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Feb 2014 · 395
a teacher's rant
Natasha Teller Feb 2014
depression and anxiety? my students get a break.
the teacher with disorders, though, gets more than she can take.
frustration's running high, 'cause i've got thousands of demands;
but criticize the system, and i'll get a reprimand.

“meet them where they’re learning,” but standardize the tests.
“every child is different,” but graded like the rest.
“no child left behind,” in a class of thirty-three.
we’re “racing to the top;” if we lose, it’s all on me.

differentiation; meeting high and low.
always being proper... everywhere i go.
scheduled 'til 3:30; stay at work 'til eight.
try to teach with love; i'm often met with hate.

meetings, staffings, lesson plans,
trainings, weekends, lending hands
both to kids and to the staff
time for leisure? that’s a laugh

some kids cheat; some don't care.
read a book? "that's not fair!"
my one plea: follow rules.
“i don’t care. it’s just school.”

we are people just like you
we’ve got stress and feelings too
only so much we can take
‘till our minds begin to break

more excuses, several lies
so much stress i start to cry
“suicidal! fix me now!”
don’t have training; don’t know how

fifty things i have to do
never go to sleep ‘til 2
overwhelmed and breathing fast
i can’t handle—i won’t last—

i cannot relax
the panic attacks
my sanity’s gone
the class must go on

they’ve never heard
these unsaid words
my eyes are clouds
they’re all so loud

patience gone
raging on:
“maybe this
isn’t bliss”

dead brain
joy drained
must run
i’m done
Don't get me wrong, there are lots of wonderful things about teaching, and I'm glad that I do what I do. I have some phenomenal kids. But sometimes I feel like I'm going to collapse, combust, or both... and that's not all on my students. It's on the system, too.
Feb 2014 · 866
nuclear
Natasha Teller Feb 2014
YOU ARE the mushroom clouds beneath my flesh,
shaking my skin with every explosion;
dropping your bombs through revealing emotion
your fission to my fusion / blurred vision and collusion,
you're bright like destruction, it's fatal seduction,
eclipsing existence, to hell with armistice,
come shock my shell come **** my quell
come make me ring that warning bell
come raid my air
come slay my care
come rip
a*part
mY
HOSTILE
PRAYER
Jan 2014 · 478
strike
Natasha Teller Jan 2014
you make the quietest sort of noise,
a silent red static
to harmonize with my screams

you are
bright and strong
and solid as a minnesota lake
in the coldest winter

your eyes are steadfast
as keats' star

and if anyone hurts you
i will tear the heart out of them
Jan 2014 · 1.0k
Forestry
Natasha Teller Jan 2014
I.

She is held by long arms of vines,
belted by dark flowers:
a living column surrounded by broken maples,
shadowed willows,
and daisies of ink.

She is still as stone
and whispers like rain,
soft and wet syllables beneath gray skies.
Many creatures hear the noise;
few listen to the words.

Help, she cries.

II.

They come, at last,
to save the forest.

But she still stands,
toes rooted deep in the dirt,
her bark unmarred,

and they cannot see
the rot within.
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
it's nights like these
i feel trapped by the city,
raw nerves exposed by interrogative streetlights,
my burning fury unable to escape
the bell jar of light pollution.

i need a long stretch of country road,
the windows rolled down in my ******* car
as i drive straight into farmland,
cornfields embracing me on either side,
the whisper of husks and leaves reminding me
it's going to be all right.
i need the only light to be
the sea of stars above, night left unmarred;
i need the pastures, the ponds,
the animals asleep in the barns,
the smell of hay, sweet and familiar.

i need to wander into the night
and kneel down in the dirt
and curse what i need to curse
where no one can hear me screaming for miles.
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
surrounding us: a billion stars
in a time when a trip to mars is like walking around the block
and captain kirk and mister spock are arguing
about the prime directive.

we’re beaming to a planet’s surface. now listen:
i know about inverse tachyon beams
i know about coded klingon screams
i know about going to warp factor eight
i know about redshirts' survival rate.
(no. chance.)

i’m beaming down with the main crew
to the surface of minerva II
we've got a malfunctioning interstellar transceiver which is distressing-- dysgraphing? dismantling…
…i don't know.
scotty said it was defective.

so we’re on this planet,
standing on one side of a thick forest packed with monster janeks,
starfleet says we need to fix this thing yesterday, and we’re in a panic—
and **** it, mccoy is a doctor, not a lumberjack,
and kirk says we should just burn through the middle with phasers,
and spock says we must preserve respect for all life forms no matter the situation.

now please remember kirk’s the captain.
that means he runs this show
but kirk always listens to spock,
so
we spend two days walking through the forest.

surrounding us: a billion trees
in a place where a strange disease is rare as feathers in a flock
and captain kirk and mister spock are arguing
about the prime directive.

halfway through this dark-lit trip
things go wrong (obviously)
and an alien with shellac for skin captures the captain.
said alien grabs a vine, ascends into the canopy of the trees,
and for one glorious moment
i believe kirk’s the dead guy in this episode, not me!

but spock, in his calm and logical vulcan voice,
orders us to exercise any necessary force to recover the captain.
translation: **** EVERYTHING. JUST GET KIRK BACK.

we reach the janek village.
being a good redshirt, i rush in, phaser blasting, ready to complete the heroic rescue of our captain—
and get killed instantly.

as i was dying, i heard the sound of thousands of janeks dying beside me
saw spock help kirk off the ground
and the last words I heard were theirs:
“captain, are you in need of immediate medical attention?”
“nah, spock, i’m fine—”
“mr. scott. the captain is hurt. beam us aboard immediately.”
one’s arm over the other’s shoulders,
they vanished.

surrounding them: a billion stars
in a time when a trip to mars is like walking around the block
and captain kirk and mister spock are arguing
about the prime directive—

but the prime directive
was never the real objective.
My very first attempt at slam poetry, back in the day... this was written for a sci-fi slam. Live long & prosper.
Dec 2013 · 2.0k
shotgun opera
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
the wind whispers to you in furious ways,
ominous notes, like a dusty violin
stenciling finality into the air.

the percussion
of foot-soldiers trembles the grass.

  you have grown, my war-child,
  from the days of ****** tea parties
  to a diva guerrilla,
  terrible and well-rehearsed,
  your bulleted libretto close to your chest--

and as trumpets sound in the offing,
the curtain draws back.

AK-47, pizzicato--
gasoline breeds fire, incinerates woodwinds,
the wine of the coloratura soprano
melts into blood.

  witch, *****, daughter of gunpowder,
  bella contralto, your
  deep and tremulous vibrato is a
  grenade,

and as death crashes to a crescendo,
mortality in the tin frequency of cymbals--

the only armistice
is annihilation.
Dec 2013 · 625
Passing Into Me
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
The clouds enshroud my night in blackened cold
I'm stretched from tundra to savanna grave
The snow and sand comes at my eyes, a wave
In shades of frozen white and burnished gold.
I'll heal, I'll overcome my grief, I'm told
But healing's not the medicine I crave;
There's nothing left of breathing now to save
And nothing left of loving now to hold.
But when the sky parts, brave and bright with stars,
I feel your ghost rise up inside my skin
And though my smile is cut apart with scars
The promised healing fuels and begins.
My faith consoles me; you'll be never far--
The presence of an angel is within.
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
for Mark, on our wedding day*

I.

beneath trembling constellations,
your eyes reflect orion
and i realize--
the ink of night has drawn us into
wick and flame.

fragile orchids bow at the shell of your ear,
my lips in their wake,
whispering of light and shadow and love,
violent and fierce and
angelic.

my face is pale against the wind.
your bones have all but disappeared.

II.

you are as coal and ember,
fugitive in my fireplace,
dancing songs upon my cold skin
with dark fingers,
laced into the atoms of night.

the votive flame waltzes
in its mirror of wax,
our vigil;

tremulous as the first breath of midnight,
steady as the whispers of ivory
that dust the unbroken canyon
glittering under the full moon.

III.

your name breaks open
shattering over stones like starlight--

the resonance echoes
in the spaces blurred by darkness

and i am lulled to sleep,
to shelter.
Dec 2013 · 1.2k
trompe l'oeil
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
I. the breathing of human nature

her poetry weaves a chimera
through ontario maples,
ghostlike songs intoned in late november breath:
*i don't really want to be a pretty girl... *

whispers of woodsmoke fall from sky
(sky, pink as cochineal, pink as avarice
sky, blue as bruises, as jazz, as tropical waters)
she steps from the fog and ash into the beckoning trees,
seduced by leaves,
an autumn saturnalia of honey, flame, amber,
nectar, pistil, anther.

she is cupola and chalice,
budding fuchsia and iron cherry--
but she writes and breathes
as if something more than a woman
who knows all the names for the ocean
stirs and struts inside her.

II. the statue and sobriquet

piano wires melt into statues,
heat steals rusty bottle caps
and bends them eerily into muses.
butterflies perch astutely on their shoulders,
violet, violent, a mosaic of shredded lilies and shellac,
paris in flames, flowering tea-houses,
the mariana trench, a thicket of morning glory.

nature sculpted this metaphysical tribute to her
for all that she has done, for all that her bent fingernails
and snow-covered lips have given
to inspire solstice and equinox--

in the night-songs of the crickets,
crystal bells and rustic chirps,
she was lauded.


III. declaration

she feels the songs in her eyelashes
and writes of wine and palest bone,
fragments of bashful moon,

roots her fingernails into the tarnished canadian willows
and finds her way through magnolia clouds and sea-spray sky;
after all, she can soar.
Dec 2013 · 842
songs with my father
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
in infancy,
vienna waited for me.

before bedtime,
i stood on my father’s feet
and put my tiny hands
in his large ones
as we danced around the livingroom
to billy joel.

i learned to read at two;
while young, my father taught me
how to gently set a record on the turntable,
move the arm, set the needle down

and i read the lyrics, memorizing:
war child, dark side of the moon, sports.

we made our fingers walk on a thin line;
we made our faces angry with grins.

he, via ian anderson, showed me
how to carry a sword and take a stand,
told me to be who i really want to be
and taught me what to do
when i join the good ship earth.

older yet, we sang duets,
his deep “by the hand, hand, take me by the hand”
to my “i wanna hear some funky dixieland—”
his “no sugar tonight”
to my “new mother nature.”

now, at fifty-six and twenty-five,
we sing about shiny teeth and having
nothin’ but a good time.
we teach the midwest
not to mess with a *******.
Dec 2013 · 637
beauty
Natasha Teller Dec 2013
he was beautiful,
but not in the ways we covet so often.

he did not have hair i could run my fingers through
or soft skin to touch;
his eyes sat deep under a too-thick brow,
his hair was a tangled mess,
and his face was rough as concrete.
he was not outgoing and eloquent,
nor was he cultured—

but he was beautiful
in the way a whisper threads through air
in the way a spider dances
in the way one stands among ruins
and breathes softer,
in awe of the quiet power of the place,
as if a gasp would shatter the stones

he was beautiful
like the red flush of shame,
in the way rough terrain tells more intimate stories
than a smooth road,
in the way thunderstorms are
a thousand times more glorious
than the sunshine,
in the way the hoarseness in your throat
is triumphant after losing your voice
to screams of joy

...he was beautiful because his was
a purposeful ugliness

he was beautiful
because he tried so hard not to be

— The End —