What are in the presents under the tree?
Boxes are covered in smooth satiny wrapping paper
A puzzle full of colours, solid and stiff, waiting to be pressed together by little hands
A doll that can walk and talk, in a frilly dress like a princess, eager to be posed and played with
A shiny new car making noises when it is bumped patiently waiting to be pushed across the floor
New dresses, ironed and ready for wearing, sewn to perfection
Socks, waiting to be recieved with a fake smile and 'thank you', that are later found to be warm and soft
Shiney new leather shoes, that are not so soft,
Accesories covered in sparkles, that rub off as the small package is opened  
A new book, waiting for someone to crack its spine open and start to read

You
You made me feel what it is like,
to be hurt,
to be hurt so bad,
I thought that I was going to die,
You made me feel like I had been stabbed,
I felt like I had been stabbed in the stomach
Where you knew that there would be no hope,
no hope for recovery,
or for life.
And you enjoyed it
Enjoyed my pain,
and my suffering

You made me feel what it was like to long,
to long for peace,
to long to see any one but you,
yet long to see you everyday at the same time.

You made me feel what it was like to need,
to need to get away from you,
but also need to be with you.

You were like the sun,
warm and pleasent,
yet cold and out of reach,
I needed you to go on,
but you shined in my eyes blinding me,
blinding me to you motive,
to break my heart,

I was your icicle,
you melted me little my little in the beggining,
but then made me freeze up.

You were the bull,
and I was your matador
I evaded you for a while,
and then tired,
letting my guard down
and you hit me,
you hit me so har
I flew backwards
hitting the fans in the grand stands.
I was dazed for a while,
and then got angery,
I took revenge on you,
but you won again,
I was hurt,
and always will be.

I left months ago,
got over you quickly,
and moved on,
got with a group of friends,
While you were still wallowing in your own sadness
I spend the mornings wandering the halls
with my friends
sometimes we cross paths,
but I don't want to look at you.
I found out that you were doing things behind my back,
without my permission,
and I confronted you,
You lied to me,
saying that you didn't do it
I know that you did.
Your tried to get me to take you back,
but I am through with you.


You left me months ago,
Leaving me behind in the dust,
I couldn't get over you,
try as I did.
I found no comfort in my friends,
the same group that you hung out with,
and became a recluse.
Wandering the halls,
not having any particular path
occasionally we crossed paths,
but you would never meet my gaze.
You accused me,
and I lied and said I didn't do them,
but I know I did.
I know I am to blame,
I said that I was sorry,
but you wouldn't take me back.
You said that you were done,
With me,
with boys.

Why do humans have to be so structured?
We are expected to be sculpted and perfect,
As if we are made of granite.
But why?
Why are we expected to
look,
think,
and act perfectly?

Why is being yourself discouraged?
What is wrong with being a part of that weird goth group
even if you aren't goth?
What is the problem,
with your favorite subject being math?
Why do we all have to conform to the same rules?

Answer me this one question,
Why can't you just be your self?

Butterflies,
how can butterfly?
Do they have bread wings,
and butter bodies?
Or butter wings and bread bodies?

Do horse flies look like horses?
Lewis Carol says that they look like rocking horses,
with wings like dragonflies

That reminds me,
What do dragonflies look like?
Are they like little dragons with wings like flies?
Or little flies with wings like dragons?

You know what dragons remind me of?
Swirls,
the way that dragons fly
swooping,
swirling,
and curving.
As they soar through the sky.

Soaring,
Do you know what that reminds me of?
Birds,
All kinds of birds soar,
but mostly birds of prey.

Pray,
Do you know what that reminds me of?
Jesus,
Do you know why that reminds me of him?
Because you're supposed to prey to him.
Doesn't mean I do though.

Mean,
You know what that reminds me of?
Bullies,
You know why that reminds me of bullies?
Because bullies are mean,
the push,
and hit,
and say mean things to little kids.

Why do I have to be so random?

What is family?
I know that it is any one related to you,
you know,
second cousin twice removed and all that.
I love all my family dearly,
my aunts and uncles,
brother and sister,
cousins,
grandparents,
great aunts,
great uncles etc.

But I also have another family,
My best friends who are like brothers and sister to me,
Emme Shoup,
Frances Calvin,
Sophia Hale,
Jacqueline Peaglow ,
Taylor Corkil,
Maile,
Dakota Thrall,
Jazmin Villasenor,
Crimson Morgan,
Marshall McIvor,
And many others,
I want to thank you for always being there,
When I needed you most,
You have helped me through the hard times,
And laughed with me through the funny ones,
You have never given up on me.

I would like to say one thing to you all,
Even if you give up on your selves,
I will never,
EVER
give up on you
You are the siblings I never had,
My sisters from other misters,
My brothers from other mothers
And,
I love you.

I never new you very well,
All I knew was,
You were gay,
You were my uncle,
Your name was Johnny,
And that I loved you.

I don't remember much about you,
only that you were tall,
had brown hair,
and that you were kind.

I think,
You will be happy to know,
That you have a great niece named after you,
Her name is Johnnie,
She is four years old and very out going

When you died,
I remember being sad,
I knew that you death had been slow,
I knew you had died because something in your body,
failed.

The only thing I know about you,
Is that you died because of ***
I will never forgive that desiese
for taking your life.
I wish I could have gotten to know you more,
I love you.