The thrumming clunk of shocked wheels
Eat up road worn smooth by big junking beasts
Smoking up crisp air
Hungry for a taste of stunted freedom
The rush of wind the pained panels
Pulling a mass of curls with sticky cold fingers
Raking across my scalp

Shaking in the silence
In wake of thought
The bass drum barking out a numbing melody
Sliding like thin blade into the back of my mind
Enhancing melodramatic mood
Touching my tender heart

Fresh from the lash of lonely
Bludgeoned by the deadpan distance between
My soul
Snack sized bit of flesh clinging to the slick walls  
Of reason
Hammering in my chest
Still riddled with the mark of your claiming
The imprint of my nails still bleeding
In refusal

But claim it you did
Snatched it up out of my chest
Trailing arteries and the copper stench of blood
Empty cavity
Filling up with dreams and the sweet taste of your breath
Leeching into my limbs and whispering love into my being

But this road is ceaseless
No matter how many times I visit
That long stretch of highway
Promising me  the Spector of your memory
The ghost of your touch
Warmth of love
Acceptance
Renewal of my existence

The green glint of freeway sign
Showing me where I would have found you
Down that dirt road
Swing hair pin turns hearing your laughter as it chases me closer to where you should be
Were you will always belong
Where I could have found you had life been kind

Your savage dissection of my soul keeps me yearning
Reaching out and grasping my independence hostage
Where you have become a necessity to whom I am
What I am
And who I will be
Hinges on your well being

Fading into nothing
Where I am defined by you
My angularity is tethered down
But the road yields no answer
Only the Spector
The sad shadow of memories that refuse to fade
Die instead of rotting
At least with death it can be buried
Living with the death of my heart
A tragedy I would not allow to part

Sometimes I feel it
Just on the edge of thought
Peeking over the tight grip of control
My fist clenching tighter
Hoping to deaden the noise
The doubt
Remorse
To keep a pleasant disposition

Avoiding offending
Trying at all cost to comprehend
To not step on toes
Careful
So careful
Daintily tip towing around reality

Stuffing the self so deep into itself
That reality becomes the cage
Society becomes its antagonist
Feeding it shallow lies and filth
Of a world so full of itself that
It chokes
Out the light of a free spirit
Inside my self I hide
I plot and wonder

Driving myself closer to insanity
Still believing everything is ok.
Shielding my resentment
Festering from within

Feet cracking, bruised concrete making skin peel
Walking on the aching pads of reason
Finding home
Away from thought
No mind, he would call it
Acting without acting
Till the murmur of my disillusionments fade
To nothing

Quiet in the echoing void of my mind
******* away intended function
Allowing bones to cave in on themselves and muscles to stove up
Like dried dates in the summer heat

The night was long
Stretching its fingers out, pulling the hands inplace
So as an hour felt like an eternity
Each breath even longer still
I was exhausted
Walking on fumes
Blown over by a hard wind

But the end was in sight
The welcome red, bolted 1823
Where you rested, with soft bed
And warmth
Waiting to sooth the burn of my body
Final ease
Embraced in comfort only you could bring.

I wait
Hollow eyed stilling time
Hoping to be swept away on what ever dull fog has possessed my soul
Clogged my mind
The dripping tap
Blitzing across the surface of my bursting mind
To full!
  Welling
        SWELLING
Straining the strands of my tentative sanity

Testing the limits of my mind
Maddening the constrains of my heart
Till numb fingers
List to the left
Straddling the median
On late nights
80 miles
and counting

Drifting
Sailing to the sidelines
Until the world drops
And blank eyes
Finally shudder no more
Wipers bridge no more tears
Blipping out of existence
Along with all my fears.

You watch me, with that charming Cheshire smile
Corners crinkling
The dimpled pleasure of intelligent company
Holding my breath
Hearing the richness of your baritoned laughter

I am surprised with the lax
Mannerism of your movement
How the hinges no longer creak
Echoing the stillness
Of your once prone psyche

Like magic
Some fantasy
Of child like wonder I am consumed
Consumed by the elegant freedom
Of your words
As if you had never fallen so far into your self
Lost your  down the rabbit hole
Playing poker with a madman

No you have seen
Madness
And come back whole
An aged man
Monsters both vanquished and not
Lurking
Inside a placid brown

How daintily you conduct your self
A bear
Civilized
Not a hair out of place
Not a twitch
Not a grumble
Or complaint

As if I was porcelain
Something bound to break
You handle me
Like a crumble cake
This old school tender
This utmost gentlemanly grace
This strangeness I now have to face

No turmoil
No storm for me to brace
I fear I am the one out of place

Buzzing
Humming hum-drum noise
This blatant blockage of dribble and sludge
Stupidity at its best
My god man

How do you live
  With that spittle, of garbled words you call sentences
Do your thought really reflect the dirt that flows off your tongue
  Like clay wrapped *****
Regurgitated out of the mouth of a brain dead mute

Seriously!
Are you deft to boot?

Can you not comprehend the English that I speak?
You ill witted simpleton!
God you make me reek

By contending with your ignorance
I stink
The smell of rotting brain matter
The feted meat, calling fly's
Who choke on the sensation of overcooked eggs
And the stench of distilled bile
Thank God I only have to deal with this for a short while.

Or else
Sink,
   Like a rock
Into your bog of bigoted rag
My liberal mind to heavy to float

I lay here, like a fish long dead
Limp, lifeless
Glazed,
Gaping mouth tilted up towards the ceiling
Misted with the dew of sweat
And starting to smell

Fresh out of the pan
The vigor of my youth long
Departed
Regarded not as equal
But cannon fodder

For the masses
Infesting the grease smeared
Hub of hunger

Beta in a sea of sharks
Gilling a slow sluggish
Slop

Thank god, this bed is where I have longed to be all night long.