a rib cage is a prison for the heart

it’s intentions of protection
are misguided

caged - like its name - away
from the touch of a human hand,
cold and separated from warmth

so, as with any lonely thing -  
it turns pale, grey, and withers away

until there is nothing left to protect
in the first place

I took your hair
and brushed it into a long plait

thick, strawberry blonde curls
tamed, for a moment

until gravity made them fall
back into my hand, again

I asked you to paint thick black lines
under your eyes

framing a brilliant, deep ocean
of youth

I was painfully aware that my own
were natural

framing a tired, green lake
of misery

I did this

hoping that you wouldn’t realise
I was trying to turn back the clock

by turning you into a shadow of a girl
I met when I was seventeen

and thought I loved,
thought I loved,

until my heart got crushed...

sit

as I drink red wine
from a dusted bottle

stay

as I trace our initials in the sand
with a gnarled brach of an oak tree

taste

the oysters they harvested
in this cool, winter month

(it is November,
so it is safe to eat them...)  

and take me

from the white tipped waves,
down to the black oblivion
of the ocean floor

your Egyptian sheets,
a sail for a ship
that never got to see
a new sunrise

These scars have secrets

that threaten to bleed over

everything that you hold dear

in order to get you to hear

(me)

she walked with dandelion dust
on her shoes

knowing the cost of everything
and the price of

nothing

she was told once,
that they were weeds

that they should be killed off
to allow the grass to grow

but she knew that nothing would grow from death’s kiss

(yes, she knew that, at least...)

My eyes grow heavy as Osmium

as I carry the weight of your words

behind them

as the sunflowers wilted,

I felt a spike pierce my heart,

loaded with regret
and memories

of walking barefoot
through those fields with you,

chasing the sun as it
inevitably ran faster than we could

our feet, grass stained green

the promise of love, in full bloom,

as I turned my face away
from those dying flowers,
into the crook of your neck,

you sighed, whispered

“their seeds shall grow again

next spring,

and our love can
withstand the winter”

if you forget me,

as an animal, wounded by man,
forgets its natural predator

I will not weep, for the ocean
is already swollen with jilted
lovers tears

more so plant my feet, like roots,
where I stand

grow new skin over the injury

and wave my
healed, heart, hand
at the sun

like rolling mountains,
the arch of your spine
takes me on a breathtaking
adventure

to the highest peak
of pleasure and the
lowest valley of
despair

it is a terrain I have
learnt to navigate ,
a landscape I have mapped
with the tips of my fingers

I stand at the summit
elevated and elated,
surveying the land
I know

your eyes
I claim as
my own

the earth is choking to death

and we breathe our last breath

as the smoke consumes our lungs

desperate for one last kiss

amongst the fumes

we stood in the ashes

at the end of all things

silently,
we wrapped our fingers together

exchanging words without speech
a language of love, untranslatable to others

but we understood every note,
every arch and fall

the world around us had disappeared
yet here we were, survivors

withstanding the winter
of the universe

the pit of my stomach
is like the black pit of Hell

they say;
“she eats men like you for breakfast”

but they never say
where they go once they have been

(swallowed)

(un) settling like lava
that has erupted from a volcano of

shame

my belly rounded with regret

I carry the bodies of my enemies,
kicking and screaming, inside me

they will never see daylight,
and I will burn beneath it

curled up in agony,
the price of my insatiable appetite

we’d sit smoking
on your grandmother’s porch

drinking cheap whiskey
and counting the stars in the sky

you’d play your guitar
until your fingers bled

trying to convince me
that love was real

but I never believed

not even when each star
had a name

and each string hummed
beneath your fingers

like magic

years later,
I thought of those nights

and how different
my life could have been

if I’d just took a chance
on love

in the shade of the Autumn trees

we twisted fallen leaves
between our fingers

pulled their veins apart
as if they could bleed

shredded brittle bits
of orange leaf until
there was nothing

nothing

but dust

a love letter written in fire

across a midnight sky

daughters of the moon

hands locked -
the brightest constellation

a secret that only the stars can tell

they whisper to me at night,
the voiceless, Godless ones

electricity shoots through me,
the current ricochets between my spine

dead winter flowers waiting for the Spring,
growing again in the April rain

and when the water hits
this compressed bolt of lightning,

these voices too, shall sing again

forbidden fruit,
a sinful piece
quickly devoured,
the rest, now rotting -
amongst the wasps
and weeds

I was tempted
by your apple slice
- smile
your cold snake eyes
charmed me, in chaos

I knew the root to be bitter
and still took the fall


if I am ever an Eve to your Adam,
then I am the Eve of War,
leaving a trail of blood,
like breadcrumbs

to lead me back to you

finding words

like pulling teeth

can be unbearably painful

but sometimes

they are merely baby teeth

pathing the way

for something new

to grow

this thankless skin of yours

echoing like the call
of a thousand crows

under the shadow
of an unforgiving night

I have tried -

to cast a spell over your green,
spark-less eyes

but magic is wasted on you

midnight murmurs

trees sparkling silver under the moon

the stars are whispering your name

to me

as I lie motionless, miles from sleep

I start to doubt what is, what was

between us

reality or dream?

the night offers no answers

just echoing silence

across the vast universe of
loveless longing

words are growing silent, now

whispers of a long forgotten
“I love you”
now echoing in the chambers
of winter

an icy kiss to say goodbye
and then...

silence

so loud and deafening it drowns
every other sound into the frozen
depths of the

ocean

another black coffee at 2am

willing myself awake
when I can’t sleep

it is in the whisperings
of the stars

that I hear my name,
spoken softly

not in your voice

no, not in your voice

(anymore)

cosmic birth -
stars aligned
dead flowers that await the Spring

a handful of poppy seeds
scattered - like the ashes
of your dead wife, in her
favourite beauty spot

we are all stardust
and sorrow

holding out for a better
tomorrow

the worst
is whirling round
my mind
I hardly dare
take a breath
in case it is
my last
my heart is
beating out of
time
my pulse quickens
with every blackened
thought
what am I now
but a bag of nerves
fraught and fragile
as crystal
I have written
my life to a
stop

My phantom lover appeared to me

whispering words of love and affection

promises of forever
and “we’re in this together”

but the moon fades, his ghostly face

with it

and I’m left alone again

trying to pluck his memory from my dreams like a flower

it is always a pale comparison
a weak imposition

each night he comes,
and fades at daybreak

and my darling,
I know enough to know
that you’re not real

but this feeling

(this ******* feeling)

white hot
burning a hole
straight through my soul

is as real as the sand
is to the Pyramids

and I cannot break free
from this twisted apparition

it is my life, now
my heart belongs
to a dead man

I wonder what we will have
to show for our love
when we die

(Will we even die together?)

a handful of daisies
that are weeds to some
but never to us

we delighted in turning them
into chains, into planting them
amidst my blonde curls

(They will turn grey soon...)

our love letters
kept in a shoebox
tied tight shut
with a red ribbon

(They are for no one else’s eyes.)

maybe all we will have
is that shaking last kiss
as you place the gun on my temple
and pull

and then turn it on
yourself

lying crumpled together
in old age and misery
debt and alcohol
breathes

but together, my love
absolutely, painfully

together

We watched the dead roses
wither with the winter

our hearts turning cold and pale

our fingers locked together

frozen in time

when they find us

they will think we clung on to
each other till the bitter end

not knowing that the end was just

bitter

the electricity of your touch

reverberates
through my spine

shocking my heart into
beating again

a frozen pulse, thawed

you breathed live into
me

when it seemed
an impossible feat

perhaps the poem was deleted

in a frenzy of regret and rage

but words, once written

can never be truly

erased

our lives are in constant
contrast

we live for the moonlight
but melt under the sun

long for the ocean
but drown under the waves

our love is no different

a heart in one hand
taken by another

a lover dreaming
stolen by the morning

we live and love
in a contradiction

confused and erratic
but always

always

searching for moments
of ecstasy in the chaos

my cold heart
keeps on beating

my dark eyes
keep on seeing

my wrecked soul
keeps on growing

like a sunflower
turning like a head

towards the sun

I am
a seed

planted in rotten soil
blooming despite

the poison

we are a stitch

in the fabric

of the universe

held together

by dreams

a breath in the

vast lungs

of time

devoured

overwhelmed

consumed

poisoned

by the air

of our own

insignificance

There is not beauty in everything,
a sunset can be spoiled by snow,

yet there is wonder in the
insignificant raindrop,

that hits my window at 4am,
stirring me from a nightmare

into a reckless daydream

call me anything you like

to justify your lies

words are your weapon

but darling,

the truth is mine

Looking in your eyes
fills me with nothing but regret

this meeting of hearts,
bleeding and bruised

beaten and burnt

love is nothing but a memory, now

tainted by time,
I thought I could twist

that first kiss, that first touch

scattered ashes of passion, now spent
fated tragedy, misspent youth

a spiral of sorrow
that will never see tomorrow

I’m fond of you, he said

in the way that small children
are fond of building castles
out of sand

that will slip through
your fingers at
the slightest touch

I was happy, though
to think that someone
could be “fond” of me

giddy, gleeful, grateful

I would trade my
solid stone walls
to live in a castle
made of sand

with a man
who was fond
(but not in love)

slipping through
my fingers
as soon as
we touched

sorrow sees us for who we truly are

our shame, guilt and secrets
can not escape its eyes

we cannot hide

like a burnt leaf falling
from a withered tree
in Autumn

sorrow lays us bare

unafraid to be vulnerable
and timid

it’s lion’s jaw opens in front
of the mouse of

our hearts

and we are consumed, complete
covered and

cocooned

they ripple through me,
the undead, the broken, the cursed,
their voices strong as steel,
harsh as thunder,
dazzling as lightning

they like to think they are
an unbearable onslaught,
a tsunami,
a storm,

but darling,
I am the storm

Autumn hits our hearts
like a wave crashing against
the shore

the dead leaves of love
are falling off the trees

and in the orange canvas
of sorrow we

scatter our secrets
in the soil

to be discovered
in the Spring

They said my vulnerability
would be the death of me

my soft red heart, beating
away in a world of its own

my wild joy and
deep, deep sorrow

my ability to love in the face
of overwhelming odds

but I don’t think so

I feel like it’s the one thing
that makes me feel

alive

I walk amongst the forget-me-nots
pale blue memories strike my core
as I take each step without you
kicking the dead soil of love
off the soles of my shoes

when you wrap your arms
around me

they feel like prison bars

I am confined, tight, to your
body

and there is no way to
break out

there is a heaviness in my chest
as you pull me closer

I am screaming, running around
the bottom of my cage like a

frantic, frightened bird

(must I learn to sing?)

smoking under midnight skies
I build my kingdom out of stars
(in my head)
drinking moonshine until I'm as blind
as if the stars themselves had
blazed into my eyes

all I want is to finish this cigarette
and blow the smoke into the sky,
as the sky blows the solid shape
of my body into stardust

You may stitch my lips together

rip the voice box from my throat

stick white hot pins in my heart

and plant bitter roots in my feet

but you will never silence me

now that I’ve found my voice

tentative, at first, but it grew like a vine

to twist around your spine

I will scream from the rooftops

the injustices you laid on me

create hope with a needle and thread

I am blackened, blue and bruised

but these words carry a thousand knives

to find you

How beautiful the bloom
that blossoms again

wild roses that the winter cannot take

sunflowers refusing to sink into the soil

we look at them, and long

to be

another tulip tempted by the light

but we are weeds

creeping between concrete cracks

waiting to be destroyed
so that beauty

can prevail again

In the smoke of your cigarette

I saw everything that could ever be

and everything that never would

and it took my breath away

bright lights and city streets
where we mapped out our love

I was always too timid to tell you

that I found the streets *****
and the neon lights nauseating

but still, we survived

(somehow)

and now we live
in a quiet little village

far away from the
pushing and shoving

the stench of hot food stands
on a street corner

we have two dogs,
and walk them across the fields

and I have always been too timid
to tell you

that I have found
my heart,
my home,
my life

in your arms

I once tried to love you,
but I have played this game
before, and know well enough
when I’ve lost

walking away would be kinder,
but I’m a glutton for punishment
and getting my heart broken
every day

when I roll over in the morning
and stare into your eyes, and
know you are staring straight
through me

but at least I spent the night
with the moon and stars, and fed
my soul a little, before returning to
this hollow love

gauge out my eyes
never let me dream

of you again

you’ll only fade away
again anyway

The wilderness is wild
and dangerous

but so is my heart