You walk around and live
with this self detonating bomb
that you call heart

it aims for something good
and wishes something back in return

You nurse those cavities
because the heart longed for something sweet

now you have a broken legs
because the heart wanted to run fastest with those feet

and now,
that broken back because you told me
your heart thought it knows how to fly

and all you've got is that
cavity
broken legs
broken back

but at least you know
how to dream.

we live on the same 20 dollar suit
that we call style

we live on a gigantic mansion
that we call home

we live on with thousands of people
that we call our friends

hundreds of them
we consider as family

we live with  death threats and hunger
we call them adventures

we live like this
and call this life

aren't we even living
we considered ourselves alive

acted like an animal
hailed a hero.

I still love you a little
especially when the old golden days
came rushing back and wash away my being
like ocean waves the sets me in the water a little
I could swim a little but could not drown a little
I care a little

I cry a little.

I miss you a little
and talk about it

a little.

what makes you so special?

I know the answer for sure.
i know it like the back of my hand.
it is in the pit of my stomach
it is the flutter of the butterfly's wings
it is your face shone by the moonlight
it is the chilly wind against my face on a cold January night.

You're special.
Sure you are.  

but, what makes me more special?
to deserve someone as special as you.

An old friend looked at me in the mirror
told her how much I missed her
but did not wish to be with her again.
I told her, it's good to see her around
but did not told her to be around
it's because
I just miss her


An old friend looked at me in the mirror
the one who told me to feast in my sorrows.

I don't know exactly how you are right now,
Whether you're better off without me
or whether you're missing me
or did you even took your lunch on time?
I've no idea how you slept well last night
Nor did I know if you still check you inbox for text messages.

I do not have to ask
Because I could feel you doing well
As I jammed my empty pockets with bus tickets
and took the window side seat of the bus
I'm scrambling to find the lost years
still trying to recover what was once mine
You were always that empty seat on my right side
you are suppose to be on that place.

I'm still on the verge of wriggling out the routine
of waking up and being alive
Writing things like these
Served as my life support for I got no life.
Everyday is a revelation of my own stagnancy
I am just a woman on a sofa bed with cheap jotter pad and pen on hand
Accommodating lost souls tired of living an empty life.
I am not lonely, I am just empty.
Empty of the things I should have said and done.

Ideas always run on my fingertips
but before I wrote it down into words
it has already evaporated
like it really is, running away from me
Just like you.
Your lost brought darkness, in here .
In my empty cage.
Like a black blanket I'll cover over my head during Halloween
I cannot see anything.
But from these darkest days, I learned
that it is best to watch the stars in the darkness of the night.