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Oct 2015 · 493
Trepidation
Emoni Jenkins Oct 2015
I look at him
And see eternity
I feel the warmth of a thousand sunrises
The joy of a thousand smiles drips from my lips
And yet I am afraid
I fear he sees the darkness that hides behind my eyes
I fear he sees the fingerprints on my shatter glass heart left by clumsy lovers
I fear being let go again
I feel him
And the slaughtered butterflies in my belly are resurrected
My spirit longs for his embrace
To be caressed by his love
And yet I am afraid
I fear the road map etched into my skin will lead him to my secret places
That the convoluted labyrinth of my mind will prove to be a cumbersome burden
I fear he'll collapse underneath the weight of my truth
I yearn to be who he needs me to be
For when I see him
He sees me
The small flicker of hope inside me burns bright
He holds me
And washes away my fears
A thousand fireflies illuminate the seemingly endless night behind my eyes
Warming me
Guiding me towards eternity.
May 2015 · 331
5:17
Emoni Jenkins May 2015
It was
And then it wasn't.

And when it was
It was everything.

Nothing else could be because it was

And when it wasn't
It was nothing.

And now I struggle to remember that it ever was.
Apr 2015 · 516
In My Skin
Emoni Jenkins Apr 2015
There are days when I am ashamed of the skin I slink in
This brown body
With scars as red and angry as I was the day they were born
They mock me
Remind me of who I was
Of who I really am
A road map back into insanity.

There are days when I am ashamed of the skin I slink in.
This brown body
With fat hugging hips and thighs tighter than a man ever could
It speaks to me
Reminding me of who I'll never be
Reminding me that they don't make pretty in my size.

There are days when I am ashamed of this skin I slink in
This brown body
A field of land mines
Hidden.
Broken.
Prepared to self destruct at any given moment
And leave nothing but a story behind.
Feb 2015 · 554
5am
Emoni Jenkins Feb 2015
5am
The night does not belong to those in love.
It belongs to those who dared to fall in love and found that there was no-one there to catch them.
The night does not belong to the dreamers.
It belongs to those who have nightmares waiting for them long after they are awake.
The night does not belong to the contented.
It belongs to those troubled souls who carry the burdens of this world on their backs.
The night belongs to the haunted.
It belongs to the lonely.
It belongs to those too busy fighting to even think about rest.
You can keep your sunshine.
Me and mine come alive in the night.
Feb 2015 · 452
Dear Ru
Emoni Jenkins Feb 2015
He runs.
His tired hands
Trembling hands
Hold each other to ward off the loneliness that follows him.
He's taught his heart not to love for fear of cutting his lover with the broken pieces that the reaper left behind.
He smiles
But there's a sadness in his eyes
Masochistic love affair with a needle and a pipe.
Fine lines and scarred skin
A never ending map for all the places he's been.
This boy is an artist
He dips his pen in the blood of fallen men
Each word he writes the rebirth of a generation
His lips make love to rhymes and give birth to revolution.
Haunted by the ghosts of the mistakes he's made
Soul heavy burden
He never stays
Once the pain is too great
He runs.
His tired hands
Trembling hands
Find peace within each other.
He's not lost
The space between yesterday and tomorrow
Between what was and what could be
That is where he has made his home.
That is where you'll find him.
Not all who wander are lost
Jan 2015 · 337
Wilting Roses
Emoni Jenkins Jan 2015
Sometimes I feel like wilting roses
Not as colorful as I should be
Not as beautiful as I could be
Constantly losing pieces of myself
Waiting to be forgotten
Remembering that I was once the thing that made you smile
Dec 2014 · 195
Untitled
Emoni Jenkins Dec 2014
I find myself haunted by the ghosts of people that refuse to die.
Dec 2014 · 540
The Seven Layers of Hell
Emoni Jenkins Dec 2014
In this room
Everyone that has ever rejected me
And their new girlfriends.

In this room
Every mirror is a magnifying glass
Illuminating every insecurity.

In this room
I'm five minutes too late to say goodbye.

In this room
Everyone is watching what you did to me
No one tries to stop you.

In this room
Every lie I've ever told is written on the walls.

In this room
It is quiet, dark, and I am alone.

In this room
The baby I never had
Is crying.
Oct 2014 · 10.1k
Heroin
Emoni Jenkins Oct 2014
I can hear her
Her mesmerizing melodies calling me
Tempting me
I sway to her music
Fill my veins with her voice
And we are one again.

She covers me like a blanket
I can feel the warmth of her love
In my secret places
Its dark inside
And I'm afraid
But she is with me
Holding me
And I am safe.

When she leaves
My soul aches for her embrace
I hunger for her touch
I want to disappear
To leave her as she left me
But her lethal love injections
Are all that I know
And I am weak
And I can hear her
Her mesmerizing melodies calling me
Tempting me
I sway to her music
Fill my veins with her voice
And we are one again.

My lover wants me dead
But I have given her my heart
Sealed our love with a kiss
Till death do us part.
I just picked up nine months sober and that chip is weighing heavy in my pocket.
Sep 2014 · 238
Untitled
Emoni Jenkins Sep 2014
Come with me

In this moment
In this space
Only we exist
Two souls staring into the face of eternity

And together

Hold me like a prayer
Whisper me alive
For I am yours to love
And you are mine.

We will rewrite our destinies
Aug 2014 · 480
Make Me a Rainbow
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2014
Color me blue
And I will swallow the saltiest sea
Fill my lungs with the cleansing waves
Say goodbye to yesterday
And to tomorrow
Color me red
And I will slit my wrists
Watch crimson rivers run from my flesh
Until there is nothing left
Say goodbye to what was
And what could have been
Color me black
And I will pull the leather tight around my throat
Allow life to escape through my lips
Say goodbye to those noticed
And to those who didn't
Color me white
And I will take a pill for everyone I hurt
Fade into a dream
Become a distant memory
Say goodbye to myself
And finally
Let go.
Aug 2014 · 536
Almost Lover
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2014
I miss the smell of your skin
The thoughts of forever
The warmth of your cheek against mine
As you held me
And made me safe
I miss your arms around my waist
I found shelter in them
The taste of your lips
An unspoken promise
I miss the symphony of butterflies that burned inside when you spoke my name
The way your fingertips intertwined with my mine
The emotional intimacy
I miss the way you saw me
Not for who I was
But for who I could be
I miss loving you with the lights on
Showing you my secret scars
I miss the sweet serenity that lives inside of you
How you could calm the raging seas of my heart
And bring me peace
I miss the possibility of eternity

I wonder if you think of me
Do you remember me fondly?

I sleep wrapped in memories of you
And weep silently  
The loss
Not of what was
But of what could have been
And I allow myself to miss you.

I miss the possibility of eternity.
Aug 2014 · 266
The Waiting Game
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2014
I press send
And for a moment I pretend that you will notice me.
And that you'll care enough to respond.
But I think I'm lying to myself.
And I think it's time to stop watching my phone.
Waiting for a response that'll never come.
Waiting for a call that will never come
Aug 2014 · 423
Dear Ex Lover
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2014
Today
I almost allowed myself to miss you.
And then I remembered who you were.
Aug 2014 · 472
In your sheets
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2014
I want to lose myself in the midst of your uninhibited ****** bliss
Kiss, nibble, and lick every inch
Baby I want to be a member of team **** up your sheets
Attack me like a tiger in heat
I want to taste the passion and lust on your lips
Feel your electric finger tips dip into the hills and valleys of my body
I want to be unapologetically naughty and close my eyes
While you get drunk on the wine coming from between my thighs
I want all that makes you a man inside of me
Pushing me towards my peak
While I scream your name to the heavens
Harder. Faster. Don't stop.
Until we reach that climatic peak that we have both been looking for
And when we're done
I want to lay silently next to you
Panting. Sweating. Satisfied.
And when I leave
I want the scent of feverish love making
All over your sheets
An inhibition free night
A memory.
Jul 2014 · 217
Untitled
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
The end comes slowly
Time moves in reverse
The helpless become helpless again
The dust from which we were taken reclaims our bodies
And we cease to exist
The only thing we leave behind are those we touched
And if you're anything like me
You will leave nothing
Which begs the question
If one remembers you when you're gone
Were you ever really here?
Jul 2014 · 288
Eulogy
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
She died as she lived
Hating herself for what she wasn't
And resenting others for what they could be
With a look of envy and despair permanently carved on her face.
Jul 2014 · 331
You
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
You
You are the warm summer air
After a long day of rain
You are the breeze that carries the secrets whispered to dandelions far beyond reach
You are the sad romance of sunset
And the twilight dreams of shooting stars
You are the re genesis promised at dawn
You are the roots of a willow tree
And the promise of an evergreen
You are the hypnotic calm before the storm
You are the oasis in the stormy sea
And you are the stormy sea
You are the passion with with lightning makes love to the sky
And the rage with which thunder shakes the ground
You are a rose with razor edged thorns
Beautiful from a distance
You are the complicated chaos of the constellations
No one can explain it
But somehow it works
You are the butterfly with the broken wing
And finally you are the firefly
The guiding light
Pointing the way home.
Jul 2014 · 263
By The Sea
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
Under the grayest of skies
On the sandiest of shores
With the saltiest of seas
Did we lay.

Hand in hand
Heart to heart
Soul to soul
Nothing separating us but fear.

Let the birds of the sky
Or the fish of the ocean
Bear witness to what would be,
Two bodies becoming one
In a castle by the sea.

No place forbidden
No scar unseen
My only desire, to love
And be loved
By he.

When the sun set
The tide came in
And my love was swept into the sea.

And there was no soul
In all of forever
Quite as lonely as me.

Alone by the sea
In our kingdom by the sea.
Feeling kinda like Edgar Allen Poe today...
Jul 2014 · 367
The Sun Also Rises
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
They say that the sun also rises
And that it's always darkest before dawn
They say that time heals all wounds
And that tears dry on their own
They say that the pain is only temporary
And that you should keep pushing through
They say that the storm is almost over
And that you only get rainbows after rain
They say that this life is worth living
That you should just give it one more chance
That say that your heart won't always hurt
And that you will find someone new
They say that you won't always feel broken inside
And that you'll get your chance at happiness too
They say to pray and keep the faith
Dear God I hope they're right
For if they are then there is hope
That we will be alright.
Jul 2014 · 337
Edge of forever
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
I run to the place
Where soul meets body
An inchoation
Of something new
Dance on the edge of eternity
Sleep among droplets of morning dew

Turn your eyes towards the sun
Graze briefly upon the face of God
Find the calm in the chaos of the constellation
There is no yesterday
Or tomorrow
There is only now

I jumped of the edge of the world
With nothing but faith to catch me
And fell in love with the idea
That I'd be falling forever

Into the nothingness
Deeper and darker than the saltiest sea
Where time and space are a myth
And true freedom exists
That's where you'll find me
At the bottom of the sea
At the bottom of the sea
Jul 2014 · 1.2k
Death or Deterioration
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
Death or deterioration
Which is more painful to see?
To watch a candle melt away
Into a puddle of itself
Or to wake up one day and the flame be gone.

Death or deterioration
Which is more painful to see?
To know the storm is coming
And live in endless cloudy days
Or to wake up during a flood that washed your loved one away.

Death or deterioration
Which is more painful to see?
To know the Reaper is coming
And live in constant fear
Or to wake to the smell of sulfur that let's you know he's been there.

Death or deterioration
I don't know which I'd choose
Because no matter which fight you fight
In the end you're still gonna lose.
Just a few words about living with a terminal parent.
Inspired by a quote from my friend Alexandra Shaw
Jul 2014 · 410
Beautiful Disaster
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
If I traveled the mysterious labyrinth that is your mind,
Would I find your truth?
The secrets that you try to hide
The pain that makes you, you.
Would the world look so different
If I saw it through your ocean blues?
Would the path be less rocky
If I walked it in your shoes?
This wall you've built around you
Has stones that are made of mirrors.
There are cracks along the surface
And fingerprints on the glass.
There's a loneliness in your laughter
But your brave enough to smile.
And though you've seen plenty of storms
You see the sun behind the clouds.
There is strength in you stride
Even when problems weigh you down.
And though you've been hurt
You put your heart out there every once in awhile.
I may only have grazed the surface
But I know this much is true
There are a million tiny pieces
That make up broken beautiful you.
To David. i know that I barley scratched your surface, but this is what I've learned thus far
Jul 2014 · 313
Sometimes Lover
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
When he's done with me
He leaves
I'm left empty
And hollow
My life left astray
I can always make him ***
But I can never make him stay
Jul 2014 · 5.8k
PTSD
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
These days
Dreams and hell
Look the same to me
So I don't sleep

Most days
I can't get the taste of him
Out of my mouth
So I don't eat

Some days
I can't remember
How to say no
So I don't speak

But I'm tired
And I'm hungry
And I'm starting to forget the sound of my voice
Jul 2014 · 556
Footprints
Emoni Jenkins Jul 2014
We walk along the edge of the sea
The sands of time beneath our feet
The stars above make love to the sky
The moon above, our guiding light
Your gentle touch, washes me clean
We dance with the wind, cry with the rain
Your love wraps around me, makes me whole again
Your melodic voice, silences my fears
The tide comes in, the time has come
We walk hand in hand, towards eternity
When the people come looking, all they will see
Are footprints in sand
A memory
Jun 2014 · 542
Poor Thing
Emoni Jenkins Jun 2014
When it happens to other people
You say "How sad."
You say "Poor thing"
But when it happens to you
When you're alone in the dark
When there is nothing louder than the beat of your heart
****** thighs bearing witness
To your entrance to hell
Body discarded
Eyes dim and black
Walls closing in on this brutal attack
Minutes passing like hours
That night on repeat
So afraid of the nightmares that you never sleep
Water burning your skin
Trying to erase his touch
No where to turn
Trapped inside your own head
No where to run
You are already dead
When they find your body
The crows will quietly sing
They'll sing "How sad."
They'll sing "Poor thing"
Inspired by a piece I heard on Degrassi
Jun 2014 · 242
Saving You
Emoni Jenkins Jun 2014
If I could
I would tie your feet to a star
And send you off to the moon
Let you gaze upon the face of God
I'd trade my soul for you

And if I could
I'd build you a boat
And send you floating down a dream
And I would cry
As you went by
But you'd be safe
But you'd be safe

If I could
I'd take your heart
And put it on a shelf
It would know no pain
Never be broken
I'd protect it with my life

Sometimes at night
I come to your side
And watch you while you sleep
And pray that you would never wake
For at least in death you'd know peace
Jun 2014 · 277
Oceans
Emoni Jenkins Jun 2014
There was once a little girl
Lost
Left alone in the world
Swept away in the tides of life
She sank
To the bottom of the saltiest sea
Kissing forever with the soles of her feet
She was not afraid
But at peace
For cradled in the arms of eternity
She found herself
And knew where she had to begin
She learned what so few of us learn
That the only way out is within
Apr 2014 · 756
Growing Pains
Emoni Jenkins Apr 2014
"When I was a child, I thought like a child, I talked like a child, I reasoned like a child. Now that I am a man, I must put my childish ways behind me."*

I do believe that I have entered into the Twilight Zone
I woke up this morning and all of a sudden people were expecting me to do things for myself
When the hell did mom stop making my doctors appointments for me?
What the hell is this "get a job" nonsense
And why does everyone keep telling me "Welcome to adulthood"?
Like its some awesome place with candy and nonstop Spongebob
When did Saturday become "laundry day"
Where are my cartoons?
Since when did gas prices become more important the cost of Harry Potter books?
What the hell are these silverish hairs starting to pop up all over my head?
And HOW THE **** DO YOU FILE TAXES?
I did not agree to this.
I miss the days of nonstop sunshine kissing my cheeks as I biked down the lanes of Candy Land
When did farts become rude and not funny?
Where is my PB and J with the crusts cut off?
Shouldn't there be a class on how to become a grown up?
I feel like I was thrown into the deep end and expected to know how to swim
I can barely doggy paddle
Is this some sick joke?
I don't wanna grow up, I wanna be a **** toys-R-us kid
I WANT MY MOMMY
Apr 2014 · 574
Broken Beautiful
Emoni Jenkins Apr 2014
She sits
The need to be seen
To be touched
To be reminded that she still exists
Eats at her
Her body is a broken mess of  sharp edges
Eyes thickly lined in black
Stomach drawn in
Lips painted the color of ***
Hoping her foundation will cover her sin
And she wonders
Could anyone find this tragedy beautiful?

I am she
The girl with the scarred skin
Could anyone find this body beautiful?
Playing Russian roulette with death
I am easy to forget
Body used as currency
I pay for a moment of their affection
Their touch burns my skin
But I'm a glutton for pain so I let them in
And I hate myself for this
But I really only know how to exist when I am wanted

She sits
Eyes cast downward
Lest someone see the truth that lie behind them
See the fear
And the shame
The need to be held
To be loved
To be somebody's somebody
Eats at her
And she is broken
And sad
And lonely

I am she
Mar 2014 · 299
Somebody to Love
Emoni Jenkins Mar 2014
I want to be somebody's somebody
To love and be loved
To trace the lines of my somebody's hand as their fingers intertwine with mine
I want to be somebody's forever
Not just somebody's for now
I want to kiss my somebody's lips
And taste eternity on their breath
I want to give myself to somebody
And know that I'll be safe
To receive my somebody's heart
And keep it in my secret place
For my eyes only
Is my somebody out there?
Does my somebody exist?
Or like love itself
Is my somebody a myth?
Dec 2013 · 719
Her
Emoni Jenkins Dec 2013
Her
To the brown skin girl with the milk and honey thighs
With the rips in her tights
And the fear in her eyes
With the low cut top
With the push up bra
And the bruised neck
With the tired arms
With the short skirt
With the five inch heels
And the pills in her drink
Too tired to think
Too scared to sleep
She was a victim of her own beauty

Because in his eyes
She was a slave
And he slave master
And one way or another she would bow before him
He dissected her with his eyes
Cutting away her say in the matter
She was his
Or so he was taught
Just a man being a man
The vicious cycle starts over again
A short piece about **** culture in America.
Nov 2013 · 920
Star Crossed
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
The night we met
Was a part of fate's design
And the stars shone morse code in the sky
A message for our hearts only
When you got close I breathed in all of your delicate intricacies'
And though it pains me
I hold on to that breath
Refusing to let one part of you escape from my lips
You are my best kept secret

Run away with me love
Stuff your bag with your hopes and dreams
And leave fear and regret behind you
Run to the ocean
Where we will play like children
Let the salty sea
Wash your soul clean
Of any doubt
Because we
Were always meant to become us
Run to the mountains
Where we will grow old together
Taking our time till there is none left
Let the whispering wind
In the hollows of the trees
Carry our insecurities
Far beyond our reach


I want to lie naked and exposed holding you
While through tears you tell me about the struggles you've had in life
And how you don't know if you could love someone enough
To be somebody's wife
Let me heal those secret scars
And love you back to life

The night we met
Was part of fate's design
A prayer answered
A love divine.
Nov 2013 · 713
The Observer
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
She sits
Eyes glued open
And lips sewn shut
A painted on smile
It'll last for awhile
Waiting and watching
Waiting and watching

She has not time for life
No desire for earthly things
Pulled through by her master
A doll on puppet strings

Her existence is almost meaningless
She's a wallflower of sorts
Always seeing
But never speaking
No one's ever heard her voice
She smiles and waves politely
Pretending she's a mime
Never guessing that her audience was potentially blind

When she left she took us with her
Every soul she never touched
Every passer by
Averted eye
That saw she had no choice

In the end all she wanted
Was a chance to be free
And chance to feel
A chance to dance
A chance to be seen
To the porcelain doll on puppet strings
I see you
I hear you
You have made a friend in me
So clip your strings
Close your eyes
And dance.
Nov 2013 · 1.4k
Addict
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
The first time I shot dope
My mind bended
Transcended
This ******* existence
I rose out of my skin
And took a good look in side of myself
I elevated
I saw everything at once
Evaporated
And allowed myself to become nothingness

The first time snorted speed
I watched my entire life flash before my eyes
And got bored
I felt the vibrations and manipulations of every neurotransmitter in my brain
Went literally insane
Chasing rain drops
Off of roof tops
Because I believed I could fly
Or at least that somebody would catch me

The first time I smoked ****
I got so lost in my own metaphysical thought
That they had to send someone in after me
My sticky fingers cradling a bowl like an infant
As my cotton lined tongue spewed insightful nonsense about homelessness
And they laughed at me
Didn't they know I was changing the world?

The first time I drank
The warmth of whiskey cover my body like a blanket
I felt safe in his arms
And for the first time I could be someone other than myself
Many keys can open the gateway to hell

For years
These friends of mine beat my body black and blue
And I would crawl to them
****** and bruised
Begging for more
And to this day
I still miss them
I hear them calling to me
Pulling me back into their game
And a part of me
Still wants to play
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
We are the jagged jigsaw puzzles with the missing pieces
The Barbie dolls that can only see themselves in fun house mirrors
The G.I Joes that only want to wear pink
The puppets that pull against their strings
The dream houses in the ghetto
We are the paper air planes that struggle to fly straight
The deck of cards with the pycho 8s
We are the toys in the box that everybody hates
We slip through the cracks in the careless fingers of young boys and girls
We are the gifts at Christmas that did not make the list
We are the birthday rejects
The easy to forget
The clutter underneath your bed
We are veterans of every garage sale, donation pile, and trash bin
For all you want is to be rid of us
So we'll go
We'll run away to candy land and snort pixie sticks looking for a sugar high
We'll stop comparing ourselves to other toys
We'll laugh with each other
And for the first time in our lives
We'll play.
If you think this piece is about toys, read between the metaphors.
Nov 2013 · 585
Ask Me No Questions
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
I love you
But I'm going to need you to stop asking me why I'm afraid of basements
Why I shy away from your touch
Why I scream in my sleep at night
Why I'm afraid of loving you too much
I can't tell you why I'm 19 and still afraid of the dark
Or why I'm afraid to sleep
Or why I never tell you about the secrets that I keep
I don't want to lie to you
But baby there are some things you'll never know
There are some burdens that I carry that I'm too afraid to  show
There are some places down inside me that your eyes will never see
There are some people in this world that have taken the best of me
I don't want to lose you
But baby I know you can't handle the truth
You see my scars as beautiful
I look at them as proof
The story of my childhood is craved into my skin
But I can't tell you how this particular book will end
Ask me no questions
And I'll tell you no lies
You cant never know that reasons that my heart is locked inside
Please just take me as I am
With my missing pieces and all
Please don't be like him
Be there to catch me when I fall
And above all else
Please
Stop asking me why I'm afraid of basements.
Nov 2013 · 720
Every Once in Awhile
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
Sometimes I feel that depression is a terminal disease
And eventually I will die of a broken heart.
I feel that sunshine will only kiss my body as it lay cold
And that I will only see the beauty in daisies when I am pushing them up

Sometimes I feel that something in me is broken
Some secret unspoken
Something is a little off
Not right
And I've grown exhausted of the fight
To be normal
To blend
When asked as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up
I always said
I want to be okay

Sometimes I want the pain to end
But it's become my only friend
She covers me
Reminding me
That relief is only one swift flick of a blade across my wrists away
Once,  I almost listened to her

Sometimes I know I'm not okay
I stopped hiding the scars because I wanted you to see me
To save me
To hold me close and not let me go
Because if you did I'd slip into the black hole
That I've labeled my soul
And get lost in there

Sometimes I get scared
Sometimes I cry
And sometimes I just exist
And let myself feel
And hope things will get better
Because sometimes
That's all I have to hold on to.
Nov 2013 · 845
Crush
Emoni Jenkins Nov 2013
To the cutie that helped my heart mend
              I hoped we'd be together in the end
                         To hold me at night
                                   And kiss me at mornings first light
                                              But as it would be you're in love with my best friend
My first go at a limerick
Oct 2013 · 357
Lullaby
Emoni Jenkins Oct 2013
Sing me to sleep
Oh dreamer of dreams
Make love to me sandman
And take me away
Show me the places where my desires reside
Show me the secrets I keep locked inside
Show me the truth
I have no time for lies
There are only a few hours that make up the night
So sing me to sleep
Sing me to sleep
Please let me rest.
Oct 2013 · 405
Us
Emoni Jenkins Oct 2013
Us
It started with a glance
A chance romance
The stars aligned
My heart beat in my chest for the very first time
I heard the music of nature
Danced to the chorus of life
And in that moment I came alive

It started with a touch
Wondering if my hand in yours was a step too much
The mixing of fingerprints blurred the lines
Who we were before didn't matter
You washed me clean like the tide
You held my heart and my secrets
Gave me a safe place to hide
I was yours
And you were mine
And that was enough for us

It started with a kiss
Your electric lips grazed the side of my neck
Journeyed down body
A trip I'll never forget
You lingered on the places that I tried to hide
And told me my scars were beautiful
And for a moment
I believed you.

It ended with a glance
With a lost romance
The wind no longer sang when we were together
The breeze carried our love away

It ended with touch
There was no warmth in your hands
No hope in your palms
So you let me go

It ended with a kiss
With a hug
With one last look at what was
It ended with me
Learning how to go on
Without us.
Oct 2013 · 1.4k
Faceless Prostitute
Emoni Jenkins Oct 2013
The click clack echoes of cheap stilettos on cracked pavement let you know she's near
There is no fear in her eyes
Lined thick and black as the night sky
For she is the goddess of these blocks
And men would sacrifice their blood and sweat wages to worship in her temple

She is a walking master piece
Crafted in the shaky hands of abandonment and abuse
It took nineteen long years to create a soul so dark you could get lost just staring into it
And she's been trying to find her way back to herself for years

She is a walking tragedy
Of Shakespearian proportions
Her love stories are not so romantic and clean
They usually take place in some stranger's back seat
After some hastily exchanged words
Some stranger's rough cheek
Pressed harshly against hers
And from the outside it could almost be called love
Two people finding themselves in the arms of another
But still being completely alone in the world

This is her existence
Moonlit rendezvous
Short skirts and fishnets with holes up the sides
She's just someone to call during the lonely nights
And as they spread her thighs
They don't realize that they're filling her and killing her at the same time
She sells her body and her pride on these streets just to survive
No one knows of the little girl that hides inside that cries inside
That begs you with her eyes to save her from herself
Save her from these streets
Kiss her on the cheek and let her ride in the front seat
She doesn't care where you are going
As long as its away from here
Where ever you and she stop will be called home
And she will finally be allowed to rest.
Sep 2013 · 1.7k
Mania
Emoni Jenkins Sep 2013
The vibration
The pacing
The loving
The hating
The spending
Never ending
The thoughts they keep racing
The drinking
The drugging
The 5am clubbing
The meaningless sexing
The endless regretting
The lying
The cheating
The I hate this feeling
The panic
No sleeping
Anxiety streaming
The shaking
The fright
The continuous night
The struggle with words
I just want to be heard
The thoughts they're racing
The thoughts they're racing
The thoughts they're racing
Paranoia
Hallucinations
It's been weeks since I've slept
The walls seem to be screaming from the secrets they've kept
I'm over the edge
I've lost all control
This madness is driving me off of the road
But maybe down there I'll find some peace
All I really wanted
Was to go to sleep
Aug 2013 · 862
Amber Alert
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2013
I've lost my voice
Have you seen it?
My mother said it was like sunshine dipped in liquid honey
But that may just be her memory paying tricks on her
Maybe it was stolen
By the man who took my cries for help
And locked them between my teeth
Or maybe I've  just forgotten where to look

I've lost my laugh
Have you seen it?
My mother said it was like the birds that chirped to wake the morning sun
It still echoes off of the empty walls of my heart
Like a memory of the fluid happiness that once flowed from my lips
I miss it sometimes

I've lost my smile
Have you seen it?
My mother said it was like a rainbow
Each imperfection a different color blending to make something truly beautiful
Maybe it's hiding behind the thick clouds that weigh heavy all around me
Maybe it got tired of waiting for the weather to change

I've lost my hope
Have you seen it?
My mother said it gravity
Keeping me connected to the earth and moving forward
Maybe it married my sanity and they ran off together
I haven't seen her in awhile either

I've lost myself
Have you seen me?
It's been awhile and I really think we need to talk
I'm starting to forget who she is

I've lost my voice
Have you seen it?
My mother said it was like the sun dipped in liquid gold
But that may just be her memory playing tricks on her again.

But maybe I've just forgotten where to look.
pay attention to the first and last verses.
Aug 2013 · 614
Voices
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2013
There these voices in my head
Saying they wish I was dead
Someone please
Help me

They exploit my hurt and fear
Whispering lies
They fill my ears
Someone please
Help me

They get louder in my dreams
Louder everyday it seems
I don't sleep
They don't stop
I'm on the edge
Because of these voices in my head

The voices they just scream and shout
Only this gun with get them out
I'm done living in perpetual fear
This ends right now
This ends right here

There were these voices in my head
They said that they wish I was dead
The voices are silent
They're not even in sight
I'll start my permanent nap tonight.
Aug 2013 · 463
Ghost Stories
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2013
I murdered my darkest secrets
Slit the throats of my worst memories
And buried them all next to the skeletons that used to reside in my closet
They hitched a ride to earth on the backs of my demons
And  now spend their nights haunting my nightmares
They're here
They're here
They're here
To stay
Oh how I wish they'd go away
Aug 2013 · 1.6k
Lithium
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2013
Pop a pill
Swallow it down
No more smiles
No more frowns
You can't feel
Through the fog
A drug induced haze
A medical cloud
A hollow version
Of who you used to be
Hallucinations
Become memories
But what price
Are we willing to pay
For society to label us
"Normal" one day?
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2013
You don't want me as I am
But as you see me
I paint my face in layers of rejection
Hoping you'll accept my modified reflection
But I know you won't
I squeeze the least favorite parts of me into your favorite jeans
Hoping that you'll notice me
But I know you won't
I want you to want me
So I'll peel the skin off my body
Replace it with something shiny and new
I'm sure if I look more like a porcelain doll
I'll be more beautiful to you
I need you to need me
So I'll dye and straighten my hair
I'm sure if I copied Barbie's look
You'd take a second to care
About me
Maybe even enough to call me beautiful.
Notice me
Inject your overwhelming love into my veins
I want to get high on your affection
Suffocate me
Drown me in the tears you cry every time we are apart
And in my last moments I'll know that I'm the only girl that has your heart
Take my body
Fill me with that aching part of your body that needs to be served
Two slippery orifices
See
I am good for something
Just tell me what you want
Who you want me to be
And I'll be her
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
And I won't take no
For an answer.
Aug 2013 · 442
She
Emoni Jenkins Aug 2013
She
I'm not here
I feel nothing
I am nothing

she sits in the darkest corner of her room
razor in one hand
note in the other
"tonight." she promises herself

I'm not here
I feel nothing
I am nothing

she could feel the reaper's cold breath on the back of her neck
his scythe dripping with her final confession
she could feel herself slipping
she welcomed the peace that lie in the dark

I'm not here
I feel nothing
I am nothing

she now lives in the blood stained memories of that room
the tears she cried fall from the sky like an old testament flood
condemning us all
when silence weighs heavy in the air
you can hear me scream
but its too late
I am gone

I'm not here
I feel nothing
I am nothing
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