I lost her on my way to
Lightness

A shaking shadow that could not take form
Without me

Holding my hair back, stroking
The stretch marks we made together

The only tangible memory

The white blankets
Over the mirrors

The locks on the fridge

To keep our hearts
From filling up

To be emptied
Like a trash can

Once a week

The cuts on my knuckles
Will fade

Skin will grow back like plants
That skip a summer

The catch in my throat that is the
Air between our bodies

The gaps between our thigh
Bones

Cigarettes leave their traces of
Yellow stamps on my fingers

And I smoked so many with you

We're drinking tea
from chipped mugs
again, like we do
every morning

dropping sugar
grain by grain
until the sweetness
settles on the top
like a second
skin

we wake up before the alarm sounds
first a minute to ****
and then two

as we sleep
closer night after night
our legs wrapped up
like a song
lyric

I wispered Eliot into your ears, you would leave it
on Post It notes on
the fridge

we don't have photographs there
our love is not
visual

it is in touch
of breath against
neck at midnight

the tightening grip
of strong arms
around as I shake through another bad night

we know how we taste
and smell

the strawberry shampoo
that makes you want
to wrap my hair
around your tongue

I fit into you like
a fossa

our fingers resting
on the ucho
of our tea cups

In your eyes
I see a thousand
sunsets, oranges
and reds that
melt like honey,
on hot bread,

in your eyes
I see a thousand
ways to say
goodbye

Please remember me
in this moment

as we gaze into
each other's eyes

whole solar systems
collapsing

in milli -
seconds

of doubt

a sweetness that
lingers on the lips

like sugar, that turns
to paste upon

the tongue when it
meets the moistness

of your mouth

I am not your
lullaby

nor your temptation
taken out of

time

I am just a girl
you loved once

not for a lifetime
nor an infinity

but just

in this moment

I used to think mysef
a Romany

reading palms
and wearing golden
bangles

layers of purples
pinks and reds

adorning my body

but your love
turned me into
nothing but

a Tinker

stealing purses
from unsuspecting
well dressed women

and pocket watches
from pinstriped suited
men

I never said I was
guiltless

but your love
made me nothing
but ashes in

the fire pit of
Hell

What about the moon -
waxing under God's gaze
turning the arc of the tide
into a smile or a
crash of anger

I do not pretend
to know it's secrets,
painted in the sky,

only to be seen
at the fall
of night

We used to climb through
the broken fence and
visit the ancient
Ash tree that
stood, splendid
and solidatary

we would wrap our arms
around it, our fingers
far from touching

in our minds we would
disect the trunk and
count the rings, ageless
it was, beyond
number

we would sit
beneath it’s branches,
that reached out like
arms, hands desperate
to be held

it’s leaves would fall
in autumn, we would kick
their red and orange
offerings, disrespectful
as to where they
had come from

I still go to to it,
sometimes, I still
listen for it’s song

but it is dead
and quiet

without her