with your hateful eyes
and your evil mind
with sinning hands
you took the time
to make me feel useless
to made me feel numb
thumbs trace fingers
fingers trace thumbs
you outlined my jaw
with your soft kept hand
while you told me you wanted
to feel like a man
you never asked
if you could
if I said no
we know you would
you called me comely
you called me kind
you made me lose
my ******* mind
you made me ache
I was an abductee
you absolutely
dehumanized me

as you spoke those words
a red vineyard
began to bloom from my wrist
you swore you weren't an alcohol man
however you took the time
to ensure my red vineyard
grew strong.
pruning and thinning
my patience and trust
using palissage
to train me into believing
my feeble mind
would believe simple kind
words said from my angel dressed in navy
my viticulturist, my sweet
you have taken the time
to acquire a taste for me
but in that
you have ruined my taste
for everyone else
aspersion played a role
I thought you'd never allow
and in that
you have turned my saccharine wine
into bitter blood

I love your curves* play over and over
in my small schoolgirl brain.
everyone says i'm stupid to listen
to the things you tell me
because they are simply
"what I want to hear"

but these folks, these "friends",
they only read the lyrics
as opposed to listening to the song

they see the words but hear no beat

they read on the lines, not between them

they see graffiti on a concrete wall, when those spray paint scribbles are truly art

and sometimes it takes tilting your head to the left,
standing on one foot,
and closing your right eye
to see the beauty of what you say
and do

when you see the art of the spray paint that is my soul,
when you hear the sing-song of the way he calls me beautiful,
when the words are truly believed to be true, and not hollow spikes of sound

you understand

I remember
when you used to call

I remember
when you stopped

I remember
when I became funny

I remember
when you didn’t let it go

I remember
when you turned

I remember
when you told me to **** myself

I remember
when you laughed when I tried

I absolutely believe in god
because I’ve experienced the devil
and he lies
in every inch of you

happy is
what happy does
but I just don't know
what happiness is
anymore

I refuse to come second
to someone so repellant and small
and I refuse to be told
I will never stand tall

I refuse to let him
push me around
and I refuse to feed his smile
with my poor, pathetic frowns

I refuse for you to stand
and think it's okay
and I refuse for you to see
me any other day

I refuse this friendship
and I refuse this home
what I ever saw in you
will become unknown

but you don't refuse
you pick and you choose
so it shouldn't be news
that I give up