I say "I am fat"
He says "No, you are beautiful"
I wonder why I can't be both.

I miss you
And you make me sick
Your eyes, which used to bring me butterflies
Now make me nauseous
And I could spend hours dry heaving
Just to make sure I've choked up every last bit of you
Your smile
Has yellowed from the lies you told
There is deceit on your lips
And all the brushing in the world
Can't hide the smell of the crap you made me swallow
Your hands
Which promised to cradle me heart
Squeezed a bit too hard
And left ***** fingerprints on the broken pieces
My own little jagged jigsaw
And as much as I would love to say "*******!" and let this end
I can still remember the smell of your soap in my skin
And the feeling of your hand in mine
And the first time
You
And I
Became us
But my rage won't allow me to cry
On the outside.
You cannot bury what is not dead
So instead I'll put our love on a shelf
And leave it there
Never to be touched
Years will pass
Dust and time will ***** the glass
And all of the delicate dysfunctional intricacies of our love will be forgotten
And in it's own way
Up on that shelf
Our love will finally be beautiful.

I kissed death in the lips
Breathed into him all of my hopes
And all of my dreams
And all of my lies
And all of my insecurities
He held my hand
And told me that I was beautiful
I kissed death on the lips today
I looked into his eyes
And there was no hypocrisy there
Only a truth
That we both knew
He held my hand
And the warmth of my skin
Against his
Silenced all of my fears
And all of my doubts
I looked into his eye
And in a moment
We became one
I kissed death on the lips
And I was no longer
And he was no longer
We just were
And that
Was good enough
For me.

I wonder what the broken call the sane
The ones
Who are whole
The ones
That have a chance
We are in constant battle
A war over what’s right
And what’s good
We paint ourselves
In shades of sin
Until we no longer recognize
Our own reflections
We are in a war
But we are our own victims
And the battlefields run red
With our blood
We are all broken
So I guess the broken
Only speak truth
And the truth is
That we don’t say anything
We just exist
And beg others to do the same

She was broken
A little girl left wishing and hoping that her daddy would come back
That he would sweep down and save her
‘Cause see she was under attack
And as she lie there on her back
She could not help but wonder what her father would say if he ever found her like that
Milk and honey thighs spread on cue
She knew what to do
He kissed her
Scruffy strands of the man he would someday be brushed her cheek
Sweaty hands awkwardly fumbled around inside her blouse
His mouth, ****** the insecurities and doubts from her body
And though these naughty indiscretions would not be something they mentioned in the day light
The moon light of that night cleared her sight enough for her to see that he would be the one to fix her
His seed would work as her elixir of life
And free her from the years of loneliness her father had left her with
And with one last kiss
He entered her
And in doing so
He unknowingly planted the seed that would grow into the girl that would want to call him daddy
And it’s really a shame that it had to happen this way
Because when his 13 year old girlfriend to him she was pregnant
He had nothing to say
And It was that fear that drove him away
She was broken
Now stuck wishing and hoping for a man to be a father to her daughter
Working two jobs so she could provide for her
She daughter grew up before the eyes of strangers
And the danger in that didn’t really show until she was about 13
A young queen in her mother’s eyes
So she easily got away with the lies it took to get her out at night
And her young mind didn’t know love
So she used her body to find Mr. Right
The one that could mend the hole in her heart
Fix her
Be her elixir
Take away the pain she felt inside
You see, her daughter was broken

She did not believe in love
She’d never seen it
Never felt it
Her body responded to their words
Their secret meetings
Revealing her true intentions
She would never be hurt
Her heart made of diamonds would never break
She would not be defeated
*** was her army
And she was winning the war
Her body was a weapon
Land mines hidden on the mountains and in the valleys of her body
She was protecting her most prized possession
Her heart would not be broken
Again

She was gone
A simple shell of the girl she used to be
She was hollow
An empty shell
When the wind blows
You can find her in the whispers of the wind
You can find her in the rainbows of every sunset
And in the illumination of every moon rise
She hides in the shadows of the shade
Yet she never was
And she never will be
She just is
And isn't