in the day i don't remember
in the night i pretend i don't

and then you kissed me
like it was a habit
and i'm afraid
it might be

completely ecstatic
blissful
deeply convinced that what i felt
in his arms was the feeling of being home
only to have him leave me
feeling even sadder
than before i met him

dear friend
i'm sorry i'm sending another letter so soon
but i deeply need your help
it all happened last night
i know you couldn't come
so i'll tell you what happened
the party was over
but i didn't want to go home
home is where my bed is
and my bed is where my thoughts bloom
so i sat outside
on the stairs
fifth step from the top
i know because i counted
i just sat there
with my head
planted firmly on my knees
not making a single sound
and i wanted him to ask if i was okay
which is weird
because i never want people to do that
he never asked anyway
he never even looked at me
instead he stood on the field
directly across from the stairs
hugged his friend
and kissed her on the cheek
touching a bit of her lip
with his
then he was gone
and i didn't see how he left
or in what direction he went
but he was gone and he didn't care
that i was left alone again
and i know i left him too
and i know he doesn't want to hear me apologies
or explain why i acted like i did
that's why i'm writing this letter
because i know he listens to you
and i need you to tell him
that i am deeply sorry
and i hate myself for ever letting him go

i remember crying
when my mum's coat
smelled of cigarette smoke
because i didn't want her to die

i remember not getting out of bed
the morning after that one boy
kissed someone else
because i wanted to be her

i remember cutting my skin
when i realised
they all left me
because i needed them

i remember feeling disgusted
when i was the one to smoke
and kiss someone else and leave
all because i was so broken

and you should know i'm sorry
and i hope you don't cry
i hope you get out of bed
i hope your skin is whole

and i stopped smoking shortly after i met him
i stopped, because he didn't
and even though it felt so good inhaling the smoke he blew in-between
my lips
it just still didn't make up for the fact that i was slowly watching
the one i adored **** himself
and i don't know if he cares or not but it felt so horrible
knowing that now. and now. and now.
he shortens his life by what seems to be an eternity
and i guess i never realised this when my own lungs were at risk
but you
don't you dare die on me

why can't you want me
like the other boys do
they stare at me
while i
crave you

but maybe

it's just that i need you
maybe
every inch of my body
aches for your touch
every second
every hour
maybe
i need you
maybe
i need for you to promise
that this is forever
and that you won't leave me
aching and craving like now
maybe
i die a little more
every day i'm not with you
maybe
i need you to need me
just half as much as i need you
and
maybe
a little more

tangled together
like fishtail braids
as if they had never parted
and never again would

well i don't like YOU
but i kind of like US
yeah, i like us
and i like that sneaky picture my friends took
when you kissed me
and it hurts my stomach when i think of how
i'm not the only girl you kissed that night
which i guess makes me guilty of double standards
'cause even though you were the first of the night
you weren't the last
or the middle one
or the one after that
but yeah, let's say the first one is all that counts
and then we can both be happy
we
us
us
us
us

and it was crazy how obvious his flaws became
once i was not forced
to think he was flawless

you say you can't
but you do it anyways
admit i drive you crazy

never
have i ever
been more torn
or out of words
it's all so fragile
a tiny touch of wrong
and it's all broken
i run and hide
to escape it
because i am not ready
for the storm cloud of reality
to roll
into my heart
and change my beliefs
about the two of us

for the first time
since i was like 4
i actually took the time
to pick petals off of flowers
and guess what

he loves me not.

i'm gonna wear black - all black.
i don't like blues or yellows
and the only thing pink should be your tounge on the inside of my teeth.

if this is gonna end up with something that needs to be "facebook official"
(ugh)
i WILL force you to delete those 2012 pics of you so my friends
(who have never seen you before) won't think you're that ugly

i'd love to go out and eat with you and act like we're all fancy and stuff
but can we do it right after payday
because give me a week and my money are looooong gone

we are gonna hang out at your place
my parents are awkward and ask too many questions
and i love train rides
so you're not gonna come to me, i'm gonna come to you

if we work something out you better show people you like me
i'm talking friends, exes, complete strangers i. don't. care
but show people the love, okay

yeah i have trust issues
i get jealous over pretty much everything
but just kiss and let me know i'm yours and you're mine
and we should be good

and now i can't even look
at the stars in the night sky
without thinking of the night
where we left the party
and found an old hammock
in the back of a garden
and you held your arms
around me tight
and tried to find
the stars you knew of
and my head fit perfectly
where your shoulder
and neck meets
and just like that we kissed
and it was so clear
that you were the one for me

mon amour, je sais que tu m'aimes aussi
tu as besoin de moi
tu as besoin de moi dans ta vie
tu ne peux plus vivre sans moi
et je mourrais sans toi
je tuerais pour toi

i read somewhere that
if a writer falls in love with you,
you can't die
and i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry
because i know you don't want to walk
on this earth anymore
i'm sorry if this stupid poem
made you immortal

you might need me
i don't need you
i love me
i love me enough for the both of us

indviklet
viklet ind
i hinanden
mens vi falder
ud af mængden
væk fra natklubber
hånd i hånd
gang på gang

lejlighedsdøren knirker stadig
falsk kærlighed
sandt begær
nøgenheden lyver aldrig
men forholder sig tavs
smil fra dine øjne
brænder
som salt i åbne sår
for jeg er en andens
men vi er stadig
viklet ind
i hinanden

brittle bones
in skinny jeans
***** knees
from falling
                    in love

midnight kisses
in haunted woods
broken hearts
from being
                    in love

true hope
in false words
months and months
of staying
                    in love

it's hard to sleep.
especially when
the moon shines too bright
through your window
your ribs still hurt from that fall
you took last wednesday
the guy you like still doesn't care
and that friend of his who wanted you so badly
got what he wanted
your knees are blue from falling to hug the toilet
ruining your tooth enamel once again
because you ate too much
your sister texted you, she's not happy
and she's too far away for you to visit
you haven't done your homework
you're so small and the house is so big
so quiet, so full of secrets
you can't face everyone at school
and the thought of going scares you
you don't know how to quit your job
man, your boss is gonna **** you
you're ugly and have gained weight
and some guy started a rumor that
you're a sleep-around
though you've never really been with anyone
but oh, people believe him

it's hard to sleep
so i don't

the hickey has faded
when will you

two people
two hands longing
for each other's warmth
yet barely touching
naive enough to not
appreciate the moments
they get to hold each other

two people
two spirits longing
for each other's love
since it's been too long
yet both too shy to
appreciate the times
they could have told each other

two people
two looks longing
to meet again
two strangers, not strangers
yet act like it
never appreciate the time
they could've spend together

"love is a weird thing like

you just pick a human and you're like yes i like this one i'll let this one ruin my life forever"

i am the morning
you are
the night
yet you seem
to shine so bright

you are the restless
i am
the sleep
so close your eyes
breathe me in deep

i
             don't
                                                          see
       what                    anyone
                    can
          see
                                  in anyone else
but



you

i was naive enough
to think that everything
would be better
i really
truly
believed
that things would go
my way

i smell his perfume, still
i feel him like i felt him
and you don't matter at all

old lover
i hope it kills you to know
that you never will know

never know of the body
that is a map
with veins like streets
and curves like mountains

it's all yours
yet the other guys don't seem to care
i guess we can't afford to

old lover
i hope it kills you to know
that you never will know

never know of the head
that spins around
like a bottle at a slumber party
everytime he's there
and you're not

still you've got me
but you don't kiss me like the other boys do
or at all

old lover
i hope it kills you to know
that you never will know

and i saw you talking to him
laughing at his stupid ******* jokes
which is fine
good for you
i'm not into him anymore
and i'm not jealous
i should be i guess
it's just the way you two
were standing there
talking and joking
it reminded me of old times
and it wouldn't bother me
if he liked you
but still i'm a little sad

"how sweet
it must be
to feel all the pain
at once
and then
never
again"

****
                                           s   h    i      t
        ****
no
no no no no

                           the memories
they're
                 f
                   a
                       d
                              i
                                    n
                                           g
stay

             please stay right here

no no no
                           no no no
don't

               leave

                                 don't let the memories fade
don't


               don't become
a
         s t r a n g e r

please
                           please please please
no


          can we stop  this for a minute


just please
                                                                             no no no

stop

                    g o d d a m n i t
please

                         ****  


i can't

i don't want

                        to forget

someone with straight A's
doesn't want someone
who fails math
someone with perfect skin
doesn't want someone
who breaks out everytime she's stressed out or eats too unhealthy
someone with a body like that
doesn't want someone
who works out once a week
someone that happy
doesn't want someone
who cries too loud and used to cut her skin
someone that stylish
doesn't want someone
who has been wearing the same boots for a year
someone so pure
doesn't want someone
who kissed 11 guys in a week
someone like you
donesn't want someone
like me

the scariest part
of today
was definitely realising
that
i
miss him








                   ****.

hans kærtegn er et hav
og jeg drukner

nights like this
i miss his kiss
a little more than usual

his sweet brown eyes
so true, no lies
i think about them still

more time to waste
moan, feel, touch, taste
the memories won't fade

the darkness is the winter
we blew out the winter
the sadness is the fall
the spring is as well
we chased that away
with lights and flowers of green
there's only us left
we are the summer
and when summer is over
you'll be the winter
and i'll be the spring
when summer is back
we'll fall for each other all over again

it's like
we're strangers
who happen to know
each other
very well

there's this song I like
at one point it goes
'lovers dance when they're feeling in love'
which is funny because
that night after you kissed me
and said all those lovely things
someone said
"why don't you two go inside and dance"
and you replied
"i don't know how to dance"

i started a new school today
and people in my class are really sweet
and a lot of people made me laugh
and i got to be around people  
i used to know very well
and they looked at me
like they had missed me
and the bus was on time
and my bag wasn't heavy
and an old couple smiled at me
and said hello
and my mum asked me how my day was
and my dad did the same
the sun was out today
no rain at all
today i am very happy

your kiss is killing
and im left to die
with venom in my veins
and poison in my heart

do you like him?
                                             i don't want to
but you do?
                                             i do

i lie next to him
his tan skin and his sleeping soul
and he's so beautiful

like when you said
you felt
                so         h a p p y
you could
       die

you have
l o v e
in places
i can't
d
e
s
c
r
i
b
e

why
did
you
die
my
friend

running up my spine
hanging in my veins
stirring up my mind
bending around my waist
pounding on my chest
falling through my hair
running out of air

without sounding too cliché
i'd like to say
that his eyes told
a story of a night
a long time ago
and his smiled whispered
he wanted to rewrite

my lungs ache when i breathe
my heart hurts when i speak
so wake up
this is not what we wished for