All I can do i laugh until I cry
As i watch you forget to say goodbye
you walked away
Like it was all a little game
But you didn't forget to dig my grave

Your shovel cuts deep into my back
I can't see anything, but empty black
My tears crawl down
and break the ground
without a sound
I'm lost without you around

It's funny how this all played out
And how quickly you forget all we talked about
Were her kisses anything like mine?
Do you think she could taste all of your lies?

All you ever did was make me cry
And its like all I ever do is lose my mind
I shiver at how easy it was to leave me behind
I hope you freeze without my fire

All of this time has gone by
I can't seem to stop the arms on the clock.
No matter how hard I push them back,
they slingshot forward like comets
with lost tears trailing desperately behind.
Overcast sleeps soundly  above the grooves of my brain
and sleet slides like needles down the back of my neck
glass paints the pavement of my cheeks
Frozen quartz blooms from my eyelashes
When i think of you,
a storm shrieks inside my chest
Its furious
and ******...
It breaks all of my windows
And all of my houses collapse
the image of your face in my mind is like peeling wallpaper
Ugly
Tired
and sad.

Its's hard to write in here sometimes
I'm afraid to confront myself
It feels like an intervention
It's way easier to be honest with everyone else
Life is just scary right now
My three year relationship is over...
And it breaks my heart
Why couldn't he be what i needed?
Why couldn't he not be selfish?
Why couldn't he be the person i thought he was?
His baggage is just too heavy for me
and he can't figure out how not to hurt me
how sad is that?
i feel like a used napkin
All i can do now is let go
like everyone keeps saying
there's always just a crescent of hope glowing inside me
and i cling to happiness like an old teddy bear
all the good times rush in like warm waves...
Then they fall back to the sea
its not enough
love is funny like that
it can't stand on its own two feet
I'm alone now.
Its really sad and relieving
I feel like i can breath and like i'm suffocating
Like i'm in an open field and a jail cell
I'm a ghost and a brick wall
I don't know
It's just really hard to write in here.

I sink into the claws of my floor
Rain crawls across my cheeks, scalding from a second before
My bones are unable to support the boulders
That have made a home on my scarred shoulders
It’s funny how the words that drip from your jaw always end up slapping me in the face
The bruises on my brain make me microscopic and you the callous king of this place  
The walls in here are graffitied with gruesome traces of your vicious venom
Urgent, ugly, and unrelenting
Shadows howl and holler, hidden beneath my burning bed
The beaches of barbed wire clutching my floor boards bite my moon skin
My eyes drip with onyx after looking into the ebony gaze of the weary windows, heavy with traces of haunted words, hurled hazardously in my helpless direction
My room mimics the madness moving along the corridors of my consciousness
Darkened, desolate, and destroyed
The dead sunflowers sleeping soundlessly on my pillows smoke cigarettes and my lungs become rough with rubies
thump, THump, THUMP
The sound of your titan steps set my nightmares on fire
My soul shakes when the echoes of your shoes and my fears collide
My blood tastes your fingers teasing my doorknob
And all I can see is the shaky symphony of my staggered breathing.

I know your eyes are on my skin
I smile and I burn
It feels good when you look at me
It feels good when you don’t

It would be easier if you didn’t exist
Or if I didn’t exist
Or if we both existed somewhere else

I cry when you leave and I cry when you stay
My heart stings with pleasure
And relishes in pain


I think if I was a fish
And if you were a bird
We’d both suffocate

I’d rather be blind than see the heat of your gaze
But no matter how many times I stitch my eyes together, your oceans rush in and scald my lids to lava
Lashes ignite and embers decorate my cheeks with flaring freckles
Fire licks the blood from my veins and flames drip down my teeth
Anger sticks to my oxygen, making smoke runs its lips along the walls of my lungs
The skies in your irises suffocate me faster than the rope I feel like tying around my neck sometimes
You were impossible, even for me...
But its hard to forget the way you set my soul on fire
And the searing splendor of your lips burning tattoos onto my skin
I break when I see crimson shadows of Rage trailing close behind Love's ruby footsteps
It reminds of the ashes that have made a home in my chest where my heart used to be

Down and down I go
I fall into a unknown rabbit hole
Welcome to the last number of this show
My hands haven't held anythings sturdy for quite a while
I can't seem to stop my self from ending up in empty piles
Nothing is bright to me anymore
Colors have been ****** like venom out of every pore
All I can see are the tears in my eyes
And all I can seem to do is cry
And further down this hole i fly
Into a bottomless sky
I wonder if Alice ever thought it would stop
That she might find an end to her darkened drop
Maybe that's the answer to my dilemma
And death is what I need to save Emma
Because Wonderland seems like the place to be
At the bottom of this fall waiting for me