Circle round the flames.
Watch as they warm us all in a dance of light and energy
and not much else.
Join me in a campfire song that makes us smile
and not much else.
Sit in entranced silence, sit
and not much else.
This is all we need, the fire
and not much else.

I have gotten goosebumps many times but up until now I thought I was just getting cold.

I thought the shiver down my spine was ice, not fire.

And I thought the feeling in my stomach was something less beautiful than butterflies.

Up until now, I didn't realize what wonder smelled like. Smoke.

And until I found that goosebumps came as a side-affect of awe I used to grab the nearest blanket to warm up when I really had a flame inside me, not a snowstorm.

this place really ***** your soul out
it leaves you so empty that there is no room for more empty inside.
it leaves you broken down on the side of the road with a broken down cell phone and a broken down heart.
it kicks you in the gut and expects you to continue breathing just like nothing happened
it throws people and places and words and numbers at you and expects you to somehow make sense of the nonsensical string of thoughts tossed together in a stew of confusion and hair-pulling-graying stress.
it gives you a person who leaves you the same way it left you, empty without context or direction
it's magnetic
it causes the compass in your heart to spin wildly out of control leaving you lost and alone
i shows you jealousy and envokes hatred that you never knew existed
but you realize it's not the place at all
it's the people
and you.
you.

it feels as though i've waited seven lifetimes
for this day to come
this day when i could think anything
do
almost
anything
but expectations are only things we tell to ourselves
and I know better than anyone
that I cannot trust what i tell myself.
expectations are never true
and it may be better now
but it's not healed
i don't know if it ever will be.

There will be days.
There will be days when the person you most want to see is right in front of you.
There will be days when that person is miles away.
There will be days when you accomplish little more than a quick nap.
There will be days when you fail.
There will be days when you succeed.
There will be days when you need people, and that's okay. Because one of these day's they'll need you too. Just wait.
There will be days when the very uttering of their name will send shivers down your bones and blood to your cheeks and the tips of your lips will curve up without you even trying.
There will be days when the tips of your lips refuse to curl up even though you are trying very hard.
There will be days when you don't want to leave the comforting pillow that finally fits your head just as you have to leave.
There will be days when you have to leave.
There will be days when you have to leave behind.
There will be days when you have to forget. try. to forget.
There will be days when you try. to forget. but are reminder over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. there will be nothing you can say. it's okay, I've been there, too.  
There will be days when the feeling is just out of reach and taunts your desperately clawing fingers like a grass seed.
There will be days when you forget about the grass seed.
There will be days when it floats in between your fingers and lands square in the palm of your hand and those are the days you need to day thank you and remember remember. try. to remember.
There will be days when it's difficult to breathe.
There will be days when breathing seems to be the only thing your broken body remembers how to do.
breathe. it's what you're built for. breathe.