"Love don't live here anymore", she said twisting one silver ring. The echo of its body presented on the left ring finger the white line indented in flesh. "He left the lights on though. Smiling his tight lipped grin and tilted his hat. Like a man just visiting for the weekend. Some old time gentleman having done his work, the gratuitous clicking of fine shoes on tiled floors." Flicking her curled hair away from the base of her neck smiling a little herself a small sarcastic smile. "Something my grandmother would have witnessed. Pictured in muted color reeling like the screen of some washed out film. Black dots appearing on the back of his white suit pants as he pulled open the door the sway of his shouldered jacket swishing rhythmic in walk." " You should have seen it" she said "suave and dashing the clean dramatic expression and cool collected response." Chuckling to herself she looked at me her blue eyes angered and raw. "Its a pity that love doesn't leave that way. Clicking blue sway shoes grinning Cheshire smiles." Huffing she wrapped her arms around gathered knees, "Yeah, love don't live here anymore and he didn't leave in style."

I want to be a little girl forever
For surely I would never have to grow old
Never have to face ridicule in silence
I could pull hair and shout mean words
"Well your ugly, and don't smell nice either!"
Or, "I didn't want to play anyway your a cheater"
I could whine and everyone would find me adorable
I could cry without guilt
and Love without heartbreak
Because to a little girl every man could be a hero

I could paint my nails nine colors,
And ask for cookies at breakfast
Wear my pajamas to school
and leave bread crumbs on T-shirts

Being a little girl would be lovely
Getting carried from place to place
Falling asleep wherever I pleased

No more hiding
No more endless rules
For we all know to a little girl rules are for fools
I would be rotten and I could be spoiled
But come morning no one could love me more.

While selfish and at sometimes cruel
Little girls are sweet at heart and genuine too!
I could indulge my habits and play pretend
Instead of go to work and have people that depend
On my steady hands or achey feet

No more bills!
No more lies!
I could build sand castles and pretend to fly
There would be space adventures and tons of books to read!
Yes to be a little girl again would be rather neat.

Is this real life?
Or is it just fantasy?
Caught in a web of delusion
No escape from reality
Where I open my eyes and all I see
Is the endless movement of shuffling feet
Struggling to keep my head above the debt of necessity
Blinking away seconds in a haze
I look at the world
And Question
Is there something better waiting out there for me.
Or is this all there really is

Early morning light bleeds red into closed eyes
Waking abruptly reaching tired hands across cold sheets
Finding nothing
But the stuffed sides of teddied fur
No warmth
Or early laughter
No I love yous between kisses
The creaking of stiff limbs locked tight around shoulders
Hips and chest
The urgency of sweat and sweetness of passion
Echoing lonely thoughts
I welcome sleep again
Hoping to find you

They call me crazy and call me blind
For letting you wash back over me
When you have been one person for so long
Its hard to realize what life is like without them
And without you I was more miserable than I had ever been

Dumped like heaping garbage
Stinking up the beauty of the everyday
My love rotted
and with it so did my mind.

Instead of floating I sank
Degraded so far into myself that I discovered the depth of your infection
And how unhealthy it was
How much of the self I valued was fed into maintaining everything

And just when I begun to **** out the invasion
There you stood
On shaking knees on the rim of my secret garden
This ravaged heart in bloom
I dropped my trowel
Skirted the chasm of wilted wonder
And looked at you for all that you were
Those brown eyes screamed and strong arms shook
With that one look I knew you understood

I have learned that I cannot make you the center of my gravity
Like a balloon tethered fragile to the whim of reality
I can no long depend on you for my vitality

But nor can I pull the creaking fingers of desperation from the pleated
Wrinkled splendor that was once white
I had tried and the trying nearly broke me
Wrecked me more assuredly than
If you would have come clean

I had painted you beautiful more beautiful than what my eyes could read
In the end you left me
The murmuring deceitful voices of change where right.
Withdrawn as you were and as wonderful as she sounded
I should have known
But I thought you better than that
Love was the shield I hid behind

But even it could not protected me
From the sound of you succumbing to the charms of another
Falling into the web of pity
and taking that lonely sickness
And letting it infect your judgment.

Cracking thunder fills shallow walls
Rattling the windows
Echoing in the din
Rain slapping mirrors
Reflecting my mindset

This rain cloud having followed me
From school, to bed, etc..
Always clamoring
Shouting out
Echoing the screaming helplessness
Stretching and swelling
Between ears
Popping the fragile control

Collapsing
Cut strings
Knees hinging
Falter mid-step

Sorrow having swallowed
Whats left.