I listen to the storm crash
against my window

memories strike, like lightning
and I know that I instilled
the wrath of thunder

in you

and this is you, visiting
to make sure that I never forget

you

like Alice,

we seek to find keys to rooms
that we do not know what mysteries lie behind

to mould ourselves to fit the openings
of terrors and temptations

to contort ourselves into a place
of ecstasy and enlightenment

can there really be anything more thrilling in live

that standing in front of a lock
hands shaking in anticipation,
not knowing how you will open it
but swearing to yourself that you will find a way

because one day,
one way, one lock, one key, one door

might lead you home

you took me away
from the wildest places,

the war torn home
of my childhood,
the sweat soaked digs
of my student days,

making sure I would be thankful to you,
making sure I knew I had a debt to pay,
making sure I could never leave you,

but forced gratitude without love is just slavery
and I am no longer a woman in chains,

I dared to shatter the bars of decency,
of what everything and everyone told me
was right (or wrong)

and live - arms wide and free,
taking flight into the night sky
to leave my imprint amongst the stars,

shattered, but whole

the trick is in your eyes
love and lies
that twist like a knife
in my spine

a deep blue ocean
that I have drowned in
a thousand times

why do I even try?

cut loose, cut free
unshackle my hands
from your tortuous
"I love you"

that is never meant
to server anything
except you own
ego

we are the unlikely creatures -

the ones that move in moonlight,
under a carpet of unforgiving stars

our hearts don’t go unnoticed,
as much as we would like our motives to be

souls scattered across midnight skies,
as everything unfurls

and we are left with nothing
but the atoms of love

Forget
what you think
we are

strip us down
to the bare
bones

and see what
lives beneath
the thoughtless

“I love you’s“

the kisses planted on cheeks,
unthinkingly

would we survive?
with our bones and arteries, on show,
with a pale heart pulsing out its own beat
and not the one we’ve forced upon it

is our core strong enough to withstand this test
of raw becoming

or will we fold like a house of cards
for we have no soul to show

That moment when I said goodbye to you...
I didn’t know it would be for the last time

ordinary Thursday’s, shuddering
with their sudden significance

missing
missing
missing

a word I’ve heard so often now
it’s lost all meaning

and what can I do? There are no streets left
to search, no stone left to be unturned...

I suppose all I can do, is keep you close,
and love you, miss you, and wait...

because I do not believe in last goodbye’s

no,
you are just testing how long
I will wait for you