When I was a little girl
I had teeth so crooked that they'd stick out of my chapped lips like mountains creeping over the horizon
I smiled everyday

It seems like ever since I got metal cemented to my face that my smile has withered to nothing

When I was a little girl
I  used to sit in giant pots from under the stove and beat the tune of my lullabies
The only lullabies I hear now are the voices inside my head and they're telling me I'm crazy

When I was a little girl
I would dream of monsters under the bed
Now all I see is the monsters in my head
It seems as though my biggest fears became a reality

When i was a little girl
I loved crunching sand between my toes as I'd watch the waves
Now that I'm older I feel like the beach is nothing but washed up memories of when we were a family
Each seashell is a broken dream
Every lost vacation
Every i love you
Every christmas present
Every single sea shell is shattered
The pain is still there because the mirage of our dreams are still painted upon the sea shells that sit by my feet

When I was a little girl
My mother would cut my hair and style it every morning
now that she has moved on it feels like my hairs being cut by the hands of society
Every strand they cut from my head takes away memories of when me and my mother actually got along
Then my hair ends up looking like a child cut it with safety scissors
But I try my hardest because my mother always tells me that I can always be skinnier
I can always be prettier I can always be, better...

When I was a little girl
My dad would always tell me how beautiful I was
He would always tell me how I never had a care in the world
Saying I saw the world through rose colored glasses
He taught me that its okay to not be afraid
to not be afraid of the monsters under my bed
or the voices inside of my head
He just always told me it was okay to be me,
and to always smile that crooked little smile of mine.

The light from the garish stained glass
seeps through my splintered window pane
illuminating the dim room with colors so
magnificent it could salvage a broken heart
the subtle but powerful hues remind me of when I was a child
everything so innocent and so sweet
Not a trace of flushed red cheeks when I was younger no,
I was not angry, nor was I sad
Meditative breathing just to calm myself down
repeating mantras as I rub the beads of my Mala bracelet
I guess when you grow older life gets harder
thats just the way it is.
I tell this to myself everyday
Everyday I want to weep but the bitter tears that used to stain my face
with cheap mascara have refrained me from even the littlest drop of sadness
The feelings just sit inside my tired bones and accumulate but theres no precipitation
Yet there is still no sunshine only cloudy days.
So the next time I get to see light from stained glass trickle through my splintered window pane
I will be grateful because it may be the last sunshine I ever see.

Headphone to head
Music to Soul
Fills me up with a surge of compelling sensation
Musics a museum of emotion
A colosseum of expression
Taken back by its beauty,
It's a gallery of a never ending selection
Used to suppress the oppression
To repair the ones that can't bare
Music is a medicine that doesn't need to be prescribed
Side effects may cause healed hearts and better judgement

Music is fabulous

It stalks a poor vessel,
weighing them down like bags of wet sand
that slowly makes the victim sink
into an ocean of despair,
a sea of unworthy thoughts
they play symphonies of music in their minds
taunting them with every single "Clash," or "Bang," of a cymbal.
my heart skips a beat when I hear someone cry in antipathy
for themselves, its only a matter of days before the rapid currents will take you under,
waves crashing with caps so white they resemble cumulus clouds on a warm summers day
the only thing wrong with that is that some people never see these kinds of days
sitting in a trans looking at the world in all black and white with no in between
Doctors and psychiatrist drowning you in pills and you can't get away
because the day you see happiness is the day you lose a life,
You're own life.