London glows with pre-dawn light,

I roll my cigarettes next to the river
and stretch my limbs out towards the sun,

I cannot get warm,
my bones ache with longing,
and there is a hunger in my stomach
that no amount of pills or food can fill,

the dull ache of depression is a familiar friend,
yet it is really the relationship of a parasite and its host,

and I am so tired of being bled dry,
of having the life ****** out of me by
the angry mouth of this monster,

whilst time keeps slipping away,
as I smoke and watch the water
ripple, moving further and further away
from me

I leave the lights on,
it's better that way

I tear my heart in two,
hoping it will make you stay

your fingerprints singe my skin,
evidence that we once were

together

I wrap my arms around myself.
pretending they're yours

and

f a d e a w a y

without you

I watch you drown,
knowing that I could be
your anchor

I watch you sleep,
knowing that I could be
your nightmare

I watch you

I watch you

out of the corner of my eye,
I smile all the time

hoping you will never see,
the dark heart the lives

in me

**** fireworks

when I flinch at every

explosion

of my mind

scattering across the midnight

sky

my body trembling at every

blast

echoing back to the touch of

you

and I think I could settle

for the here and now

if it weren’t for feeling my bones break

under the weight of carrying

the promise of

forever

the smell of your cigarettes
lingers on my clothes

I have tried to overpower it
with expensive perfume

(that I could not really afford)

but always, it is there in the fibres
of my jeans

stubbornly refusing to be
erased

the war
she fought
against the
mirror

ceased

when she
saw herself
reflected in
your

eyes