I climb into bed
Waiting for a non-existent sleep
To take me into the dreamworld of my childhood
Where I had
Blindness
And
Quiet in my head

I sleep
Or try to
But my thoughts are loud
And breaks in their conversations
Are few and far between
And never quite long enough
For me
To fall asleep

I wrap the blankets around me
Like tentacles
Forcing the air out of my lungs
Forcing me into
Unconsciousness

I dream
Or something like it
For a minute or two, it seems, upon waking
And the quietness that had enveloped my mind
Awakes
From the trance

I wake
To a thousand thoughts
And headache
All the thoughts that could not be heard as I dreamt
Shout out
To be heard and acknowledged

And then
Then you dance for my hunchbacked heart
And my thoughts stop to watch
They stop to listen
To the sound of your breath
To the sound of your footsteps

And there is quiet in my head, and blindness
Like the dreamworld of my childhood, long since forgotten

Chaos and complexity
This demon standing next to me
The angel's on vacation
She says this is a test of me
But this might take the rest of me
I gotta somehow make this demon flee
Before he gets the best of me.
I've done this all before.
I need no one to rescue me.
This demon is no match, you see.
To fail is not my destiny.
A demon's never bested me.
Each demon that's tested me.
Learned why it shouldn't mess with me.

You see, I've become a soldier.
From all the chaos and complexity.

I remember
When you would get upset when I wrote angry poems.
When you loved my poetry.
When you called me your little worry bug.
When I called you crying.
When you called me crying.
When you told me you'd made a mistake.
When you told me you were scared.
When I was thousands of miles away and wanted to hold you so badly.
When we went to those concerts together.
When I broke my foot and you were so worried.
When we went to the park almost everyday.
When I told you I loved you.
When we first kissed.
When you held me while I cried.
When your world came crashing down around your ankles.
When I wiped away your tears and you wiped away mine.
When you were unsettled that I'd picked up what killed your favorite person.
When you picked up the same thing.
When you decided I wasn't worth it.

Don't shed any tears.
He's still right here with us.
You really think he's gone?
You really think he'd miss this?

Before you even knew my name.
I put you on the ground in shame.
By the time I had you beat.
I was then a pawn in your deadly game.
I'm going for the throat this time.
I will put you down again.
I'm too strong.  You'll never win.
I'm too smart.  You'll never win.
You think he's slow?
Oh, he's on your tail.
You think you'll win?
You were born to fail.
Nothing else can scare me.
I'm rapped in razor wire.
Nothing else will shake me.
It is time to eat the fire.