
Bleed for you though.
Not,
In that way.
I won't,
Ruin myself that way yet again.
I won't,
Betray my hard-won stability for a little relief.

I want to break through the barriers.
I want to break through to you.
It's you whom I crave to touch.
It's you whom I dream about.
I want to burst through the walls.
I want to see you.

I only want you, forever.
I'd be happy to see maple irises 'til the end.
Your smile ignites a fire in me previously unknown.
Your smile makes a piece of me turn to flame from ice.
You melt all the tough in me.
You melt all the ice and rock inside this shell.

I will fight for you.
I don't want this to be the end.
Please,
Hear me.
Hear my soul crying out for you.
Feel its pain at unfortunate prospects.
Feel its love for a person that I want to hold so badly.
Hear me when I tell you I love you.

When I look at you,
I'm looking into a still blue lake.
Seeing a reflection,
Not identical to me,
Yet, underneath,
The meaning is still the same.

The words you speak,
Are the words I write.

When I look at you,
I see a river.
A flowing that never ceases.
Spreading love in many branches.
Your silence, your actions,
Have strong undercurrents.

Back and forth on a timeless time machine.
I walk to the edge and see a field of flowers.
The field goes on for miles, stunning in it's vastness.
Every single flower is purple.
Not the same shade of purple, but every shade, magnificent in its rainbow of purple.
Dark purples.
Light purples.
Purples close to blue.
Purples close to pink.
Purples so dark they near black.
Lilac purple.
Lavender purple.
Every purple you can imagine and then some.
These flowers are not just one kind of flower either.
There are carnations, roses, lilies, daisies, every kind of flower you've ever heard of and then some you haven't.
These flowers take over my vision and consume my mind so that all I see is flowers, and purple.
But, as I peer closer, I spot one flower that is a different.
That flower appears to destroy the beautiful effect of all the purple.
But it doesn't.
That single flower is a bright, crimson red.
The color of horror flick blood.
It's a vibrant dahlia flower.
The petals cascade violently over each other, craving my notice.
Craving the euphoria of touch.
I sympathize with that flower.
I, too, knew that craving.
I, too, knew the craving of another's touch.