It's not fair that I'll have to see you,
All dressed up and looking perfect, as always.
While I'll be dressed in the usual jeans and t-shirt.
Why?
So many why's.
Too many.
I'm sick of the questions.
I'm sick of the doubt.
I'm sick of the pain.
I just want to throw it all away.
I just want to throw you away.
Why're you forcing me to see you?
Why're you forcing me to feel pain?
Why can't I just remain in the back of your mind?
Why can't you just remain in the back of mine?
Why must you continue to torture me?
Does it make you feel loved?

I remember
When you would get upset when I wrote angry poems.
When you loved my poetry.
When you called me your little worry bug.
When I called you crying.
When you called me crying.
When you told me you'd made a mistake.
When you told me you were scared.
When I was thousands of miles away and wanted to hold you so badly.
When we went to those concerts together.
When I broke my foot and you were so worried.
When we went to the park almost everyday.
When I told you I loved you.
When we first kissed.
When you held me while I cried.
When your world came crashing down around your ankles.
When I wiped away your tears and you wiped away mine.
When you were unsettled that I'd picked up what killed your favorite person.
When you picked up the same thing.
When you decided I wasn't worth it.

Stop scoring my heart with lashes so deep I'll bleed forever.
Let me breathe without you shoving hurt down my throat.
I've been so careless.
I'm downtrodden, walked all over by your heavy actions.
Why would you leave so sudden?
You walking away left ****** footprints all over my translucent skin.
You weren't wasted time,
You were wasted concern, pain, and love.

You're breaking this brittle heart of mine.
At the same time that it's hardening over.
I can see all these people clawing at my skin, wanting me to be okay.
All I can feel though is you, pummeling at my chest.
I'm just lying here and taking it, just like always.
I'm unable to push you away, completely.
I'm unable to allow you in, completely.
Cracking under the pressure, I'm fissuring into two people.
One that'll be okay, one that'll appease those begging me to.
But the other is gone, torn apart by your greed, your sadism, your hatred, and your confusion.

I feel drained of energy.
I feel drained of power.
I am exhausted.
I am weak.
I am what you view me as,
     untrustworthy and on the verge of breaking.
But I'm untrusting now too.
You can claim that one.
You caused this pain, this wretched burning ache.
I can't let this go.
Not again. Not without solace.
Fighting drains me of energy I don't have anymore,
But how can I give up on someone whom has shown me so many
     marvelous things?
How can I fix this when I broke it unknowingly?
How can I express the amount of regret I feel without cutting myself
     asunder?
Right now I'm splitting and I have no recollection as how to sew up
     this bleeding mess.
I'm a mass of anger, no soul in sight.
It's disappeared, lost in a sick abyss of death and terror.
I'm a sick abyss of death and terror,
     finally fitting into the mold I made for myself long ago.
I don't want this.
I don't want this fight.
I don't want this hole growing beneath my skin and under my heart,
     right where my lost soul used to inhabit.

Whenever you step into my life,
It gets ****** up.
I get torn up.
I don't even love you anymore.
You broke me.
Ripped me apart.
I hate you with every fiber of my being.
And yet,
you still manage to know me.
And destroy me thoroughly.

You make me yearn,
for things untouchable.
You make me learn,
lessons invaluable, unforgettable.
You make me turn,
around and face up to fear and anxiety.
You make me burn,
for your touch, for your skin.
You make me earn,
everything and it's all for nothing.
You make me return,
to all those feelings lost in the fire of the past.
You make me spurn,
all trivial "lovers" that mean so little.