On a September morning, you were laid to rest
The warm morning sun, glistening through the church windows
The flag, dancing in the wind.
The light delicately grazing your white coffin,
along with the church floor, buried in flowers from everyone who held you dear.
A life taken far too soon, by a disease that takes far too many.
I hope you are at peace now, wherever you are

every memory of you
every song that is ours
every aspect of your very existence
makes me want to weep;

of happiness
of sorrow

for the inevitable reality of having you,
is that I one day must loose you

Today is one of those days
where I could weep any minute.

Where it feels as if my soul has been laid bare,
and anything can touch it.

The thought of you not being here
to comfort me in these times,
makes it almost unbearable.

How I wish to see you on the other side.

Overnight,
it was as if the fear ran out
Like sand winding through a sieve.
A youth
That was suddenly to be felt,
a decade too late.
A world to observe,
Without palpitations and wet palms.
How to deal with a body whose norm is,
To be on high alert.
To think the worst first.
I was a girl,
who needed to understand that the world meant her no harm.

To long for a state of chaos:
When everything inside you is purely chaos itself.

To long for a true state of chaos on the outside,
can seem so calming

For then there is something present to worry about,
and it’s not just “all inside my head”.