You kissed away the scratches,
turned them into rose petals.

You are the vibrations;
deep blues
orange saturations
feathered red
drips of copper
yellow strands
charcoal shadow of the sea
river in my veins.

You taught me the sky

The sea

And how hot a fire can burn.

I still feel
Feel
Feel you
In my head
Like a pounding that won't quit
I want you more than time

and there is no shortness

of that.

still...

Addiction is tricky.

A man who quit smoking for 11 years may only spend 15 seconds in an elevator with a man who had just finished a cigarette outside.

But yet, he gave in.

What I’m trying to say is,
I think I love you again.
Did I ever really stop?

Have you ever felt a love so true
it was almost painful?
A feeling a bliss so strong you almost can't breathe.
I want it all back.
Every moment, every kiss, every touch.

We were safe together,
alone.
I felt warmth and butterflies throughout my body.
We melded together perfectly,
comfortably, entangled in lust.

And in one instant,
moments of perfect harmony disappeared.
I watched as you slipped from my fingers.
The world darkened,
and I crumbled.

I laid the same way we did.
But this time I felt no warmth,
I felt cold sharp air against me.
And so I let the poison run through my blood,
and my own lethal lie left me to die.

"I'm scared to leave..
but I can't return
home."

I would have tried to stop you.
but would you have let me stop you?

This is all straight *******.

It was not a selfish act
kissing that semi,
and I accept that.

What I do not accept,
is that I feel I could have done
something.

You turned very quickly from a boy to a man.
Caring for your sisters, being a father figure.
Jenny wasn't there, wasn't the mother she needed to be.
And she still isn't.

Whose fault is it?

I NEED SOMEONE TO BLAME.

Taking your own life can't just be passed off.

I am so happy you are at peace,
but what I fear is what you left behind.

The littles are helpless,
trapped by her, this.

How do I help them escape?

Is there a way?

I can only imagine what pushed you to your limit.
I wish I could have told you I struggle with the same feelings.
I wonder, could it have stopped you?

Is it better you being dead?
…is that an inappropriate question to ask?

I miss you, brother.