John Lennon once said:
"How can I go forward when
I don't know which way
I'm facing?" And I, I never
know which way I'm facing.
You see my head is kind of
like an owl's, constantly
swiveling in circles taking
in as much as possible-
trying to find a way.
My pupils dilating huge
as they go, a feeling
I once knew well
when I placed tabs on my
tongue too often.
But, I'm not tripping now,
I'm just looking;
looking for any light source-
any star- anything
that can fill the darkness
I feel within.
I don't know which way
I'm facing and my feet,
those collections of bones
encased in flesh below me
meant to hold up all of this,
all of me, all of the worry
I've put in my pockets
weighing me down-
my feet, they don't know
whether to walk or run
or skip or hop
or spin me like a top on Christmas.
But spinning tops, they always
stop, falling down
and I guess if you think
about it that's finding their way-
laying down on the kitchen table.
But that's not for me,
face down at the dinner table.
No that's not my cup of tea,
or hot chocolate
because I don't drink tea or coffee
or anything with caffeine
for that matter because
it hurts my heart and if I
am ever going to have a
chance at finding which
way I face, which way to go
I need my heart in perfect
working condition.
I was once told there is an
eighteen inch path from your
brain to your heart
and that every communication
you have ever had,
every feeling you have ever
felt has travelled this path.
But, I don't know if my brain
is talking to my heart
or if my heart is telling
my brain or
if the two even know
eachother...
I still don't know which
way I'm facing, my feet
they don't know if they
should walk or run and
my head it swivels in
circles but I am always looking.
And I promise you,
when I find the way I'm
meant to face, I will go forward.
John Lennon once said:
"How can I go forward when
I don't know which way
I'm facing?"
I do not know which way I'm facing
but I know one day I will.

If you were in my shoes
Your toes would be crunched
But at least then you could
Stand where I stand,
See what I see,
Feel how I feel.
You see I don't like my
Own view anymore-
What I see from these eyes,
Standing in these shoes,
Stuck in this spot.
If you were in my shoes,
Then I'd be in yours
My feet swimming
Where yours fit just right,
And I suppose this reminds me
Of playing in my dad's shoes
As a kid...
His made me feel big
Yours just make me feel small.
So how do you like my view?
How do you like me in your shoes,
Treading on your heart
As you tread on mine?
Don't try to run,
My shoes are stuck.

I'm in love with you
and I never expected this.
Never expected that, for
the first time, there would be
no miscommunication on
that 18 inch path from
my brain to my heart;
I saw no green light where
there should have been red.
Every sign points to you.
And now I am in-
fallen so deep that the
rest of the world seems far
away, lost in the confusion
of things that aren't as
clear as this: my feelings for you.
So that's why, when your
eyes meet mine I know-
I'm in love with you.

My brain has always been this way-
Like fertile soil, plant the seed
And it will grow.
Grow with all its might
As vines like tentacles
Weave and wrap their way
Through my very being.
I can feel the seed,
The one that you
Didn't think would grow-
Didn't think the season was right
Or the rain would fall
For the garden of my soul
To drink in. But it did-
The season was right
And I feel it growing.

I thought I would find closure-
closure when your arms closed
around me one more time,
but I was wrong.
I didn't find peace in
the pacifying way your
lips met mine again.
And now, sitting alone
with no one and nothing
but my teeming brain for
company your words
echo in my head.
Bouncing back and forth,
up and down, I hear
nothing but your voice.
Your voice full of confessions
like I am hearing it
through a screen
dispensing Hail Marys
like I want answers.
So I try to make sense of it all.
How you can stop because you start-
start to feel, start to love-
and I get it, or at least
I trick myself that I do,
because I know now that
you remember how I smell,
that I am a part of your memory
as you are mine.
Now I'm forced to believe that's
all I'll get, so it must be enough.
I didn't find closure,
but then I realized I never needed to.

A cornucopia of colors
Bursts to life before my eyes
As everything green
Around me dies.
The smell filling the air
Surrounding me is
So sweet, so sentimental
And as I close my eyes
I am transported back
Through time.
I am a child once again
Running down this street,
Passed the haunted house
On the corner,
Innocence seeping from
Every pore
Leaving a trail to help
Guide me back.
The wind is blowing,
The leaves are changing,
And I wouldn't have it
Any other way.

You stand in front of me,
Same as I remember in my dreams.
Same hands and skin
And scars I could easily map out
In the dark.
But there's a change-
Undetectable to the untrained eye,
Invisible to everyone but me.
And I know this change,
This subtle difference that
Makes me cringe and buckle
Under the weight of the rushing
Flood of my memories,
This change- swift and deliberate
As the turn of a page-
Is all my fault.