If you were here
In this time
In this space
I would marry yu
Before the proposal left your lips.
I would swear to love
Only you
And our four beautiful children
And our life together
Until our flesh leaves our bones.
But you are not here
He is here
And we are in love
Clasped tightly together.
We have no future
No past
But we are entwined in the present
And though I can see myself
Waking up to you
For the rest of my life-
It is his face I see
In the morning.
It is his lips I kiss.
For you are too far
To be real to me.

It isn't fair
That I still have feelings
For you after all this time.

It isn't fair
That you swoop in
When this relationship is rocky.

It isn't fair
That you still have
My undying affection.

How will this unfold?

Oh how I would hold you
How I would love you
How I would give anything
I just want your time.

I don't need your  money
You don't need to buy me gifts
You don't need to buy me dinner
I just want your company.

There does not have to be passion
We don't have to make love
We don't have to talk much
I just want your touch.

I will support you
With all that I am
With all the friendship
That we have developed
Over the years.
But just because
I support you
Does not mean
That I approve.

When people around me
Make decisions
That are more than questionable
It makes me
Want to join the fray
And make decisions
To destroy my life as well.
Yes I'll have some ice cream
Yes I'll smoke the cigarette
Yes I'll wallow in self loathing
Isn't that what you are doing?
Making decisions
That seem delicious now
But will turn out badly
And will leave you
In tears with your head
On my shoulder
Wishing that things had
Been different?
They would be different if only
You would break
The cycle.

I never know
Whether you will stay
Or go.

I can never tell
If you mean
Truly well.

Smile, sweet girl-
Smile through the tears.
You are beautiful,
Even when no one says it.
You are loved,
Even when it feels insincere.
You are wanted,
Even when it seems like leaving you is so easy.
You do not need any one
To validate you.
You are strong.
You are smiling through your heartbreak.