You walk around and live
with this self detonating bomb
that you call heart

it aims for something good
and wishes something back in return

You nurse those cavities
because the heart longed for something sweet

now you have a broken legs
because the heart wanted to run fastest with those feet

and now,
that broken back because you told me
your heart thought it knows how to fly

and all you've got is that
cavity
broken legs
broken back

but at least you know
how to dream.

we live on the same 20 dollar suit
that we call style

we live on a gigantic mansion
that we call home

we live on with thousands of people
that we call our friends

hundreds of them
we consider as family

we live with  death threats and hunger
we call them adventures

we live like this
and call this life

aren't we even living
we considered ourselves alive

acted like an animal
hailed a hero.

I still love you a little
especially when the old golden days
came rushing back and wash away my being
like ocean waves the sets me in the water a little
I could swim a little but could not drown a little
I care a little

I cry a little.

I miss you a little
and talk about it

a little.

what makes you so special?

I know the answer for sure.
i know it like the back of my hand.
it is in the pit of my stomach
it is the flutter of the butterfly's wings
it is your face shone by the moonlight
it is the chilly wind against my face on a cold January night.

You're special.
Sure you are.  

but, what makes me more special?
to deserve someone as special as you.

An old friend looked at me in the mirror
told her how much I missed her
but did not wish to be with her again.
I told her, it's good to see her around
but did not told her to be around
it's because
I just miss her


An old friend looked at me in the mirror
the one who told me to feast in my sorrows.

I don't know exactly how you are right now,
Whether you're better off without me
or whether you're missing me
or did you even took your lunch on time?
I've no idea how you slept well last night
Nor did I know if you still check you inbox for text messages.

I do not have to ask
Because I could feel you doing well
As I jammed my empty pockets with bus tickets
and took the window side seat of the bus
I'm scrambling to find the lost years
still trying to recover what was once mine
You were always that empty seat on my right side
you are suppose to be on that place.

I'm still on the verge of wriggling out the routine
of waking up and being alive
Writing things like these
Served as my life support for I got no life.
Everyday is a revelation of my own stagnancy
I am just a woman on a sofa bed with cheap jotter pad and pen on hand
Accommodating lost souls tired of living an empty life.
I am not lonely, I am just empty.
Empty of the things I should have said and done.

Ideas always run on my fingertips
but before I wrote it down into words
it has already evaporated
like it really is, running away from me
Just like you.
Your lost brought darkness, in here .
In my empty cage.
Like a black blanket I'll cover over my head during Halloween
I cannot see anything.
But from these darkest days, I learned
that it is best to watch the stars in the darkness of the night.

We are suppose
to be walking out of
the house together
but he left earlier than ussual
today.

I spent the whole
dinner time alone.

The first time
after six or seven years?

I can't barely remember.
He even forgot about the
seventeenth.

He was suppose to be
home by now
but the tail of his shadows
wasn't even here.

I did the ritual i've been doing,
we've been doing for the past years.
I took his bag
Like he walk me out of the house
earlier this morning.
I gave him his neatly folded
white sando
Like I did not spend dinner time
with myself.
I run my hand through his hair
like he did not went home late.

Something has changed
we both know it.

I put my lips on his nape
like he remembered seventeenth

Something sweet lingers
A stain of red on his collar
Seems like he settled for a better perfume
and a better brand of make-up.

He said that it was worth
the fight.

All the wounds that he got
were on the exact place where
they should be

"In time those wounds
would turn into scars, and you'll
never get rid of them"
I said not looking into his eyes.

These scars may appear
as a glitch on my skin to others
but  it's a perfection to me and you
but they'll never understand
because they don't know


That these scars speak
of a language that
only you and I know.

And all the fats started
to
f
a
l
l
from my body.

Most of them are coming from my
brain.

I started to feel lighter.

A coin in a sweater.
more like a change from
a more important
transaction in a grocery store
kept, just kept away from the sun
forever.

Still a coin in a sweater
used in winter
as the weather gets colder

he puts his hand in his sweater

still a coin in a sweater.

"He'll probably need me when he needs a coin
to buy an ice cream on summer"

but no one wears a sweater
in the middle of summer.

"have i ever crossed your mind?"
he asked

"ctrl H" i said

and hand him down
my laptop.

you're like a first attempt painting
on a canvass

i may not undo you;

but i could always scrape you off
and start all over again.

I pressed my face on the bus window
Leaving the oil from my face
Making a clouded vision.
I wiped the glass window
As I stare at the pitch darkness.
There wasn’t a stir,
Even a bit.
Not a single movement.
Just as they say
“It’s the always the darkest before dawn”
Before I knew it
I’m finally home.

You’re a hundred and miles away
And I am here.
Stuck in a place where the sun just shines
And the moon just glows.

You’re a hundred and miles away
And I won’t mind
Running this car so fast
Just to get there.
But if this car stopped.
I won’t mind walking the
Extra 100 miles for you
Because I know
inch by inch
I’ll be missing you.

I hope my love
Can run 20miles/per hr
So I could get there on time
But I only got feet
And without wings a couldn’t fly

If I could just jump
Into the window and see
If there’s a gravity
That I could defy

But consequences and chances
Won’t allow me so …
If you a hundred and miles away
And I can’t find a way
I’ll send my heart
And whisper to the wind
How much I love you

The least I could do is to think
About you

Distance, time and space
May not be on our side today
Who knows about tomorrow?

Maybe, maybe they’ll
Help us find a way
Maybe not today
But someday, someday lover

Roads no matter be
How long they may be
No matter how far they could take us
No matter what
Against all odds
We’ll make it even

We’ll get even
The road that your
Taking could be same road
I am in

And if anyhow, anyhow
This road may not be the very road
You are into
It would surely bring home
Just to find you.

As the hour predates on the minute
I know
I just know
That I just can’t turn back
The things that I have done
But I got no regrets

I look at you
In the photograph
I keep in the corner of my room.
I kiss your eye
As I remember the way you smile
And caress your cheeks
And imagine your heavy breathing.

I look at you
In the photograph
I kept in my back pocket
Like a map a navigator should have
To find himself
Every time he’s lost at sea
Knowing that there’s a
“You” that lies ahead
Knowing that there’s a
“We” to share a bed.

But circumstances aren’t like photographs.
They change.
And they will never be the same.
This photograph
In my hand
Our memories use to fade
Forgotten and unmoved

The world walks faster than me
Fear will sooner or later
Eat me.
Gulp me.
And as I ran ahead
Just to keep in line
I just can’t stay
Where you are all the time

The photograph
May fade
But not your smile
The photograph may fade
But I’m still wearing the same smile

The place you
Are standing in right now
Is the place I used to stand in
Long  before
I wasn’t lying here
Six feet under the ground.

On a cabaret I sat
In the usual corner
Where you could always
Find me.
Misty eyed, sick and tired
Of the world that defines
You and me.
It doesn’t where we met
How we met
When we met.
I’m not even certain
If I’ll ever see you again.
As I stare at the bottom of the bottle
And sip the last drop
Of my whiskey.
The world turned hazy.
I made my way towards the door
And found myself chasing
Another you
Waking up
In someone else’ bed again.

Here comes the night and the night alone
With no stars to bring with her
But only the darkness of hers and hers alone
No moon to at least borrow a little shine
From the sun
Here comes the night and the night alone

In her darkness I’ll surrender
I’ll scream and shout
Let these tears fall down like rain
But I just can’t stop
There’s nothing wrong for being mad
For in her darkness I’ll surrender

The *** is empty
But it’s still hot
The room becomes hazy
The liquid streaming down
My face is salty
With sweat beading
On my forehead
And the stars and skies above me
Enjoying the infinity
The smoke clings
Kick off your shoes
Forget your name
I’ll take it.

the poet is dead
but the pen still got an ink
the poem is in rhythm
but i can't figure out the meaning
where the writer writes to write
and not to be written
where it all starts
and the eye darts
on the ****** white page
deeply savaged
by thoughts in mind
serene and appealing
laughing and dancing
to concretize these thoughts
to make immaterial material
to transcend something spiritual
the poet is dead
yet he is living
not lurking in the dark
but educating
the future in the making

****
Every word you said
for they’re just words
and words can do me no harm.
**** those words
That remained just words
Until now
****
Every word you said
Cos I got my hopes up
But words are just words
And after all they were just ..
Words ?
But it got me
Somehow, in either way
Any way.

I’m falling for your heaven
Together with my oldest sweet desires
Down in the corners of my dream
I found you sleeping

My ecstasy.

The safest place is inside my head
Where I could stumble down and fall
And mumble your name
Taste the life
Slur the words
And put your arms around me
Feel the heat against my skin
Let my heart skip its beat

I’ll sail towards you
To reality

But the ecstasy.

Brought me back
To the corners of my dream
Where I found you sleeping