it started out as a feeling,
which then grew into a hope.
which then turned into a quiet thought,
which then grew into a quiet word.

i dream of love,
of having loved,
of loving,
of being loved.

i dream about you every night,
although i may not always remember.
you're always, always, on my mind,
although i may not always know it.

i dream of you, and you, and you.
you're the one who left,
and you, you're the one in pieces.
and then you, you're the one in secret.

the one who left, i dream.
i dream about you night and day.
at night you smile and love to live,
during the day you're still bleeding.

the one in pieces, i dream.
i dream of you and your broken smile.
it isn't broken when i dream of you.
you let me fix you and your smile.

the one in secret, i dream.
i dream of you and that's all.
it's you and me and we're happy,
and that boy of yours stuck around too.

i dream in pieces and slices and shreds,
i dream in color and monotone,
i dream in quiet and i dream in chaos,
but i always, always dream.

The moon is a charring ember
Dying into the dark;
Off in the crouching mountains
Coyotes bark.

The stars are heavy in heaven,
Too great for the sky to hold —
What if they fell and shattered
The earth with gold?

No lights are over the mesa,
The wind is hard and wild,
I stand at the darkened window
And cry like a child.

i wonder, did it ever cross your mind
to wonder how it felt to give my heart to you?
how it felt to break down my walls and bare my soul?

yeah, okay.
i admit that may have been a bit dramatic.
but i think that's just how it was with you.
i felt every word, every laugh, every smile
[and, truthfully, every carefully platonic touch.]
just a little too much to suit my cowardly self.

the thing is, everything you came from
[and everything you brought me, too]
was always just a little too much for me.
oh, but you know how much i like it when it hurts.

so, i let those walls fall down and i bared my soul.
i asked for nothing more than you could give,
and i gave you everything i could give in return.

but now, i suppose you never told me one thing.
you felt i wanted something more from you,
enough to take away the thing that made you smile.

but god, you know me better than the things you accused me of.
how many times and in how many words had i wished not for you,
but for the happiness i knew you deserved?

there is only so much i can say,
and even little that i can do,
to make things different.

and i have nothing left to give, anyway.
my heart is tired of beating, and my soul?
it's just tired of being pushed around.

so i'll back myself in a corner,
and watch the world pass by.
pray for you to forgive me and, maybe,
stop by and say hi.

I keep on dying again.
Veins collapse, opening like the
Small fists of sleeping
Children.
Memory of old tombs,
Rotting flesh and worms do
Not convince me against
The challenge. The years
And cold defeat live deep in
Lines along my face.
They dull my eyes, yet
I keep on dying,
Because I love to live.

I sleep alone but I’m not crying
My palms are sweaty but we’re still trying
My clothes are wet and your hair is drying
When we kiss I feel like flying
You begin to leave, I feel like dying
You whisper I “I love you”
I know you’re lying.

Illuminating light
from a booklight in my bed
I do not read; I write
of the feelings from my chest
I’m flying like a kite
and you’re ******* with my head
We always say goodnight
when we lay ourselves to rest

The people that care about you,
Out number the one person that doesn’t anymore.
Life is worth more than that,
Take it into consideration.

Why do we keep hurting each other?

How much longer can I live your dream
before losing mine completely?

What more can I do to please you
before forgetting what pleases me?

How farther away can I go
for us to be closer to one another?

When will you be able to listen to me
without letting your voice take over your head?

No matter what I do what I say how much I try where I am
you cannot let go of my life
I cannot let go of the life you force upon me.

You have a way to make me feel
useless
like I always felt, when I wanted
more than once
to escape.
The only place where that is possible
is somewhere else but this Earth.

From time to time
I feel like I am just a kid
being manipulated
by your expectations.
You cannot stop worrying about me.
I cannot stop worrying about you worrying about me.
I am tired of trying to maintain the fake peace around us,
of not being able to tell you how tired I have got
especially now.

How do I gather the courage
to stop thinking too much,
which does not help at all,
to simply let go
of everything?