I have put my faith
in men of your kind
all my life

deluded into thinking
my sanctuary lay in
being cradled by your arms

only to have my heart
ripped open, as a child
might tear off the petals
of a rose

as thoughtlessly
and gleefully

as I lay scattered across the floor,
bleeding a substance that is not blood,
but the very nectar of my soul

I make a vow to never again be
so recklessly in need of love
that I ignore my gut instinct

to run

and keep running

until I find sanctuary within myself,
until I become in tune with the beat of
my own heart, content with it's gentle rhythm,
to know that this is who I am, this is my purpose,
and this is who I need to stand for,

because when I am
at peace with myself
maybe I will see through
the likes of you

My broken heart is still
teaching me to love

from the little buds of
first meetings

to the blooms
of full blown passions

when our arteries
entwine, blood
mixed and wounded

hearts beating as one

You watched me force my way through the ashes
and rebuild myself from the debris

you said that you'd always believed in me
and I felt it

said that you'd always waited for this
and I could taste it

but when our hand clasp,
I panic, imagining them turning into dust

when we kiss deeply
I wonder if I am consumed by fire, inside
something so imbedded, so fundamental to my new state of being
that I can't control it

I imagine my tongue turning to flames
inside your mouth

I am scared of combusting at the slightest trust

I feel hazardous

Yes, a Phoenix may rise
ready to live their life over,

and it may be beautiful

but there fire inside them, still
and people will get burnt

FIGHT

shoes kicking at a stained carpet, ,
fingernails holding onto a
thread, my screams (echoing)
bouncing off the walls of
an empty room

FLIGHT

run, just run
my legs are lead
or jelly, neither state
in motion. I get to the
door, frantically struggle
with the lock. He turns
and grins. I am trapped.

FREEZE

lying on a stinking bed
my arms shackled tightly
above my head, my body,
tired and empty. It can give
no more. I can give no
more. I am like ice,
solid and cold, waiting
to thaw

as he leaves the room,
my body broken,
my spirit crush ,

he smiles, a half smile
like a wolf who is about
to burst into a grin

I am infinite as the universe,

I am marked by fire, stars
burning on my body, their
light bouncing off me as the
foam rises off the surface of
the waves that sweep across
the ocean

I have broken up with God,
skyless and without faith
tying me, rooted to the
spot with shame

I have shattered the bars
of pain, the cage that surrounded
my heart, bust open

I am blooming as the tulips
bloom in April, blossoming
from green stems into a
carpet or purple and red

cageless, Godless, shackles loose

I am infinite

He sunk
his teeth into
me

my body
still as the sky
and heavy as
lead

wrists shackled
above my head
a single breath
more than I dare

utter

I knew the taste
of blood and it
was my own

from biting my
cheek so hard
swallowing my
screams

he left me
empty as a
carcass and
just as alive

I had tasted death
with its bitter root

I had wished for it

I’m not coming over tonight
to beg you to stay,

in my heart
I know it’s over,

nothing ever lasts forever,
not even promises of

we’re in this together