One of the best days of my life,
teeters between first and second
like the moment you lose balance
and your body tenses
and sways back and forth until inner peace is found.

It was cold out
but we ran around outside anyways
in the dark night
in the glowing beems from the streetlights.
We sat on that bench that said
"Dedicated to Mark Xander"
or something like that.
We watched the sunset
pull the pinks and oranges out of the sky
below the surface of the Columbia.
You fell asleep in my lap,
as I ran my fingers through your hair,
for some reason you love that so much.
And I watched you,
you looked so peaceful.

A few minutes later
you woke up
and jumped
saying
"We're losing time!"

We ran up a few more blocks
to the downtown park
and sat by the man-made waterfall
that drizzled down from the clock tower.
Aspen trees bordered the square
already decked out in their flashing Christmas lights.
I love Christmas decorations,
did you plan this? I thought.

We traced the bricked earth with our toes
as we held hands on the bench.
The clock struck 8:00.
You stood up
and took my hand
and we kissed
as the giant bells sang to us,
beautifully.

It felt like a small promise...
that one day I'll hear those bells again
on our wedding day.
We pulled away and I looked into your eyes,
I could tell you thought
the same thing as I.

I don't remember much of the rest of the night.
My eye sight was blocked
from my clenched cheekbones
so big from smiling so wide.
All I can remember, was that we
were the happiest people on earth.

It's been almost a year since that day,
and we still remember
and embrace
that one Sunday
as the best days of our life.

I write
to admire the beauty
of the world
our thoughts.

I write
to share my joy,
ease my pain,
to try to forget.

Writing is an amazing thing
because it helps me
just almost
forget.
I put my pencil down,
and get on with my day.

But I'm afraid
that if I write about you dear,
the ink of
every word that you've said to me
every detail of your face
every feeling of your presence
and every memory of us
will sink under the surface
of the pages of white sea
and become forgotten.

I'm afraid
that one day
I will entirely forget
why I love you.

And its painfully true,
that it has happened before
and you knew.

And you know,
that I am afraid.

South Maine
the white beaches of Ogunquit
where the tide shrinks the shoreline
where the mud is made new
Lucy corkscrews her toes
digging deeper and deeper
What are you doing sweetheart
though she's my niece I pretend she's my daughter
I want to hit bottom so I can climb to the top
though she's four she's wiser than me
squawking seagulls float above
an orange glow seeps off the edge of the clouds
as they hustle west
Josh
Yes
Is the ocean forever
Of course I say as a wave washes her feet clean
*I wish we were oceans

the more I know, the more I know I don't know

and that is okay

because

in that moment

I am absolutely passive

things may come

and things may go

like they will do

and it will not affect me

I am still

listening

feeling

aware

zen

My seed coat is pressed up against me
holding tight, protecting me
as I age I break free from its grasp
growing away from its warmth
when there is finally room to stretch I let my roots flow out of me, bursting downward towards the center of the Earth
coming from the opposite end of my body is my radicle
reaching for the light, it climbs its way out of the darkness and into the sweet summer air
to feel more of the sun's heat I unwrap my cotyledons
so enthralled by the light, I can't help but but let true leaves sprout upwards, to touch the sky
my leaf viens swelling with excitement
I need more
before I had time to think, an internode grew out of me
with small buds everywhere
I am content, but need more color in life
so I forced the buds to explode into a bright yellow color
apparently the yellow also attracted some bees
because I was soon surrounded by them
after they left I felt tired, worn out
ready to sleep
I let my body start to decay
shrinking back down to the darkness
the silence
as I leave, I decide to give part of myself back to the Earth
out of my last living limb
I squeeze out a few more seeds for you to remember me by
there, now my work is done
I will rest