Only four more days until it starts again
A new hell
Filled with new people

I can't wait to see all the eyes
Judge me from head to toe
I hate new people

They give you one look
And think they know
Everything

But in reality
They don't know
Anything

One minute it rains
Next minute the sky is blue and there is sunshine
An hour later there is a thunderstorm

The weather has been crazy today
I'm starting to think that maybe it tries to be like my
Feelings

The weather Gods tries to show me what my head
Would look like if someone opened it
There would be

Rain
Lightning
Thunder

When all that is over
They would also show me
The most beautiful thing I have ever seen

A big
Bright colorful rainbow
And a perfectly cloud-free sky

What do you want me to do?
I can't just give all of me to you

What do you want me to feel?
I don't know if any of this is  real

What do you want me to see?
I don't know where we are supposed to be

What do you want me to say?
I don't think it matters anyway

What do you want me to hear?
I don't trust you please don't come near

It's getting
Colder
Darker

I will miss it
Just like always
I will miss you

No more
Party
Sun

There wont be
Drunk kisses with you by the sea
No more days that never turns to nights

That is what I will miss most
Days
That never ends

I wish I had wings
Beautiful like the songs angels sings
White like the snow winter brings

They would make me fly
My wings would take me so high
I would become one with the sky

I would see the word
It would be just as beautiful as I had heard
On the trees there would be birds

My angel wings would make me smile
Even if just for a while
All my feelings would be put to the side

I would no longer have to hide

Sometimes I just wonder how my death will be
I have been understanding that the person responsible
For it is probably me

I don't thing I will live long enough to get
Terrible cancer
Or a stroke

I think when I die people will find me on the floor
With a million sleepingpills in my body
A note in one hand that says

I'm sorry, I know I'm weak
And then a poem called
Don't stand on my grave and weep

I think that is how my life will end
But not quite yet
I need to see if I'm strong enough to get through this

And I will try
I will try so hard
But if I fail this

You'll know where to find me

Maybe if I lose some weight
Maybe if I put on more make up
Maybe if I buy nicer clothes
Maybe if I get another hair color
Maybe if I do something about my face
Maybe if I just try a little bit harder

I wouldn't be so ugly
I wouldn't disgust you

And maybe just maybe I could be the girl someone
Would look at and think
I wish my girl looked like that

And maybe you would fall for me
Just as hard as I fell for you
Maybe just maybe
I would get my brown eyed Prince Charming

But to be honest
I don't think there is anything I could do
To make you want me the way I want you

I'm hopeless