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Reclining in my easy chair
I drifted off to sleep
When suddenly my youngest boy
just bounced up on my knee.

"Hey, whatcha doin', Dad?" he asked
with eyes as big as dimes.
"My time is yours, my son," I said
"Is something on your mind?"

"Well, yesterday at Sunday School,"
His little voice began
"The teacher said to try to picture
Heaven if we can.

"And then she said to make a list
That next week we can show
Of all the things there we will see.
So, Daddy, do you know?"

I wrapped my arms around him and he
Felt my warm embrace.
Then leaning back he laid his head
Against my bearded face.

"Now close your eyes, my son," I said,
"Pretending you have wings
And flying high you’ll see a sight
Beyond your wildest dreams.

"Imagine first a bluer sky
Than eyes have ever seen
And light not from a golden sun
But glory of the King

"Then listen for the music heard
From angels all around
And run your toes through cotton soft
White clouds along the ground

"My grandma and my grandpa's there
Whom you have yet to meet.
Surrounding them are faces filled
With smiles from cheek to cheek.

"They live within a city lined with
Streets of solid gold
In mansion after mansion
Like the stories you've been told.

"A river filled with living water
Flows through Paradise
With just a sip your soul will be
Forever satisfied.

"Just think about the greatest day
on earth you’ve ever had
Then multiply a million times
And that’s the fun you’ll have."

My son then turned and squeezed my neck
And asked, "Can we go now?"
I smiled and said, "We have no wings.
We'll have to wait somehow."

He then slid down and spread his arms
As if to fly away
And shouted out, "I love you, Dad!
Today's my greatest day!"

Then rising up I watched him whirl
And spin into his room.
I shouted back, "I love you, son!
It’s been my greatest, too!"
Scream,
so nobody can sense that you’re dying.
Just scream,
so nobody can see that you’re crying.
Scream inside your head,
or out loud,
into the sheets upon your bed.
Soon enough you could be dead,
because your hands shake,
and you grab the knife from the floor.
Your knees continue to ache,
and getting up is always the hardest.

Hell, you were never an artist.
But while you’re down, you draw line after line,
draw an horrifying art that hurts less every time.

Look what’s happened to your arm;
another poor victim of your own self-harm.
It goes on the list that stretches to the floor,
next to your scarred ankles and past your cut-up hips.
You never see this list when you ask the knife for more,
maybe its from the teary eyes that come when your emotions dip.

But this pain washes out with blood,
and it’s swallowed in a shot.
It’s sometimes burning on a cigar you never bought.

All these things to keep the pain away,
helping you escape when your depression comes to play.

This process always hurts, and it could come any other day.
You beg and cry to live any other way.
You’re a snake that swallowed it’s own tail because it couldn’t take its life,
and because it was too late to dodge the drink and the god-forsaken knife.
Too late to stop worshipping a lighter’s spark,
Too late to purify its inner voids
or britghten up the dark.

There’s smoke in your lungs,
Blood has dripped onto the floor,
The beer cans are all crushed up,
There’s one knife, and one closed door.
To put it simply: a look into the dark, painful, and destructive solitude of suicidal depression. A poem spoken silently from one side of the mirror to the other.
Last night I dreamt of your smiling face,
I dreamt that you were speaking to me,
That you were laughing with me,
I dreamt that we were friends,
Then I awoke,
And upon awakening I saw your sulking face,
I was greeted by your silence,
I woke to your hate,
And I remembered,
That we are friends no longer.
Same rules, let me know what you think. If it's bad, say so, but please try to be nice about it.
Down by the river bank I see
a life-ring on a line,
and think of how we used to swim
in talk, your hands in mine,
our arms encircled round your wound,
that never-ending need.
Your life was so unfairly hard,
you felt, and I agreed.
So when low words rose from your depths
and surged up spitting froth,
I let them pass. I held the line.
‘We’ll surf these waves’, I thought.

And so we went till my cross came,
a knife to cut me free
commanding me to cast away,
insisting that I see.
It showed the ring my thought had made
was twisted as old bone,
that we were not four hands conjoined.
I clutched, alone, my own.

Down by the river bank I weep
for how we went off course:
those harsh, embittered words you said
the love they slapped to loss.
And my warped need to drop too deep,
the blood and breath I gave
to trying to buoy up a life
that was not mine to save.
SIlence is often louder than words
For words are cheap and influenced
But we can shout louder
We can be heard
Without a word

Silence is power
and often
Silence has its very own voice
My body aches
and sweat breaks
every time you walk in the room
i've got this feeling i cant shake
i dont know what you want me to do
i could try to sell my soul.
the devils done an awful lot
but still he's got nothing on you
i must be crazy.
for you
If love can be withdrawn
It never was

My love for you is not a gift
    To you
      It is a gift
        To me
Sure thou didst flourish once! and many springs,
  Many bright mornings, much dew, many showers,
Pass’d o’er thy head; many light hearts and wings,
  Which now are dead, lodg’d in thy living bowers.

And still a new succession sings and flies;
  Fresh groves grow up, and their green branches shoot
Towards the old and still enduring skies,
  While the low violet thrives at their root.

But thou beneath the sad and heavy line
  Of death, doth waste all senseless, cold, and dark;
Where not so much as dreams of light may shine,
  Nor any thought of greenness, leaf, or bark.

And yet—as if some deep hate and dissent,
  Bred in thy growth betwixt high winds and thee,
Were still alive—thou dost great storms resent
  Before they come, and know’st how near they be.

Else all at rest thou liest, and the fierce breath
  Of tempests can no more disturb thy ease;
But this thy strange resentment after death
  Means only those who broke—in life—thy peace.
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