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I used to think
angels were
a symbol
of protection

of hope
and light
and peace

but I have seen
angels with teeth
bared like
wolves

hungry for blood
(my blood)
and willing to rip
flesh from
bone

in their desperate
primal urge

I have seen angels
walk me into
a busy road
of traffic

and have me
lay on the
concrete

I have seen angels
pour “just one
more”

drink down
my throat

no, angels
do not
protect you

when they are
the manifestation
of your
nightmares
and in that moment
I saw infinity
reflected in the eye
of a mermaid
who had swam
to shore
to sing your name

seaweed haired girl
you carry the ocean
in the pocket of
your heart

and in mine
sweet and ripe
as strawberries
I carry
salt kissed kisses
the centre of
our love
I am struck
by lightning
every time
our fingers
meet

I drink the
wine of your
sweat
as if I were
an alcoholic,
desperate for
that first sip
of liquor

knowing it
is destroying
their organs,
but unable to
stop reaching for
the bottle, or

the flesh
I don’t believe in God
but you’re testing my (lack of) faith,
I look in to your eyes and see deep
blue oceans. Wild waves of freedom
and adventure.

how can such eyes not be the
result of Creation?

I hear your pulse echo in
my ear. The thumping beat of
everything that could ever be…

Divinity indeed, but if I were to
believe  - I would have to accept
that He could cruelly stop your
heartbeat, and take you from me
in a second

take away the rhythm
my feet follow
to find their way home
The cliffs we are standing on
are so high we can’t see over
the edge

but we know the drop

it has lingered like smoke
in our dreams for weeks
has curled like a vine
around our hearts

we have fantasised about it

wrote three chord songs
with bad lyrics
about the plummet

now we stand beneath
a carpet of stars
jagged rock beneath our feet

is it still our fantasy to fly?

or are we just two people
whose love became so toxic
that death seemed like the only
way to cleanse, to detox,
to start a new chapter

when you are two inches from death
your life flashes before your eyes
and neither of us saw beauty
or brilliance

especially together
especially together
especially together
We smoke cigarettes together
on cold beaches

smoke curling around our fingers
and hovering for a second
like a peace offering

the ocean is gigantic
and we cannot begin to
understand it
like we cannot begin
to understand our hearts

but they both beat
to the rhythm of
an almightier drum
and we will learn
what it means, in time, dear
we will learn
I sit at a wooden table
with four chairs
(One only has three legs)
the trickle of rain seeping
through the broken window
grows into the cascade of
a waterfall, in my mind

food is being shared out
plump strawberries that smell
like summer, and fresh bread
that makes me cry
with the thought of the effort
that went into making it

I sit waiting for the conversation
to start
the conversation I have waited
years to start
I’m not even scared anymore
I have my tribe
If they disown me
I can cope, practically

My partner squeezes my hand
she’s been here before
The morning chatter is coming
to an end
I don’t have long
I just have to say it
To be honest, it amazes me
that they can’t ******* SEE it
But ****, it’s over
They all walk out around me
Leaving us sitting there
hands clasped together
Maybe together is all we have
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