I wrote this for you
Though you don’t know,
And in all actuality,
Most likely never will.
But I wrote this for you,
I did it any way.
No gratifying smile
Or embrace will come
At the end of this
Arduous connection
Of vowels and consonants.
But, I did it any way
And word after word
That you will never read
Creep their way from
Brain to page at
An astonishing rate.
I wrote this for you
With care and love,
I did it any way
So here you are:
Though you may never know
This is yours.

I’ve been burned
by fires of men
who got carried away
throwing words and
sentiments around
like arrows,
piercing feelings
deep like flesh.
I have cried
rivers running
into waterfalls
creating black
mascara mudslides
rolling down
these full cheeks,
feeble attempts
to extinguish
the blaze. But
it won’t go out.
it smolders on,
embers glowing
dangerously bright
and beautiful
and too hot to touch.
and I am left with that:
a lingering reminder
too hot to touch,
too much to take.

your roughened fingers,
black with the work of a man,
twist and roll a cigarette.
your eyes flick
from it to me
and as you light it, you
inhale that long first drag.
i smile and wait my turn.

we met in the summer
of the year of my life.
all of us adventurers,
entertainers…
we were fun.
these faces are
printed on my heart.

I marvel at the world
From a desk in an office in a town
Where I don’t belong.
This is the interim fragility
That I was never fond of.
The wanting for the thing you need
But simply can’t have yet.
Yet, the operative word of my life.

I know certainly with everything
That is inside this mind and this heart and this body
That I will do it.
I will live my way across these plains
Until I reach my destination,
Of which I’m not yet sure.

You have worked ******* this,
The masterpiece of your life.
A beautiful mess of emotions
Strung together from heart to heart.

And there you are
Balancing with all your might,
Scuttling from one heart to another
Winding and weaving your way.

You are careful
But this life, your life, is not
And you slip
Cascading through heartstrings
You try to break your fall.

All your attempts are in vain
And as you desperately try
To grab hold
The claws you try to hide from the world
Snip
One by one
Snip
The  beautifully intertwined
Heartstrings of your life.

When I see you,
It’s hard.

Hard to not remember
Everything.

I have seen and touched
Every inch of you,
Every millimeter.
I have enveloped you in these arms
When no one else knew
Just how much you needed it.
You have explored me,
Deep inside you know me.

Or knew me
Because no longer are you
My second half,
Nor I yours.
I know it will all be
Well and good
In time.
Angry words will pass in the wind,
Sad eyes will dry.
You will find love
And so will I.

And even though
I made this choice.
I needed this
And
I wanted this...

When I see you,
It’s hard.