The unimpressed look on your face
The slightly annoyed brush away
The silence, the words you never say

Don't say "I love you to me"

I never understood before
the meaning of being infuriated by someone
and annoyed at them
and arguing too much
but still wanting to speak to them
before I met you

I never could see before
how each word could be so important
that they're analysed each
until all possible meaning has been confused
and then happily construed
before I met you

I never could feel before
the knowing of having someone
the wanting to get it right
so much you're worried all the time
because you care so much for them
before I met you

I never did hear before
the doubts I have of myself
the voices that question me
to try and be the better person
the best person for you to have
before I met you

This is meant to be the best thing that ever was
And sometimes it feels like it is
But sometimes the happiness of what I feel for you
Is balanced by the cutting of my feelings for me

Is it you that makes me feel like I do?
Or do I judge myself too strong?
This isn't sustainable for me to proceed
If this is permanent, I just can't

There's an empty feeling that trickles down inside of me
Telling me I'm not good enough
Saying I shouldn't be acting that way
The way that felt so right before

If only I could see the right way to go
Maybe I'd feel better inside
But life isn't so black and white, as they say
And grey is a hard shade to tell

And in a while something will change
The feelings will start to pass
Overcome with something more hopeful than them
This time, I'm hoping it'll last

They seem to come around midnight
The groans and cries of pain
Hiding behind the fancy words
That the poet did create

But my friends in writing
When the hour comes for you
With your words, you're not alone
We're all feeling it too

I'd rather have friends than enemies
I'd rather have love than hate
And if that love don't seem big enough
I guess I'll just have to wait

The grass is always greener
At least that's what they all say
But to see it from the other side
Has not yet been my fate

I've tried to find it everywhere
I've looked and searched in vain
But for me, it's not yet to be
And that's what gives me pain

Now it's made me miss some things
That are right in front of my face
A different kind of love, you see
Is sometime hard to trace

But I'll take what I've been given
And try more to appreciate
The things I have, and for the things I've not
I guess I'll just have to wait

My heart is adrift
Lost out in the sea
Caught up in the waves
Nothing like me

You are the lifeboat
Who'll find me out there
You know where am
For you truly care

In the passing of the night
With only friendship left to lose
Encouraged by some drunken friends
And eddied by the *****

We talked a while, just you and me
In fading smokey light
Until I could convince myself
The timing had come right

I though that you had shown a sign
The words you said were true
But what I thought the words did mean
Was not what they were to you

The laughter I thought was nervous hope
Was plainly misconcieved
And looking back I see I saw
What I wanted to believe

I took a step and passed all points
That had been passed before
A calamity of awkward words
Shared by the front door

You look surprised and not quite sure
Of what you're supposed to say
But all I wanted was the truth
Not just a part to play

It wasn't the answer I wanted to hear
But I know you're not to blame
I'm only happy I know where we stand
Alhough we don't feel the same

And though I don't regret the action
The method wasn't right
So I hope you don't hold against me
What passed the other night

I want to tell you how I feel but don't know what to say
The cheesey lines that come to me say "colours fade to grey"
A gentle blandness hangs around but I can't work out why
I carry out the same routines that now seem dull and dry
For some reason  excitement's gone and I'm just feeling down
For a little while I'll fake a smile, paint it like a clown
I know that it will lift in time, but here the hope seems thin
Melancholy dreariness, no passion in the hymn
I trust that you will lift the fog as you have done before
Break into my apathy, and rock me to the core
For now I'll plod along the road, make sense of what is mine
And as I go, I'll sing along - A "Perfect Day For Sunshine"

You think that I don't cope
When in fact I cope all the time

But sometime I don't cope so well...

I can't seem to connect
to say what I want to
So I write to someone else,
knowing that you will hear
They say "You turn sorrow into dancing"
but I often find it hard to believe or see
But I see and feel it so clearly now
And for that I am so grateful

The laughter
the confidence
the peace
the sharing
the food
the love you gave
You are so great-full

More than my attempt at a pun could ever say

How do you do it?
When I ask for things you give me more than I could ever imagine
Or give me nothing that I asked for at all
But give me something so much better?
It blows my mind every time.
And then when the next problem comes along
I get scared and ask you for something
And get angry and hate you for something
And get sad and cry for someone
But then you do it all over again
It blows my mind every time.
How do you do it?

Only you make me dream of fireworks in the day
When I'm walking on my own my life becomes like a movie
The sound is spinning and the world moves just for me
Things become alive and dance to the sound
Of your love emanating from me like a visible glow
I want to break out in a song and a spontaneously choreographed dance
But part of me remembers where I am
And I grin at seeing myself dance down the street in my mind
It's crazy how happy your love makes me feel
Like the only person in the world
But part of the biggest family at the same time
You speak to me individually
Whilst your speaking to everyone else
Though I changed your beauty to fit my ideals
You never tried to change me
And for that I love you too

Goodbye friendships, built years ago
Once so close, now apart we grow
Shared conversations turn divisive and coarse
And we still smile together, but the smiles we force
Gone is the easiness, the jokes that ran free
Tables are turned on what was loyalty
Rumours run smoothly through the cracks in our ties
But only some know what is truth, what is lies
What used to be friendship, we cling to the ends
Now's a group of people with no other friends
Sticking togther because no others they know
Soon someone will realise it's just time to go

You're too big for my imagination
Though my imagination was made by you
You're to beautiful for my eyes to handle
But I've only seen you out the corners of my eye
In puddles and ripples, through grace in the rain
In reflections and smiles, and situations that don't make sense
If I could ask you for anything
... but I know that I can
I'd ask you to meet him and show him your freedom
and whilst you're here show it to a few others too
and my friends and my family and my friends of friends of friends
There isn't anyone I don't want to meet you
But where does it end?
If I asked you to heal everyone, is it too big an ask?
Because what I do know of you, is that your compassion is vast
There are people starving, so let them be fed
And there are people so lonely they wish they were dead
All they need is your comfort, your peace and love
Could you send it at once, like you sent the dove?
For those just surviving, send them all your strength
It can't be measured, it has no length
To those that are hurting, those with deep pain
Wash it away, with all-cleansing rain
The searching and lost
Need to know of your cost
Break the chains we see
That set us on our knees
Set us free


Please?
x

The room I once slept in seems so small
The buildings too familiar
The sky not so tall
The airs seems stiller, no excitement lingers
The piano disjointed
At the touch of my fingers
And though this is the place I once longed to be
Here once again
I just don't feel like me
It's filled full of memories, but full to the brim
So the spaces of new memories
Have no space to fit in
And having longed to return here I now long to leave
What once was a resting place
Is now a reprieve


But I'll stay here awhile, before I depart
From the place that once was
to the place that now is
the place in my heart

In the times you feel you can't talk to anyone
Know that you are loved
When your problems seem minor but yet so huge
Know that you are loved

I care even when I'm not thinking about you
When you annoy me I still care all the same
For the love to you is without cause or catch
If I could I'd take your pain

When your emotional barrier is at its lowest
Know that you are loved

Stepping out the door
Not quite sure where the night will go
Who will be there, who will I see?
Will it be awkward or full of new excitement
Walking into the room could be where I meet him
the one that ive been looking for
Like many like me have done before
Know one knows what he'll be like
We'll just have to wait and see
But until then I'll just carry on
Meeting people, making friends
Having a drink, a laugh, a dance
And it gets later, and tiredness strikes
The people break away, a couple at a time
And the last few bid goodbye and split

Stepping in the door I am the only one
No text to see I'm home ok
Or wondering how the evening went
With the walk home too long
Just me and my thoughts going round in my head
Did I do that right, did I do that wrong?
The questions that bounce around in my head
When there's no-one else to distract me from myself
The question of the night, and every night, seems to be

Why is walking home alone
so much harder than going out alone?

The thrill that I get
when you like what I say
A moment of joy
that brightens my day
When the world
seems so grim
And I can't
let you in
Then you make me smile
when you click my way

It's the chill around me when your bodies are close
It's the silence right by me when you're chattering away
It creeps up on me when the room is busy
It's the lack of text when I'm walking home alone
It's the empty hand when yours are held tight
It causes jealousy I don't want to have
It's the cold side on the bed when I'm sleeping
It's the stare into a full restaurant at night
It makes you feel the odd one out
It's the misplaced eye contact when you give that look
It's the time working when you're just hanging out
It lingers in the background of my mind
But I keep it quiet, only here I confess
to the bitter taste of loneliness

I can't seem to say when it means the most, when you need my time, when time is short
the feelings come after you'tr gone and that just makes it worse for me
I just want to let you know that you mean to the world to me
that when the seconds tick past after we've said goodbye all I can think is what I should've said to you
I hope that I say it best when I say nothing at all because sometimes the time isn't right
but maybe that's because the time is never wrong
and I feel it all the time
when you're near and when you're gone
when we're seconds or hours or mountains apart
I wish I could say the thoughts of my heart

You know that I can't say to you
the words I know you want me to
If you won't explain to me
Just how about you came to be
The person you have turned into
Who doesn't look a thing like you
when i say "you" what i mean
is the person i have always seen
until the day you turned into
the person who's no longer you
the person i no longer see
where I expect the old you to be
where did you go, what did you do
to change suddenly, through and through

It doesn't make much sense does it?

Maybe from this you can learn to see
how it'd feel, how it'd be
if I were you
and you were me