Another night
Where I don't know
Where you are.

But you love me,
Right?

You feel lucky to have me,
Right?

Then why
Do I not
Believe you?

You taste of Hawaiian Punch and cigarettes,
Like sunshine in the dark.
One taste is of youthful play-
Sweet and ****, artificial flavoring.
It would taste lovely in a park,
On the lake
When I was ten.
The other taste is one of hardship-
Blackened lungs and bad habits.
It tastes bitter in your mouth,
In the dark,
When we lay together.

I do not know
Why I am so hesitant to trust you.
Maybe it is because
You so easily maneuvered your way
Into the lives of those around me.
I am suspicious of you-
And I make you a promise
That if you do anything untoward
Or break her heart-
I will immortalize you
In print
As an *******.

Sleep does not find me
Because I am hiding.

What if I fall back
Into that black abyss?

Who will wake me
From my terror?

I am laying in our bed-
But you are not here.
I am not crying this time,
But you have no idea
How empty this is
Without you.

Last night I had a dream
And there was laughter.
The kind of laughter that you never forget,
With a haunting evil you can never be rid of.
I ran as fast as I could,
Into a church
Where I was turned away.
"You cannot sing!"
Fear.
"But song is how I feel closest to God"
And I know he can keep me safe.
I hid in that sanctuary
Until you slid in bed
And wrapped your arms around me.
I would have sat in the pews
Until I wasted away.
Instead I found comfort
In the taste of your lips.

How sweet you feel
Gently surrounding me.
You are patient and warm
You fill me with sweet sensations.
You offer me sweet release.
I am blissful in your embrace.