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643 · Jun 2010
You are the One
Emily Jun 2010
You are the One
I feel sad for your plight.
You love one, but yearn for another.
It will be okay
Whatever your heart decides.
Your steadfastness is beautiful
And your loyalty is inspirational.
For someone who, I find,
Feels she has such low standards and low opinions of herself,
I must confess
I look up to you a great deal.
(Despite the obscene obsession with *****)

P.S.
Though your ability to win at drinking games
Is in short, astounding.
Continue reading...
642 · Aug 2010
Muse
Emily Aug 2010
Muse
How do I thank you
For all you do
My handsome Muse?
Continue reading...
629 · Jul 2010
Vexation
Emily Jul 2010
Vexation
I never know
Whether you will stay
Or go.

I can never tell
If you mean
Truly well.
Continue reading...
626 · Jul 2010
Dearest Ellie
Emily Jul 2010
Dearest Ellie
What joy you bring to my life,
My four legged friend.
Even when I am at my most melancholy,
Your sweet face makes me smile.

What happiness you give me,
My dearest pup.
Even when all others tire of me,
You look at me with those adoring eyes.

Thank you.
Continue reading...
625 · Jun 2010
Sisters
Emily Jun 2010
Sisters
I hope you knew I was serious
When I said you were like my sister.

I borrow your purse,
And you borrow my shoes.

Sometimes we fight,
Sometimes we lay on my bed
        and giggle at silly romance novels.

We go on shopping trips
We share music.

Sometimes we bake together.
Sometimes we drink together
        (Mostly just you, but I keep you company)

I know you feel alienated and awkward
I know you like to keep your emotions to yourself

But I like to think we're close.
I'm going to believe that you feel the same.
Continue reading...
617 · Jun 2010
Foiled Plans
Emily Jun 2010
Foiled Plans
I was going to tell you goodbye-
My plan was to end things
Before they really began.
And my plan would have worked
But for your sweet pacification.

Why do you love me?
Trying so desperately to break your heart
But you cling to me
Like I am your only hope.
I am not your hope.
Continue reading...
611 · Jul 2010
Be Wary
Emily Jul 2010
Be Wary
Be wary, young lady
Do not assign your self worth
To what others give to you
For as easily and freely as it is given
It can be taken away.
But if you can stand alone
If you can exist in a place
Where you recognize your own value-
Be at peace.
Continue reading...
603 · Jun 2010
Infatuation
Emily Jun 2010
Infatuation
So fleeting
I am not in love with you
I cannot see myself
Down any road with you
But you are sweet
And you are warm.
I am settling
Your soft skin against mine
And your whispers in the dark.
I cannot break your heart
Even though mine is filled
With unending disappointment.

I see how you look at me
Your eyes are not filled with fiery lust
They are filled with sweet adoration
For this girl
Who is selfish
And bitter.
And every time you kiss my shoulder
To wake me in the morning
My heart breaks for you
Because I am slowly pulling away
Rolling off your pillow
And making my way
Out of your life.

I am so sorry
I wish I could deserve such beauty
And could return it to you.
But I cannot
And though I lay with you
Staring at the whirling fan
I will not lie to you
And return your declarations of love.
Continue reading...
598 · Jun 2010
Skin
Emily Jun 2010
Skin
I love the way your skin feels on mine.
when it is pressed against my back.

I love the way your hands feel,
when they slip around my waist.

I love the way your lips feel,
when they caress my neck and shoulder.

I love the way your teeth feel,
when they drag across my skin.

I love the way my body feels,
when your touches set my skin on fire.

I love the way your body feels,
when you move between my legs
and kiss my fevered skin.

I love the way you hold me close,
when you are heading towards blissful release
and your lips seek mine with great fervor.

I love the way you hold me after,
when you are spent from passion.

I love that  you never seem to get too close,
even when you are hurting.

I think I may love you?
Continue reading...
597 · Jul 2010
Alone
Emily Jul 2010
Alone
This is where I belong.
The house is quiet;
One is out with a boy-
She offered to take me with,
But what kind of pathetic fool
Do you take me for?
I'm not your third wheel.
Another is up in her room-
Locked in her tower,
And I always wonder
Is she lonely?
The final is in her sanctuary-
I can hear the music blaring,
I don't mind though,
Is she even listening?
Continue reading...
597 · Jun 2010
In love
Emily Jun 2010
In love
Lips touching in the dark
Blind caressing, a caught breath -
"What are we?"
Silence.
"In love."
Continue reading...
585 · Aug 2010
Midnight
Emily Aug 2010
Midnight
I am weary
My insecurities and your absence
Keep me awake.
Furious that I,
Strong and independent woman,
Rely so heavily on you
And am helpless
But to ache
When you're away.
Continue reading...
584 · Jul 2010
Tired
Emily Jul 2010
Tired
I am tired of making excuses
For your lack of heart
Lack of kindness
Lack of anything resembling friendship.

You used me.
Under the pretense of friendship
You came here
Because it was convenient.

You never mean to hurt feelings
At least that is what you say
But I feel there is a sick thrill
When you know you've caused a rift.

You win
Sweet princess
With your ***** and your ***** clothes
You don't have to remember me.

(I won't remember you either)
Continue reading...
576 · Jul 2010
Moving In
Emily Jul 2010
Moving In
Such a large leap
I need my safety net.
I am afraid
Excited
Nervous
In love
Suspicious
Everything at one time.
Leaving my nest
And joining yours
Just a move across town
Feels like a move worlds away.
Continue reading...
573 · Sep 2010
To Give
Emily Sep 2010
To Give
Of what do I have more to give?
You have my heart, soul, and faith.

What more can you want?
You have my trust, affection, and desire.

And yet I feel as if it is not enough,
As you leave me laying in disappointment.

I suppose all I have left to give,
Is my youthful naivety.
Continue reading...
566 · Jul 2010
Party time
Emily Jul 2010
Party time
Tonight there is a party.
They both will go,
And out of pity/politeness/civility
They will invite me.
I know they do not want me to go.
I am certain their friends feel the same.
So I will beg off
And pretend like staying in
With my new canine friend
Will be much more fun.
But the truth is
I would much rather be making
A human connection.
But even if I went
It would not matter much.
Most of my time would be spent
Nursing some alcoholic beverage
Praying for it to last a little longer
And listening to people tell me to loosen up.
I guess I was never made
For these kinds of things
Because I can't loosen up,
No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I drink
No matter how many nights I go home and cry
And swear to be different
So that someday
Someone like-minded
Will look at me and really ask,
"Party time?"
Continue reading...
563 · Jul 2010
All Access Pass?
Emily Jul 2010
All Access Pass?
I will give you access
To my center,
To my core,
My heart and soul-
But my words are my own.
Continue reading...
555 · Jun 2010
I'm sorry
Emily Jun 2010
I'm sorry
I'm sorry that I stole your site
I'm sorry that I'm not a better friend.

I'm trying to do better.
Continue reading...
555 · Jun 2010
Half Priced
Emily Jun 2010
Half Priced
Yes everything is half-priced
Twit
Do not make me repeat myself.

You can read, can't you?
Fool
It is on the sign.

Do not hold up something
Idiot
I'm not trying to trick you.
Continue reading...
548 · Jul 2010
So soon?
Emily Jul 2010
So soon?
First the lust
Then the love
Now the talk
Of marriage
And children?
How about
Grad school?
How about
Career?
What about
My writing?
You are not
Asking for
Sacrifice
And I will
Not offer
It up to you.
Why the rush?
Continue reading...
543 · Jul 2010
My Clock
Emily Jul 2010
My Clock
I feel my life ticking away
I feel a need to be a mother
But I can hardly handle a dog
And I am not married
I am in love
But that is not enough.
I want to carry life within me
But I cannot.
Continue reading...
541 · Aug 2010
(s)
Emily Aug 2010
(s)
You are smooth and firm
You are soft and malleable
You are young and old
You are mine.
Continue reading...
537 · Jun 2010
Across the Sea
Emily Jun 2010
Across the Sea
We never really saw eye to eye
We never really had the chance to get to know
But I think somehow,
In this life
We connected.

Now you are completely off limits-
Not like you were before
When it was only slightly off limits.
The ring on your finger
Serves as the perfect deterrent.

I wish you both the happiest
Because what more is there to say?
I wish you both the smoothest journey
Through this life and into the next.
Goodbye.
Continue reading...
526 · Nov 2010
Silly Girl
Emily Nov 2010
Silly Girl
Silly girl, you think they care?
Say your petty thing
And watch as they don't react.

Silly girl, you think they're friends?
Look for them in times of need
And watch as they aren't there.

Silly girl, since when do you have feelings?
You should have learned to live without
Look what having them can do.
Continue reading...
525 · Jul 2010
Trust
Emily Jul 2010
Trust
I don't trust him.
Or maybe I trust him,
But not with your heart.
I'm not sure if you remember,
But I do.
I remember what he did
To your beautiful heart.
I remember your tears
And I remember that you said,
That you
Did not want to lead him on.
But that is what you are doing.
You are sad because
The one you loved
Has decided your relationship
Is not worth fixing.
Now you are back
With someone who,
May be convenient,
But you said you would not be with.
I know you will do
What is best for your heart-
But as your friend,
I wish you would be careful.
Continue reading...
519 · Aug 2010
Hope?
Emily Aug 2010
Hope?
I write, hoping to soothe
My weary mind.
But it will not shut off
And it takes every fiber of my pride
Not to call
Ask when you will be home
And confess I have forgotten
How to sleep alone.
Continue reading...
512 · Aug 2010
The New Girl
Emily Aug 2010
The New Girl
I am the new girl to ignore.
The one who won't live here no more.
The one you can turn a blind eye to
The girl who doesn't exist to you.
"You are leaving because you hate us?"
Isn't that what you said to her?
Our friendship is now on hiatus
What are you trying to guilt me for?
Continue reading...
505 · Jun 2010
Vice
Emily Jun 2010
Vice
The soft glow in the dark
Ash drops into a glass dish
Conversation feels easy
Death feels warm
And slides smoothly into my lungs
Continue reading...
497 · Jul 2010
I just want...
Emily Jul 2010
I just want...
Oh how I would hold you
How I would love you
How I would give anything
I just want your time.

I don't need your  money
You don't need to buy me gifts
You don't need to buy me dinner
I just want your company.

There does not have to be passion
We don't have to make love
We don't have to talk much
I just want your touch.
Continue reading...
496 · Jul 2010
What good is it?
Emily Jul 2010
What good is it?
What good your life
When your absence
Only benefits those around you?
When they can do without your awkward comments
Because you are trying to make people laugh
When they can do without anything you say
When they are so anxious to move away
When they are so ready to be through with you.
If I could give you a gift
I would let you be through with me
But I am not financially stable enough
To leave.
Continue reading...
495 · Jun 2010
Let go
Emily Jun 2010
Let go
My heart catches in my throat
And I can't breath.
My eyes sting and I choke back emotion.

"Life brings disappointment and happiness
But the good outweighs the bad..."

Since when?
Continue reading...
495 · Jun 2010
Scream
Emily Jun 2010
Scream
Screaming is not appropriate in apartments
Running from problems is not appropriate in general
But I would **** to get away from all of this.

I hope it is just monthly hormones
Because if it is not
Things might continue to pile on until I cannot breath.

Slowly I am being lured to the soft blankets-
The comfort that a firm bed provides
Where the tears can flow freely

Beds do not judge you
They do not tell you that you are being dramatic
Because when the Darkness comes so does the drama

And it is not as if I can stop it;
Just tell myself to be happy -
I feel there would be fewer self inflicted deaths, if that were the case.

Soon I will stop talking as much,
Then I will stop smiling
And finally I will not be able to stop crying.

It is a blessing that I have a job
So that in the mornings
Someone might notice my absence if I did not wake up.

*How I wish I would not wake up
Continue reading...
494 · Jul 2010
(J)
Emily Jul 2010
(J)
If you were here
In this time
In this space
I would marry yu
Before the proposal left your lips.
I would swear to love
Only you
And our four beautiful children
And our life together
Until our flesh leaves our bones.
But you are not here
He is here
And we are in love
Clasped tightly together.
We have no future
No past
But we are entwined in the present
And though I can see myself
Waking up to you
For the rest of my life-
It is his face I see
In the morning.
It is his lips I kiss.
For you are too far
To be real to me.
Continue reading...
492 · Jun 2010
Swell and Burst
Emily Jun 2010
Swell and Burst
I feel as if my shell has been hollowed
And all that remains is the smile
I keep plastered to my face
Like Phantom's mask
I conceal that which I cannot deny.
My heart has swelled
And now it has burst.
I have nothing left to give the world.
Lowered expectations help me none,
I should have none at all.
I should have learned to feel nothing,
To say nothing and to think nothing.
I listen and I hear all these words
And I crave to be a part of their world.
I crave to have a voice, to be heard.
I crave meaning, and to think things of value,
But what use is it when all my words turn to nothing,
When all my thoughts are inadequate.
Your drunken words are beyond my sober thoughts.
Leave me to my solitude and my sleep.
I will wake in the morning and work.
I will come home and smile.
But know it is hollow.
I have found my place - in the shadows.
Continue reading...
491 · Jun 2010
There's a boy in my bed
Emily Jun 2010
There's a boy in my bed
There's a boy in my bed.
The bandage on his arm
makes me afraid to hold him,
or to let him hold me.
I'm afraid to hurt him
or to cause him any more pain
than life has given him.

He's not handsome,
Not an amazing lover.
He's made bad choices in his life.
And some are his fault,
some were forced on him.

But I like him
and he whispers that he loves me
when he thinks I'm not paying attention.
I don't want to lie to him
I'm not sure if I love him.
But I love it when he's the boy in my bed.
Continue reading...
488 · Jun 2010
Panic
Emily Jun 2010
Panic
Tears and silence.
Soft kisses and secrets.
"I love you."
Silence.

Heart break and hunger.
Rough finger tips and stubble.
"I love you, too."
Lies.
Continue reading...
488 · Jul 2010
Do you remember
Emily Jul 2010
Do you remember
What we did not like about her?
What we complained about?
That she made us feel like we weren't worth it,
Like we weren't important
Now that she had someone to love?
You're making me feel this way.
And I should be used to it
Because you always do this
When you are with someone.
So what does it matter
If I move out now
And go be with someone who cares about me
And loves me.
Yes I may have only known him
For this short time-
But I have known you for years
And you break my heart
Easier than anyone I know.
Continue reading...
486 · Jul 2010
To (S)
Emily Jul 2010
To (S)
On the stairs I took you
I've never liked to be in control
But I wanted to show you
How much you mean to me-
And how unafraid I was
To show it.
I have said you are not handsome
But now I see your heart
And you are more beautiful
Than any Greek sculpture.
I have said you love was lacking
But now I see your innocence
And your tenderness.
I was quick to judge-
But you are more
Than just the boy in my bed.
Continue reading...
474 · Jul 2010
(S)
Emily Jul 2010
(S)
How sweet you feel
Gently surrounding me.
You are patient and warm
You fill me with sweet sensations.
You offer me sweet release.
I am blissful in your embrace.
Continue reading...
450 · Jun 2010
Lost
Emily Jun 2010
Lost
Darkness
Winding roads
I am afraid-
But you will find me,
Just as you found me before.
With you
I think I feel safe.

No longer will I listen when they tell me
"He isn't enough."
He is exactly what I need.
I may not be his hope,
But he is mine.
The only lie now is that
I don't love him-
He has won my heart.
Continue reading...
448 · Jun 2010
Insomnia
Emily Jun 2010
Insomnia
I thought that once employed
I would sleep better at night

instead

I am sitting awake
Four in the morning

complaining.

It's too hot
I'm too cold

thinking.

Does he like me?
Does he want to stay with me?

writing.

Poetry because it's too dark
to edit the words on my walls.

worrying.

Will I have enough for rent?
Can I afford to keep my cat.

even though,

All I really want to do
is curl up next to the boy in my bed, and

sleep.
Continue reading...
445 · Jul 2010
Empty
Emily Jul 2010
Empty
I am laying in our bed-
But you are not here.
I am not crying this time,
But you have no idea
How empty this is
Without you.
Continue reading...
444 · Jul 2010
Getting My Hopes Up
Emily Jul 2010
Getting My Hopes Up
Another night
Where I don't know
Where you are.

But you love me,
Right?

You feel lucky to have me,
Right?

Then why
Do I not
Believe you?
Continue reading...
431 · Aug 2010
What a Pity
Emily Aug 2010
What a Pity
Such a shame
I can only write
Whilst in pain.
Continue reading...
391 · Jun 2010
No
Emily Jun 2010
No
Sometimes no isn't enough.
Sometimes there is no escape.
Sometimes there is pain.
Sometimes there is no water hot enough
or in abundance enough to wash away the
disgusting feeling of being used.

Sometimes you can't scream loud enough.
Sometimes you can't kick hard enough.
Sometimes you can't cry enough.
Sometimes you wish you could just fall
asleep and never wake up and you pray that
no one will find you feeling so low.

Because the only thing worse than feeling this badly
is when someone asks, "Why?"
Continue reading...
390 · Jun 2010
Friends?
Emily Jun 2010
Friends?
I don’t understand why our friendship is so hard
I’m trying to support you
I’m trying to defend you
But you make no case for yourself
When you run your mouth
And spew all these things
That make everyone feel angry.
Do you not understand?
I am trying to love you.
I know it is hard, but please,
Let me know I'm not trying in vain.
Continue reading...

— The End —