The play of my life
has no intermission
no break in the drama
no pause to catch my breath

On and on and on
the show loops
in my head
nightmares return
night after night

The scenery doesn’t change
the walls of the set, closing in on me
everything I touch is just a prop
fake cigarettes and alcohol free beer

I wait for my death scene
my heart racing with anticipation
for my exit, stage left
but I weep in the knowledge
that my final breath will be just an act

and there is no escaping this plot

you have
the whole
universe
swirling
inside
you

you
must
be
on
fire

you come the me now

as a butterfly

fragile winged thing

it is cruel that you die in a day

and I can’t even hold on to

your reincarnation

grief stirred endlessly

in a cycle

but I will take this daily torment

over never seeing you again

I know -
the secret flower patches
where the fairies hide

play
dance
drink sugar water
and eat daisy petals

I am becoming
them, leaving a world

that bound me with bitterness,
and gagged me with guilt,
subdued me with shame

I am not that rough edged  world;

I am flowers and sugar
twirling and stories

I exist, differently,
and happily

under the secret flower patches

You unpicked my heart
like you picked your guitar

each string of my lifeblood
wound around your fingers

each beat of my dreams
pulsing against your palm

each dizzying rush of blood
to my head, the drug that fed me  

until I didn’t know who I was
anymore,

without you

Let me see with eyes that have
never seen the stars in the sky

give me a tactile map of the constellations

so I may feel the might of Orion
like my feet feel the cracks in the pavement

give me this, so that I may know
the beauty I am missing
and weep

I long to feel the craters of the moon
in exchange for never seeing its phases

why can’t I touch the sky!?

my fingers are already itching,
feeling the heat from star fire

my heart is grieving for what I’ve lost
my eyes grow heavy and close

(as if they were ever different, open…)

as I realise that this midnight world
is not meant for me to see

Let me see with eyes that have
never seen the stars in the sky

show me a map of the constellations
so that I may know the beauty I am missing

and weep

I long to feel the craters of the moon
in exchange for never seeing its phases

why can’t I touch the sky!?
my fingers are itching with anticipation
a shard of my heart has been torn out
my eyes grow heavy and close

as I realise that this world
is not meant for me to see