Alcohol
It can stain your lips red
Or leave your mouth with a certain taste or smell
Alcohol
You used it to forget
It eased your numbness
A raging alcoholic
Darling, why are you screaming???
The alcohol was enough to change you
One minute your fists are clenching the steering wheel
Knuckles white
The next you are swerving
And listening to elevator music
You laugh hysterically as you toss empty bottles out of your window
A raging alcoholic
You send me texts late at night
And call me crying at 4 a.m.
You can't drink on an empty stomach
And you've got it down to a science when it comes to sobering up for football in the morning
Your eyes are this hazy red
I can't remember if it's from the alcohol or your allergies, because you haven't taken your medicine in three months
I saw you as a broken jigsaw puzzle
Just waiting to be pieced back together
And you looked so cold
So lifeless
Your body is ivory white
Your lips feel like Alaska biting down on my neck with frostbite
I miss when you used to be happy
Truly, utterly happy.
The radio in your car hums slowly as the lights of the freeway ignite your face
Your vision is more blurry
Than when the doctor asks you
One or two
Your father yells at you when you come in from coming in so late
I am sorry
Sometimes I forget that you are someone else's son and they worry about you
Speaking of parents
You aren't the only one to possess alcoholism
My mother
A woman in her fourties has been elongated to this deadly desire since she was a teenager
I don't have my license yet
But she always makes sure to have a ****** Mary when we are out to eat
I happen to think it's because of me
Maybe she can't stand my company.
She has to poison her blood stream to be able to sit still when it becomes silent
The pearls on her neck glisten like the haze of her eyes
She seems far away.
It was the alcohol that caused the break up of our family
A man who turned to god and farming is still married to a teenage partier.
Maybe this is why my father hid all of the wine glasses in the house.
Her son
Has also turned to this deadly conundrum
He used to drink over four times the legal limit
"I know how to hold my liquor"
He'd say under slurred tongues
He was a natural
Relied on drugs and alcohol to soothe his depression
He got pulled over when he was 16 for drunk driving
And my father picked him up with shaky hands
A dissapoinment, he thought
He fell down a flight of stairs in an abandoned building
Broke his nose and laid in a pool of water until his friends found him
A lesson learned, you'd assume
We all work on it differently
The sadness, that is.
I mean
I write
But my neighbors drink themselves to sleep
An accident waiting to happen
When they choke on their own *****
I don't want to plan all of these funerals
I love you
Give it up

I just want to get drunk,
But maybe I already am..

This is an open letter to anyone who feels the need to share their poetry with me
This is an open letter for anyone who wants to bury their face in an endless succession of books with me
This is an open letter to anyone who will listen to records with me at 2 A.M.
Someone who will buy me coffee with a bit of sugar, but more creamer
This is an open letter to anyone who wants to watch the cars go by with me
Someone who will warm up my heart with cups of soup and soft blankets
This is an open letter to anyone who has the audacity to love me for myself
Someone who will not shout and hold my wrists down when I cut my hair too short
This is an open letter to the adventures, the game changers.
I need truthfulness.
I need laughter.
I need someone to fill up the empty cracks in the delves of my palms.
I want silly candids in the city.
I crave long nights spent driving around, staring at flashing streetlights on an abandoned road.
I want postcards sent from everywhere you've ever stopped and missed the tone of my voice and my unsettling hands.
An open letter to those who collect seashells, like a ******* addiction.
To those who love thunderstorms as much as I do, and would much rather hide in the rain than bask in the sun.
Rain is for us, you know.
To those who will dazzle me with their immense vocabulary.
Those who will capture my attention like sharp swords catch the edge of fabric on your right shoulder.
Those who want to stay up until the sun peaks up from behind the tall mountains and wraps words around my skin in the early hours of dawn.
The ones who whisper sweet nothings on the phone with me until I drift off to sleep
An invitation to those who kiss with their eyes closed and imagine the days and nights passing between our lips.
To those who believe lightning is just God taking pictures of us, he wants to see how you're doing.
This is an open letter to those who live to write and write to live.
To those who thrive on the emotions behind paintings and live to see their fingers swell.
This is an invite to anyone who isn't afraid to become messy with me
To dance in our underwear while we paint fresh daisies on the apartment walls
To those who aren't afraid to eat Popsicles with me on the kitchen floor.
To those who help me find endings in places I need to place a period.
This is an open invite to anyone who is willing to light off fireworks with me on the courthouse lawn.
A careful boy with thick brown hair
And sea green eyes
Freckles and thick framed glasses
A boy who isn't afraid to get his hands *****
A nightowl
A poet
He carries a brief case around and calls me darling.
His favorite thing is big spoon
And his inspirations come from me
He's never lied to me once
He doesn't like sports, but sometimes he can go for a game of soccer
He always takes photos of me when I'm not looking and he collects them like the way he collects metaphors
He wants to be wanted as much as I do
And he looks for me too
I love you
I hope to meet you soon

I think I'm still depressed.
I have trouble leaving my bed anymore.
It's a miracle if I wake up before 3 in the afternoon.
I like to talk to you on the phone so late, so maybe that's part of the problem.
I've never laid eyes on something so broken.
Sometimes, I listen to her poetry at night and I cry, because her voice reminds me of you and how we used to play it through out your stereo.
I always knew all the words.
You were always seemingly impressed.
I don't want to tell anybody about the sadness, because I am afraid of going back to that place.
I always think about Craig.
I think about how his chest heaves, because he's never experienced love.
Then again, it was love that broke me.
We are walking contradictions.
Both sad of lost love or too small proportions.
All I want to do is let my blankets envelope me in my coldness.
I want to think about the words you left on my lips.
You get so angry when I repeat
You cheated. You cheated. You ******* cheated.
And you say you feel so bad about it, but that's thing with people like you.
They never change and they leave people like me like glass in the bottom of feet.
We are paralyzed.
You say you want to go to sleep, but I just want you to sing me lullabies and read me poetry.
I have never been good enough to hear words of your ignition.
Your own mind.
You take pieces from TV shows and old movies.
You never let your pen write from your own mind.
I found your book, but I didn't buy it because every time I try to read a page I think
"HIM. HIM. THIS STORY IS WRITTEN WITH HIS HANDS"
You take away from stories and cloud my memory, so forgive me for not doing my homework last night
He wrote his name on my book when we went out to dinner.
He drew smiley faces all over it, but lashed out at me when I did it to his.
I used to shake when we would talk on the phone
And you will never understand how many tines I have choked back tears.
Remember February?
I cried myself to sleep every single night.
I distorted my habits, body, and mind to fit yours.
You laughed at me.
I wish my walls could speak to yours.
Mine would explain the darkness in the room
And yours would explain her pleasured moans.
I haven't left my bed in days.

He's got these hazel blue eyes that I like to look in sometimes
His hands are much bigger than mine, and I've always felt so small compared to him.
He's hurt me again
And again
And again
But lately we find reason to come back together like opposite ends of magnets
The ones you stick on refrigerators
The really strong ones
That's us
He let's me call him and talk his ear off until 3 in the morning, because he knows that I get lonely at night
We always fight
I tell him to *******
And he swears at me too
I ask him why the **** he cheated on me
And he tells me he's such a **** up and I can hear the cracking of voice
It reminds me of the summers spent around the fire and the woods catching
He asks me about the other guy
"Have you kissed him"
"Do you like him?"
"Does he feel like home?"
I say no to most of the questions
He says how do you feel about me?
I reply with I dont know
He says I'm tired of I dont know
And I say I'm tired of your **** up excuse
It gets quiet and I remember nights like these
I tell my friends I hate him
I tell my family I loathe him
But when its 3 a.m. and the only thing between us is air and coded particles I can't help but want to kiss him
He was always good at that
From lots of practice I reckon
I don't tell him I'm going to be with another boy tomorrow
He never told me about the other girls
I can't help it
I loved him so much but I can't figure out if I'm just lonely or I actually miss him
I say I'm confused
He says
I know I know I know
I read him poetry
He starts falling asleep
And I get off the phone whispering I love you in different tones.
I wonder if he heard me
There's a part of me that hopes not.

He's got these hazel blue eyes that I like to look in sometimes
His hands are much bigger than mine, and I've always felt so small compared to him.
He's hurt me again
And again
And again
But lately we find reason to come back together like opposite ends of magnets
The ones you stick on refrigerators
The really strong ones
That's us
He let's me call him and talk his ear off until 3 in the morning, because he knows that I get lonely at night
We always fight
I tell him to *******
And he swears at me too
I ask him why the **** he cheated on me
And he tells me he's such a **** up and I can hear the cracking of voice
It reminds me of the summers spent around the fire and the woods catching
He asks me about the other guy
"Have you kissed him"
"Do you like him?"
"Does he feel like home?"
I say no to most of the questions
He says how do you feel about me?
I reply with I dont know
He says I'm tired of I dont know
And I say I'm tired of your **** up excuse
It gets quiet and I remember nights like these
I tell my friends I hate him
I tell my family I loathe him
But when its 3 a.m. and the only thing between us is air and coded particles I can't help but want to kiss him
He was always good at that
From lots of practice I reckon
I don't tell him I'm going to be with another boy tomorrow
He never told me about the other girls
I can't help it
I loved him so much but I can't figure out if I'm just lonely or I actually miss him
I say I'm confused
He says
I know I know I know
I read him poetry
He starts falling asleep
And I get off the phone whispering I love you in different tones.
I wonder if he heard me
There's a part of me that hopes not.

You're in love with me
But I'm in love with him
And he's in love with her
I am torn.
He kisses my cheeks when she is not around
The bouquet of compliments grows
He wraps his arms around me tight
Explaining how happy he is that I came tonight