Violet skies like Elizabeth’s eyes

we are children of midnight

skipping through moondust

the stars, our breadcrumbs

littered behind us, leading us

home

to the constellation’s root

the beating, burning heart of

the sun

I watch the hours pass
so slowly,
time playing tricks on my mind,
each one as uneventful as the last
as nothing happens,
not ever

in this waking sleep,
this corseted grip on time
as darkness descends again
the ever watchful night,

trying to take me into its home
to place me amongst the stars

and God have I wished for that,
to be forever starlight

to be part of the darkness that engulfs me,
instead of overwhelmed by its force

but I dare not take that razor
that smooth, silver blade
itself glistening with light

so for my weakness, I am ****** to an eternal hell
as I watch the hours pass
so slowly, that they barely move at all

we are stardust
scattered across the night
sky

our love as fickle as
midnight

hearts as cold as the
moon

we are all made of
particles

of memory

that can never
reoccur

we still have time

for one more cigarette
over coffee at breakfast

for one more glass of cheap
red wine in the evening

for one more conversation at 4am

for one more kiss at midnight

for one more letter
we’re too afraid to send

we still have time

but the clock is chasing us down
like a reaper

we must be quick
before we don’t have any time

at all

we are children of the moon
but the sun is relentless
and we cannot fight
the light

we quiver under its rays
as we frantically drink moonbeams
trying to reflect the heat
back into the sky

as we anxiously await the night
where we can hide and cool
down our skin

with only the gentle stars as
company

we’d sit smoking
on your grandmother’s porch

drinking cheap whiskey
and counting the stars in the sky

you’d play your guitar
until your fingers bled

trying to convince me
that love was real

but I never believed

not even when each star
had a name

and each string hummed
beneath your fingers

like magic

years later,
I thought of those nights

and how different
my life could have been

if I’d just took a chance
on love

I once tried to love you,
but I have played this game
before, and know well enough
when I’ve lost

walking away would be kinder,
but I’m a glutton for punishment
and getting my heart broken
every day

when I roll over in the morning
and stare into your eyes, and
know you are staring straight
through me

but at least I spent the night
with the moon and stars, and fed
my soul a little, before returning to
this hollow love

Standing on the river bank,
looking down into the murky ripples of time,
ebbing away from me as I stare deeper,
I crunch leaves beneath my feet,
their brown and orange skin separates and sticks to the soles of my shoes,
a surprisingly strong autumn sun warms my face
and my heart,
a rare scene of peace and tranquillity
that soothes my soul
a moment of calm to contrast the
chaos in my mind,
and my spirit lifts into the sky,
at one with the unseen stars

These scars have secrets

that threaten to bleed over

everything that you hold dear

in order to get you to hear

(me)

I have never felt quite as alive

as I do when your handprint covers my heart

containing and calming
its frightened bird beating

to a gentle rhythm of

safe, now

safe

It's that time of year again,

The air is warm,
breathing delicate
wisps of breeze
across my skin

I was cold
inside my heart,
shrank and barely
beating

My head is my own
theatre, frames flashed
and frozen, projecting
every still

I try to put the ghosts
to rest, bury them like
bones in a garden

But they wake up,
like vampires,
when the sun sets

Words catch in
my throat, lungs
take in their fill
of air, but there's
not enough oxygen

To feed my brain.

they ripple through me,
the undead, the broken, the cursed,
their voices strong as steel,
harsh as thunder,
dazzling as lightning

they like to think they are
an unbearable onslaught,
a tsunami,
a storm,

but darling,
I am the storm

there is a sense of longing
a sense that you do not quite fit in

anywhere

that you have no home
no roots

you are wandering in a forest
of indifference

the world hostile faces of
the strangers that you meet

with wild, frightened eyes

yet you do not run

you stand firm
and plant your roots

where you are

starting from scratch

a beautiful mosaic
of chaos

and fire

I've hid the way I felt about you
for too long

my heart burning in my chest
with the embers of feelings
I have burnt

my breath catching in my throat
with the ashes of the words
I can never say

I am a ghost of who I was

pieces of me splintering away
like wood

my arms heavy with embraces
that can never be felt

my eyes clouded over with emotion
that can never be shown

It is not enough to say "I love you"
when my soul is a shadow

hiding what can never be known

midnight murmurs

trees sparkling silver under the moon

the stars are whispering your name

to me

as I lie motionless, miles from sleep

I start to doubt what is, what was

between us

reality or dream?

the night offers no answers

just echoing silence

across the vast universe of
loveless longing

smoking under midnight skies
I build my kingdom out of stars
(in my head)
drinking moonshine until I'm as blind
as if the stars themselves had
blazed into my eyes

all I want is to finish this cigarette
and blow the smoke into the sky,
as the sky blows the solid shape
of my body into stardust

I watched you falling out of love with me

stuck rooted to the sidelines,
unable to reach a hand towards to you

(as if my hand would have changed your mind)

I became unstitched, skin and bones
shaking, failing, decomposing
heart shrivelled up and shrieking

you said, “just let some time pass.”
as if time ever heals anything

I will taste your betrayal, in my mouth,
like blood

I will remember you, behind my eyes,
until the day die

she was born
with starlight in her eyes

but could not see it
until he looked into them

I slip away into dreams
of when we were together

into memories of
your touch upon my skin

scorching as starlight
and just as beautiful

doubting myself,
I walk through the roads of regret

until I reach
your outstretched hand

and know that I have found
my home

in your arms I am infinite

sorrow sees us for who we truly are

our shame, guilt and secrets
can not escape its eyes

we cannot hide

like a burnt leaf falling
from a withered tree
in Autumn

sorrow lays us bare

unafraid to be vulnerable
and timid

it’s lion’s jaw opens in front
of the mouse of

our hearts

and we are consumed, complete
covered and

cocooned

I love you,
without question or condition

I hear you,
like hummingbirds in my heart

I see you,
a lone star in a midnight sky

so bright that all the others simply
vanish into the blanket of the universe,

I feel you
when I’m pressing my fingerprints
into your thighs,

passing my identity onto you
so that we can become one,

one flesh
one star
one heart
one love

I remember late night conversations
with you;

the taste of wine rich on our tongues
gentle orange glow around our fingers from our cigarettes

I miss them more than I miss
your touch upon my skin

more than I miss your
kisses upon my lips

midnight skies the backdrop
to our putting the world to rights

I ache for those early morning hours

they’re so quiet now,
a deathly hush over what used to be
alive with fire and passion

you can keep your caresses, your kisses
just give me one more night of
splitting our hearts open

together

when you wrap your arms
around me

they feel like prison bars

I am confined, tight, to your
body

and there is no way to
break out

there is a heaviness in my chest
as you pull me closer

I am screaming, running around
the bottom of my cage like a

frantic, frightened bird

(must I learn to sing?)

looking in your eyes

is as holy as any religion

and I shall worship at this temple

until the day I die

as poets,
we carved our hearts
out of pencil and
ink,

every drop of feeling
was a metaphor,

every echo of "I love you"
had been written
before,

how on Earth could we
ever learn how to exist
in reality?

for our passions
to become more
than a dance
on a page,

to feel and not knee-
**** into action
over our laptops
at 4am...

but I loved you,
and not for my page
or pen or protagonist,

but for your pencil -
sketched heart

that I dreamt of
filling in red

I do not wish to break a heart -
I wish to destroy one,

to damage one so badly that it will never
beat again,

to bruise one so completely that it will never
look red again,

to snap its veins and arteries until they are
a jumbled bag of nerves,

to kick it at its centre and make it bleed
rivers of hot blood,

I am not cruel, or evil, or even angry,
I merely generously want to share
this ******* feeling

I wonder what we will have
to show for our love
when we die

(Will we even die together?)

a handful of daisies
that are weeds to some
but never to us

we delighted in turning them
into chains, into planting them
amidst my blonde curls

(They will turn grey soon...)

our love letters
kept in a shoebox
tied tight shut
with a red ribbon

(They are for no one else’s eyes.)

maybe all we will have
is that shaking last kiss
as you place the gun on my temple
and pull

and then turn it on
yourself

lying crumpled together
in old age and misery
debt and alcohol
breathes

but together, my love
absolutely, painfully

together

we were bodies on the ground
decomposing into the earth
into the soil where roots are planted
that grow and bloom and blossom
back into life

cracks appear

when I look in the mirror

and see your face

reflected back at me

those ocean blue eyes

and whisper thin smile

it’s as if you’re mocking me

with your beauty

the beauty that left

my heart in

cracks

and maybe one day you will see

that I was standing here all along

waiting

waiting

waiting

time is ticking away from me,
as I sit in my window,
a cigarette idly flicked between my fingers
into an ashtray that is overflowing,

how long have I been here?

the seasons change around me,
the daffodils change to sunflowers,
to crisp red autumn leaves swept
across my neighbour’s porch,

it will be winter soon,

children will build snowmen,
their fingers purple from the biting frost,
kisses chanced beneath mistletoe
and tables groaning under the weight of food,

time has gotten away from me,
it is too late now to chase it,
so I shall sit, and flick my cigarette
sitting stiffly in my window
staring blankly through the glass

I love you with
my whole heart

but my heart is
fractured

and these broken
pieces

don’t make a
whole

I’m walking through a dark forest

trees caging me in
with their branches

it is the forest of my heart

beaten and bruised
until there is nothing left

but a small red *****
that anyone can hold in their hand

and destroy further

branches like bars
and trunks like locks

the forest is unforgiving

but I must walk through it
every night

in order to reach daylight

a million stars could not spell the word

love

with the conviction that I feel it

the shadow of a smile in the dark

the brush of your fingerprints on my spine

and your heart, the hook of home

this thankless skin of yours

echoing like the call
of a thousand crows

under the shadow
of an unforgiving night

I have tried -

to cast a spell over your green,
spark-less eyes

but magic is wasted on you

The whips of time are chasing me

crashing against my back
until my skin splits and bleeds

there is no escaping their advances
torturing me to walk onwards
towards the winter of my life

when I was so settled in the summer, soaking up the sunshine
and loving the feel of my hair blowing
in the warm breeze

onwards
onwards
onwards

the whips of time are beating
out their drums

a chilling song that freezes my blood

my back is pouring, now
as I walk to their beat

and I know I must accept
my own death

before they force it
on me

cosmic birth -
stars aligned
dead flowers that await the Spring

a handful of poppy seeds
scattered - like the ashes
of your dead wife, in her
favourite beauty spot

we are all stardust
and sorrow

holding out for a better
tomorrow

Do not tempt me

with your red wine lips
and ink black hair,

eyes as dark and mysterious as an ocean
with waves that lap and engulf the shore,

well, I am the shore,
consumed by the sea of your heart,

I beg you not to take me in your arms,
for I could plant my roots in the crook
of your neck,

do not speak to me of love,
for I dare not dream, imagine, feel,

with every fibre of hair on my skin,
that you have shamelessly got under,

do not tempt me with promises,
doused in holy water as they may be,

I can not believe them,
I have been betrayed by forevers before

and I will not let a crack appear
in the lens through which I view you,

so just let me take you into
the ripples of my mind,
the circles of my eyes,

every inch of your flesh and hair,

every smell,
every touch,
every note of your voice,

each cigarette you smoked
over morning coffee,

each whiskey you drank
over midnight musings,

let me see you always,
as I see you now