I sit at a wooden table
with four chairs
(One only has three legs)
the trickle of rain seeping
through the broken window
grows into the cascade of
a waterfall, in my mind

food is being shared out
plump strawberries that smell
like summer, and fresh bread
that makes me cry
with the thought of the effort
that went into making it

I sit waiting for the conversation
to start
the conversation I have waited
years to start
I’m not even scared anymore
I have my tribe
If they disown me
I can cope, practically

My partner squeezes my hand
she’s been here before
The morning chatter is coming
to an end
I don’t have long
I just have to say it
To be honest, it amazes me
that they can’t ******* SEE it
But ****, it’s over
They all walk out around me
Leaving us sitting there
hands clasped together
Maybe together is all we have

I do not ask you to stay
with my eyes
with tears and looks of desperation

I do not as you to stay
with my hands
fingers clinging to you, half possessed

I don’t even ask you to stay
with my heart
hoping beyond hope that the beat
of my pulse will guide you home

No.

I ask you to stay with the stars
to look at our names, that have long burnt
in the midnight sky

they burn inside me now
I am consumed by the blaze
and I know that you are feeling
as cold as the moon towards me
but a little ice would put the fire out

and maybe there is hope
when fire and ice collide

We sit
fingers wrapped tightly
around each other
as the sky falls in
around us

but it’s okay
because we hold stars
in the palm of our hands

and taste moon dust
on our tongues

who needs the sky
when we are complete
in a midnight moment

We are all prisoners to our fears
and the power to set yourself
free, lies in the palm
of your hand,

an invisible key of courage,

but the thought of breaking
out of this cage,

a combination of misery
and comfort, torment and safety

overwhelms me completely,
and so I stay behind bars
eating scraps of other emotions
writing poems on the walls
in black crayon

I am not courageous

Of the million faces I have seen
I remember every line and crack
of yours,

ocean blue eyes,
those gentle waves
that swirl around
your ink black
pupils

I can paint from memory
the freckles on your cheeks,
a dot to dot map
that leads me home
when I am lost,

Of all the million faces I have seen
I would give up the rest of my life
to see yours, one more time

Shame twists like a serpent
in my stomach

absorbing every bit of nourishment
I try to give my body

I am left weak -
and desperate

for air

to breathe without weight on my lungs
to taste air that isn’t poisoned

but the serpent grows,
restricting every breath

until I am clinging onto life
with my fingernails
seconds away from

slipping

I do not know what
makes you beautiful

maybe it’s that your arm
stretches around me
like a wave

and the thump of your heart
is as calming as the pulse
of the ocean

but why try to explain
the impossible
when you know it
will lose it’s magic